BP day 13ish. (soz for repeats, some look at last couple/few posts) new stuff too.
Woesa mania hasn't been high but I've got that down dammit to mild more type 2 now but as opposed to type 1 (which I am/was/can change) mania it's much the same except the better buzz in type 1. Bliss bomb but still is, that's sadly the part that ya just don't wanna bring it down, it's what EVERYONE wants to feel. UNBELIEVABLY GOOD, including type two, (slightly elevated mood), yeah dunno, maybe I've still got 1 cause it's more than slight. Symptoms and behaviour very similar in both types

Anyway as always sleeps all over the shop, I've been foolishly pushing the envelope, mind you that's a given but reasons are this is what I wanna be doing here (helping & here of course) as well as starting to get these demons, if I can pull through this with minimum deeps I definately am on the right track, been handling them so far but the worst for me comes at the other end coming down which I am, the body can only take so much, need to sleep up to 2/3 wks as much as po for full recovery (Beast ('IT' aye Starwolf-Rock) also in mania this is consistent which how it roles, ya get projects, this one I'm sticking with being here, We have to get on top of depression.
1 in 3/4 (heard both) in Oz suffer anxiety/depression. 8 suicides daily. WRONG! most are good people. We need em.
Understanding depression...to beat it (in depression section
Suicide...why not? in depression section
Welcome any input, no agro no judge just like on these forums lot of support/understanding. That'll do for now

Status. In a nutshell been really kicked in the guts by real estate, we've done the right thing for 15 yrs in two places and this is just CRAP. But trying not to get emotions involved but hacked off. Gunna tell em but in civil way, no swearing for self growth and emotional control, depending on their reaction that is lol, they really don't wanna see my temper and I don't want to either.

Walking back home couple of young chookys I laughed when they said to 3 blokes drinking on balcony you're farm animals (thought they knew them) heard bloke say as I went past "there you can have the old duck" I'm not that old yet btw so I kept it light laughing while I said loudly 'Good on yaz", they were laughing & I said "up yours" & you can have this, gave them the bird. Was a laugh but they shouldn't do that crap to chooks or anyone.

Hi DB,

I just read the first 3 pages,

Star has so much wisdom, empathy, insight a very remarkable women. I will definitely read the rest of this thread. I find her words/replies to you, also good for me..sorry I'm stealing them

DB, You have come such a loooong way from the start of your posting on this thread, wow I felt your pain Im crying for you but at the same time also so happy you've come a long way.. well done you are definitely my inspiration to get well, I want to be able to feel some kind of happiness or peace, want to at least be able to smile again.

DB am I as strong as you are? Am I as determined as you are? (retoricle) I honestly don't know, I'm hoping I am or will be.. , I'm all over the place. I say to myself I can do this, then a few minutes later well I feel defeated again, useless, unworthy,unsure of myself. I want so much to be as strong as you are, im not even half a quarter there. I'm changing my thoughts as they come in but....tough talk not working for me...(as yet)..

I know your still struggling in a big way a lot of the time, I never understood BP until I read this, (still learning about it). my heart goes out to you, you are so brave, to be able to fight so hard, when your journey was and still is so tough. I would so much love to be able to help people as you do, Don't get me wrong when I say I'm frightened of people ( that's face to face conversation) I like people and like helping, behind a lap top where I don't have to see them looking at me..

I found on this thread what I think is a few reads, Deepak Chopra, NIHM- brain basics and Ayurveda. I will have a look soon.

Hoping your day is a good one.

GG..🦋🌈 love butterflies n rainbows

Hi DB and all reading,

You sound very energetic and lively. I’m not sure but based purely on how you’re very sleep deprived and manic, I imagine that a “down” (sorry if that’s not an appropriate word for it) is just around the corner? Or perhaps I’ve completely misinterpreted things.

I think it’s great and quite beautiful that you give so much to the forums. I also understand that it is personally very meaningful and important to contribute to various threads, and that many people benefit. Thank you DB :) Y

But to be the immense pain that I am, can I gently suggest that you also remember to engage in some self care? Maybe think of it this way: it will be much harder to help anyone else (which is what you want to do) if you’re not well rested but still keep pushing yourself.

Perhaps there is a middle ground between helping here on the forums and self care. Just a thought...it’s naturally up to you what you do/don’t do as I’m a huge believer in people making their own decisions e.g. I feel that I can only suggest but I can’t (and I feel that I shouldn’t) instruct or direct others.

