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Forums / Long term support over the journey / UPDATED: I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like

Topic: UPDATED: I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like

  1. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    22 February 2016
    Hi everyone, I just want to introduce myself. I went to the Dr today and he prescribed me my medication. I'll be starting the journey to a more positive outlook soon. I just feel soo lost and confused. My