Anyway, that’s enough of me bugging you about self care. I’ll try to say no more...Lol.

Most importantly, I want to give you lots of soul hugs...

GG- what a beautifully supportive post. You write with such empathy and kindness. Can I add my uninvited thoughts on personal strength?

I hope you don’t mind...I think strength is different for everyone. But I’m a very general sense, I personally just think strength is falling down, feeling the pain and trying to get back up again (or even stumble if need be).

I agree that Starwolf is a very wise soul.

Love,

Pepper xoxo

Hey DB and a wave to Pepper and others,

DB, I guess feedback is important in your quest to beat BP? Just wanted to say that you’re obviously very “speedy” and getting scrambled. Meaning hard to follow and perhaps Pepper’s suggestion about self care might be important?

Sparrow Update:

Little blighters have left home 😤

Sad that you have no news about the ‘Wolf :(

Bestest, cheers M xx :)

Grandy beautiful heart post agree Peps said she writes with such empathy and kindness. Thankyou for your lovely words, I'm so happy you're responding to having a go and as you've said we've connected. You're recovery (at least putting the demons to sleep again) which I'm sure WILL happen because you want to will be inspirational to sooo many reading & posting on suicide thread. Coming from the edge is mammoth & it takes time but you're making valuable progress.
If you hadn't connected & listening & trying (not knocking anyone) it'd be a lot harder to keep trying on suicide thread, tho I'd keep at it.

The important part is you're having some good days as opposed to all bad. Takes time darl, keep that stubborn bone polished.
I know rhetorical but YES you do have the strength & the determination because you're trying. You've got sooo much to untangle so there'll be the hard times but every small achieve's a win. It's the beast taking you down. Every bad thought throw in a good one after, you like Rainbows, flowers, butterflys & poems esp so after the down thought think about one of those and how they make you feel. Remember we can only have I think 1 thought at a time.

face to face and leaving the house? just making sure I've got it right, yeah behind keyboard's magic, tho I love being around people too, in time hoping we'll get you there too, but one thing at a time aye. Baby steps

Keep in mind sweet that every down thought is the beast, that's helping me a lot. That's ok we'll get there with hard self talk if not we can try figure another way or you may read something somewhere that clicks in.

Yeah Starwolf I add rock cause she's been/is one, not only appreciated she was first here to talk to me and stuck by me, felt a friendship too, untold learning, wisdome, how she speaks everything. Missing her so much Grandy it hurts, in limbo dunno if she's ok or not, well not but how much not. Been grieving a bit too cause of couple things she said. Just got hope now.
Deepak Chopra, NIHM- brain basics and Ayurveda yeah I checked them their good

BP sooo much more to it, absolutely mammoth to take on but worth it as opposed to heaven great/hell we know

Thanks xx

:) you're such a love, yes you got it all right and spoke beautifully nah you care so not fazed at all :) xx
I do have to learn to manage here, will work it out eventually, the more threads the more time cause I like to read if I can from my last post.
PEPS & MATHS, As long as I can remember articulating has frustrated the hell of me, so it takes longer & of course thinking how to say stuff carefully to not offend etc takes an age too. Not that I do in rl real life wanna offend lol
Smiled Maths at your comment scrambled, at times I almost see peoples eyes boggling lol, they're so patient lol that's a given with the whole up/down but clearer in normal times & then concentrations rough too. Wasn't sure if you meant the last post so read back & thought kinda clear, not upset or anything liked how you said it too.
Maths are you Chooky or Rooster? if ya don't wanna say all good rate ya highly (all here & others) just not sure wether to say darl or budz :)
OHHH no sparrows taken off, wonder if it's a thing they do & will come back. You may have to have a word with them. We need that cool watching and hearing, loven it biggly.

Oh meant to say in mania apart from the all niter but that's common see the excitement levels go through the roof, I don't do it so often now & have kinda sleepers that work for a few hrs anyway, if it wasn't here it'd be doing something else, that's the nature of it. Not only the head in hyper drive, the excess energy several days-mths ya can last em out depending what stimulation you're having I guess, still working it all out but got the highs down but not fully controlled yet, so much to try and contain when it goes on. Sleeps one of the bigglies affected with it as with depression. Can go back into mania simply through bugga all sleep think cause ya trying to pull up. Doesn't take much.

Thanks lovely crew :) ((( souls ))) to yaz xxx

i really dont have much to add to others my special lady, but i will still be here supporting you with lots of soul hugs. those ones that whentrnsferred created a rainbow portal :)

You're a treasure, you and Peps have a lovely poetic-ness (new word, clueless how to say it lol) about yaz, it's nice,lifting.

Thanks sweety ditto xx

Hey DB,

I’m a chooky, you silly billy.

Not wanting to nag, just want to make sure you take care of yourself - hugs and nighty nite, cheers M :)

:) thought so but didn't see anything saying either way. But funny, just landed in your cricket thread and saw.

Thanks groove yaz caring & having my back. Yeah pushing the envelope so going to bed now. Also I have sooo many of these good but mongrel cycles but positive is getting stronger from it all, use to it. Hoping & putting mindset in place to hack.

loven groove, friend said it other day. We use to say groovy was more a hippy saying in NZ then I think and niece use to say hey groovers, love that too

Nigh night darl thanks again xx

Hi DB and all,

I appreciate the update and how you’re being so understanding. I felt bad bringing up the self-care topic again as I felt like I was lecturing you, and I try my best not to do that..lol.

I hope you wake up feeling refreshed and well rested today :)

Also, your comment on how we are “poetic” made me smile. What a compliment...thank you.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

:D ,souls, you're such a beautiful gentle soul no I know it's coming from a good place & persistence is needed with some people like Ms stubborn 2017 here :) but yeah it's the nature of BP too which as said it's mammoth stuff to try and control, we know how powerful depression is, that powerful and more because of the mania has it's own set of things that go on too let alone the stress in it, probs one reason being that I'm trying to pull it down.
My mission (some people you have to be persistant with lol ) to get my mates here at the very least believing in yourselves, self worth. Mathy seems pretty confident?

PEPS STARTS GRANDY Like that you took a screen shot Peps hun with some stuff I said about you, very good idea
You're call girls but (hahaha just realised how that sounds LOL, calling yous sex workers, jeez I'll have to watch that, btt (back to topic) but everytime someone says something uplifting and nice about yous, what about a list and have a think about it, the beast will fight it of course and say NO you're useless but we're saying what we see, so looking inside & thinking is it true. Ta daaaa

souls

Thanks my special lady. I like the way you write though i would never have picked mine as poetic but thanks ❤

You write lots of informative hugs. Lol loving your mission.

'Dont let the world change your smile, let your smile change the world' 😘

Hi lovely DB, Butterfly Wings, Mathy and all readers and posters;

Thank you so much for being so understanding :)

You have such good intentions, wanting to lift people, including me, up and all that. You’re very big hearted.

I’m glad to see your sense of fun and humour is intact. Your comment gave me a quick chuckle.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

Ello me lovelies thanks dropping by :) Soz haven't been much to either of yours, takes ages to put a post together esp in this head space. Envy people that can articulate easily, I've got a lot to say & not good at it but can learn a lot here in all ways which is a good

Starts, love that smile comment, love D&M's (deep & meaningful)

Had MRI on back today, more on neck soon. Back was hurting & pain going down legs so few times I heard the noise stop moved around, but was thinking she'll be worried I'm having a prob but did it quickly, took about an hr. Gotta have needle next one doc wants to see how the bloods flowing around neck.

Was a ruptured disc, causing bulging, had 3 bouts, the first was unbearable, couldn't sleep either side or back without extreme pain constantly got up bawling in pain, didn't stop & down arm, 2nd time rough but better 3rd better again, needed heavies pain relief each lot but at least it decreased, being very aware

Had lovely bbq today with an off shoot of mental health, everyone enjoys, no cost, great support workers, had lot of lovely hugs with one of the chookys then bussed back with good driver friend and chats on bus

Special needs tt t.tennis tomoz, some of the group I know and love, the rest are new to me, gunna have up to 15 tomoz, I work mostly on the robot with them. Love it, need lot of sleep though but can when get home for a bit then tt again in eve. Being around people good though esp coming outta BP

Hope but don't think you darlings are much chop atm from what I know.
PEPs loven you had chuckle :D xx

Project lovelies. JUST ONE thing yous like about yourselves, take as long as you need, let me know.

Care & hugs

ROCK(STARWOLF) Thinking of you often, TRUTH. Hope you're recovering, hate not knowing ((( xxx ))) Can't ever forget you, too much impact in such a powerful positive way. REALLY missing you, hurting.

Hey DB, Butterfly, Mathy and all readers and posters;

All good, please don’t apologise. There’s no need to apologise. It’s okay, we understand that you have your own issues, offline life, etc, etc so don’t worry about it.

Your back pain sounds painful and very unpleasant. I hear that back pain is really difficult to live with so I’m hoping the doctor (or physio?)can help you out in that department. The pain must really affect your quality of life.

But it seems despite the physical health issues, you still manage to lead such an emotionally rich life with your bbqs, bus driver friend and volunteer work. You have such a beautiful, lively spirit and just “throw” yourself into life.

Oh DB, I’m pretty sure that I would not be wrong in saying that Starwolf is in your thoughts on a daily basis. As I’ve said before, I realise your love and loyalty to friends runs very, very deep. Your concerns about Starwolf is a clear example of this big heartedness of yours.

I don’t know what things must be like for her right now but I like to think some of her wisdom and kindness can still be found in the words she has posted on these forums, and more importantly, in the lives she has touched (including yours).

I know the uncertainty is very painful and frightening for you, and I can’t say anything to make things better for you. Just know that, no matter what, she is in your heart. Always.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

Hey special lady


no need to apologise at all, you can be here when you can and theres no pressure to be here anymore than that xoxo


im glad your getting tests done even though they are unpleasant at least your getting answers hey. Sitting with you the entire time. I can empathise with you with the pain your in. once one thing goes it all happens at once, esp back and neck issues. I have those too. Gotta be careful all the time.




Im glad you had a good time at the BBQ, I know you enjoy getting out and about and social interactions.


Im worried about starwolf too, I hope that she can get in contact again soon but more hoping shes ok and getting the love and support she deserves and needs

hugs and hugs

xoxoxox

Hey DB,

Well, those neck/back issues sound ugly, I hope you find the right treatment very soon. Must be very painful for you, I imagine.

So, your project question:

I am a great problem solver - it comes from my Dad :)

Love that you’re still working with your special needs folk.

Gotta hit the hay, cheers and hugs M :) xx

demonblaster said:
Project lovelies. JUST ONE thing yous like about yourselves, take as long as you need, let me know.

Thanks sweet caring Pepstar (:D variety (name) wouldn't want you getting bored lol )

You're deep compassion is beautiful, very easy to like you me girl x. Yeah the backs good UNTIL it goes out then out of this world pain, barely walk etc, bruised thighs trying to get outta bed recent back out, in fear of it dropping me, feels like it's broken. Unbelievable pain & the neck phoooey, but both atm good thx hun xx

Agree chronic pain as late darling had really wears you down. His quality of life drastically decreased poor guy was 2 wks off a spinal surgery when leukaemia came on, cruel he didn't have a chance at relief.

Yeah I like people (God knows why sometimes lol) usually have a fair bit of contact. Helps avoid the downs

Thanks as always for support with Starwolf, she's a legend. Talking of don't know if you've seen it, did a Thanks to Starwolf thread, mentioned you in it.

Starts ya sweet loving thing thankyou as always for your ongoing support too, I remember SW saying I'm in good company here, I'd honestly be quite lonely if it wasn't for Star Sez Peps you Maths & our sweet Grandy (Did them in order I think of coming in.
Thankyou all so much for your support & friendship. Pleasure knowing yous. xxxxx
Nice sitting with me, virtually it's still a lovely thought. You're a very sweet girl.
Special lady, yeah loven that, darling (darling or darlin you like?)

Maths ya treasure you too thanks so much, your Dad sounds like a good man. Problem solver makes you strong I reckon aye
Thanks for special needs comment, I love them & reciprocated is beautiful. Simple in the most respectful way possible. So genuine, loving and uncomplicated. Easy to make happy. So much to deal with yet you don't hear complaints which from Nursing I saw often..

Those suffering the worst ...shine the brightest. Amazing spirits.

Very appreciated you copying the project for the girls, smiled when I saw that. You rock girl sadly you'll be rocking (crying) in your CRICKET TRAGICS thread. Love it. Good onya hun xxx

BP day 17ish (13th Nov- ?)

In recovery last couple days, close to exhaustion, sleeping without sleepers, know then I'm coming down, bits of mania, (smallish amongst coming down)

Holding on but teetering on downing, not allowing thoughts to turn into more thoughts, trying to put into practice what I've worked out to date. Working so far.

Had very hard day earlier but managed to lift slightly, too easy to slide with it.

Another day constant downs but kept acknowledging it's the beast nah not going there and moved on. Had to do it multiple times that day, eventually being here it backed off. Distraction.

Not much chance of catching up sleep now due to more busy but ok cause around people I chat and try not to be sad sack. Alone times as many also find are hardest with the mind having space to invade.

SO far, touchwood MEGA progress, thinking what's helped has been being around lot of different friends/people I know/strangers chatting with out and about.
Great but still need to work on head, distraction can't always be otherwise won't get the sucker & blast it to kingdom come or go in this case.

Taking this by the horns is like a major overhaul on the whole physical (lost 50kgs so far, bout 20ish to go) & mental state, bloody mammoth but has to be done. Taken yrs but condensed it's actually not been that long, but have mostly had mind made up a long time. Apart from post partner grieving & BP on top which equates to heavy grieving too taking me to terrifying lows nearly going under the line again. Live in fear of going back there, mental torture beyond but positive in it, helps with strength. Reason for everything & recently took the option out again. Wasn't one for many yrs.

Accepting what WhiteKnight here and Doc said that it'll always probs be there but when I get full control maybe 3 or more yrs dunno, it's a WIN, I've beaten it. Then can help more.

Learning so much here and insight, sometimes just posting revaltions come through, therapy in writing in more than one way

Soz Monkeymagic your post moved me beyond, thought about it so often, thankyou & forgot ooops to add you to the good people bouncing around here xx

Hey DB,

A big 👍 from me, keep it up! Hugs M :)

Hi lovely DB,

Waves to Mathy, Butterfly and all readers and posters :)

I’m impressed that you’re able to be in such good spirits and still have such a wonderful attitude despite the physical pain you must be...

How I wish your late partner also had some pain relief...I am glad at least he had you by his side. That kind of love and devotion you had for each other is beautiful especially as not everyone gets to experience that kind of love. How blessed was he to have you in his life?

It sounds like the downs are wanting to surface. Difficult as it must be, you seem very determined to find a way to manage the downs. I hope you do too.

Also, I am glad you seem to have a good emotional support network both online and offline. That’s wonderful to hear.

I am thinking of you as you try to manage your downs...

Caring thoughts and Loads of soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

P.S. I have seen your thread that thanks Starwolf. What a kind gesture. I’ll have a look again and leave a message :)

Ahhh been reading back to note BP cycles & 😓 but 😊 seeing Rocks S.Wolf's posts, we talked often thx to her. Our frienship,great convo, we had lot in common with our views & approach to gaining control.ROCK I so hope you're ok, love & missing you so bad as others here too are, you're mentioned often around the traps lady.

Solar so sorry you talked in here too 😊🖐👍

Cheers Maths 😊 amazing hugs back atcha darls

Ditto Pepsyglo 🤣 clearly havent tired yet, happy you put up with my play lol

Yeah thx hun no pain in between back outs usually & atm neck behaving. Hoping disc settles. Not wanting scalpel for back or neck but would run to it If neck flares badly again. Back he reckons easy fix, I'll listen what he says but the max pain & beyond, I'm having trouble trusting easy fix & such dangerous areas to be playing with. CSF (cerebro spinal fluid) if the sack around back ? Brain gets nicked VERY bad. He was looking at CT scans, having MRI's atm if i go to surgeon. First vein collapsed little ouch R) arm has an increasing whopping bruise & lump. Had die put in no ouch tho.Phew

Hope you're all at least having better day, & when you need a lifting warm soul hug

Help yourselves lovelies

Thank you for care time & support. Makes a difference 😚

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

BP day 20

Phooey stuggling mostly but ok & can pull up around people in rl (real life) & here which good.

Absolutely stuffed close exhaustion but movement creates energy unless deep but been there & same dunno if BP thing.

Walked but very slowly on hills.(not all, too buggered)

And yet again took up durries in mania,bout 5th time this year easyish giving up outta BP then in mania like 2yrs cravings slamming every few secs, its highly magic the mania but huge stress too up & down probs cause im tryin to control the beast.

Best descript trying to stop Tsunami with hands. Major

When you start breaking through with sleep seems the downs come on harder handled few with nah hard self talk & distraction, but sitting quietly for bit & boom very heavy down plummeted jeez was rough fought like hell, was scary too deep, close to suicidal deep, same nah you're not having me I'm gonna win etc lasted bout 4 mins but YEAH it didn't keep me there MUTT, not sure but had lot social lately maybe held em off but winning either way

Avoiding any self pity or thoughts that hurt

Long way still for recovery busy still but good busy like/love most people

Although I see "IT" (God I miss you Rock/Star wolf) can't think more now cause it'll hurt more & as you know particularly now gotta keep demons at heel like you did, you'd be so proud of me ROCK & you can take chunk of credit. PEPS said she felt an omnipresence with you looked it up, watching over, comforting. Selfishly plz get better & come back. Love you xx

Woe tears welling up

Anyway see how it goes even if I do go down I'm still winning. Can't let it, not just the absolute bottom of hell this takes you to unbelievable places beyond imagination even when not suicidal. Had ENOUGH. Happy go lucky usually even in cycles try not to pull people down. Lot wouldn't know unless I tell em which I do. People need to know we all do what others have to deal with.

Thx listening gonna pass out now well soon

Hi DB,

Pull people down, DB, never, you pull people out of their darkness, you are an amazing person.

So very sorry you feel like you do. I just read your post and my tears are for you DB, I know I don't have much in the way of helping you, and, don't know what to say to you to help with your downer. Soul hugs 🤗🤗

Right now it's like the blind (me) trying to show/tell the (sighted) you can do this, I'm not sure if the depression from BP is the same, as depression from other mh issues, what I mean to say is, there different types of "IT" like the different types of headaches, stomach bugs etc, I know I'm rambling but I don't like to see you hurting so much.. It's late or should I say early 2.52am, to be precise,

Distraction is good but only temporary, I'm doing it now, by typing this little note to you, trying to stop my dark thoughts and trying to think of ways to distract you and give you some well needed support, give your "Mind a holiday". WK, tony used this term once to me, I like it.

DB, I've never "met " anyone who is as positive as you are, hang in there hun, WK suggested Leo Rojas, Der einsome Hirte, to listen to for distraction, it's an Indian (American I think) playing the Pan Flute, beautiful and calming, maybe give this a go. tbh I've spent my entire day with earplugs in, music, maybe a bit to loud, trying to shut my mind up, but for me today, the music lost.

Trying to bring our positives out front from behind the negatives, keeps us down I think until a pin hole is found, so the positives can squeeze through a little at a time until it bursts through, and the positives start to cloud the negatives, then "IT" begins to loose and positive is the dominant thinker,

Our thoughts ( negatives ) won't bring happiness, but their will be no happiness ( positives ) without thought,

Get plenty of sleep, fresh air and exercise when you can, and try to eat healthy, Be strong, hard talk, positives,rest, distraction, and above all else take care of yourself.

I'm not much of a talker, helping wise but, I just wanted you to know that I do care about you,as others do here as well.

Now I'm totally exhausted, looks like I'm gonna have to give in to sleep tonight...Sleep peacefully DB,🌈🦋🦋🌈🤗.

kind thoughts only,

GG.

Ahhh my dear Grandy yikes teared up, that was beautiful went to heart thank you lovely lady 🤗 You "think" you dont have much to help me pfttt 💖

Goal with you Peps & Starts is for you to realise what beautiful people you are.

WK's on point isn't he,re the Pan flute, I don't listen to music much but love some & flute is one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard, & birdies singing, go a good place. Thx both I'll suss it 😊👍

Good insight re MI "IT" being different, I think first time in my life I've got a goal that I really want to follow through (am with tt but...) to help "IT" sufferers get up & cope with "IT", the more I read here the stronger my resolve Grandy & good for me too, I've always said I'm going to beat this but until here eternal thx bb & those involved, haven't put the hard yards into tackling "IT" (beast) part.

Easier for people to believe it's possible if it's been achieved aye

Sweet honestly I'm getting there truth, can't tell you how much glow it gives getting a hold on it, You WILL too, do you believe yet you can?

That 4ish minutes in deep.. USE to be majority of time coming down, days/wks, only recently started being proactive with it & making progress. Huge achieve, pulled up hun like you have & will again.MAMMOTH. First time EVER from there, so don't worry but love your care, I'm ok, we've gotta get you sorted.

WHEN we get you better (professionals too) it'll help so many Grandy, reason for everything, you're a beautiful person, your time to shine

Hope this distraction helped you

Thanks Grandy mean it you're a beautiful caring person xx🤗

BP day 21

Getting good comatosed sleep but never enough, had 5 hrs in arvo other day then night as well "IT" holds on as long as it can to drag us furthur down. Although they say avoid day sleeps with sleep probs which has logic, in cycles if you dont it takes longer catching up maybe that applies to depression full stop? SO I get it when possible. Sit on deep exhaustion or close to.Lifes harder, well being tired makes it harder for us to cope. Amazing how much the bod can withstand. Thank god the time comes it can't anymore for sleep I mean lol

Struggles today lot of to be expected, just a baby at this but OH yeah growing fast. Not going with it. HAVE to keep reminding.

Think its my mood not reality I hope, talking here rather than suicide thread for now, there's self doubt nags (crying) the bastard gets you anyway it can aye, I'm gunna get "IT" Can & Will so eat that MUTT! I'm stronger than "IT" Yeah hissy fit, had to, to pull out, worked kinda. Till next down but that's how it can be done or one way anyway, strengthening. Jeez really struggling atm but i'll get on top, hurts too much now let alone sinking with it. No btw here's not pulling me down think it's one of a few tnings saving my sanity. Starting to think these thoughts need to be addressed, not the junk ones.Thinking is that true, nah, throw it. Anyway having downs about if I am helping anyone on suicide, been very good feedback but... think it's beasty cause think i am & can, the other hard that needs learning is lifelong mega frustration is too express, hate posts being an hour read lot to say not good at it. People are intolerant of over talkers I get why but no bugger bothers to say yeah but you listen too which I bloody do, so many have said lot haven't to my face 😄I talk a lot yes, I dont but could criticise them too, started to tell people it pisses me off but nicely & why. Funny my darling & few others didnt (only in mania he did & was in context only) /dont must have goods lot of like/love so helps. Editing takes longer again to post. Dunno if BP or other MH issue but there's cement up there

Not venting for sympathy just need it out

Can/do/will pull up just wish I could bloody stick to point & get across better

Soz trying not to swear as much here its expression & emphasis a

my goal is in cement & is what'll pull me up & sleep NOW lot of

There still few characters left 😂😓🖐

Thankyou listening

Going to hit hay for few more hrs, got bbq in eve

hey my special lady,


your really self aware, its quite amazing to read and 'listen' to while your writing. And I mean that. Half the time I have not a clue what to say but I will always continue to support you the best that I can. Xoxo you sure are winning DB, even on the days you dont feel like it, I can feel your determination through your words. DB you are helping a lot of people on all the threads your on, not just the suicide thread but all of them including me.
Give me your hand and ill help you back up again, together along with the others here we WILL find that lightswitch and get out into the fresh air once again.
I do hope your bbq goes well for you and will look forward to how your getting on as well
sending lots of soul hugs xoxo

Hi DB,

i hope you don't mind be being here, If you do just tell me and I'll move away from here.

Crying as you told me is an outlet for stress, yeah hard on the eyes and head but good for the soul, You are helping people on the suicide thread, I'm one of them.. DB, would I be here today if I didn't have you to talk to,? I stay inside, I don't see or talk to anyone 6 days a week, on the 7th day Tuesday, maybe I say a dozen words all day, drive from my place to Vinnies then home again. Please never doubt yourself, you are helping, A lot of people,

Im still reading through this thread and am learning a lot about how you are tackling your downs, it's helping me,Thank you DB, I really couldn't do this without you. My thoughts are being held hostage by the beast since mid last week, he's still got me so hard and crying yeah don't you hate it, but I am trying, your thread, you and Starwolf's conversations are a force to be reckoned with.....

I know what I want to say, but when I go to write it out, it's completely different, I know that feeling of frustration only to well......DB, believe the beast is beatable....Hard self talk, do some yelling......hope hold on tight, don't let it get to far from you... I hate being this far down,it's hurt that doesn't go away with painkillers,..... Be strong DB..

🌈🦋..hugs honey,,🤗🤗🤗.

kind thoughts

GG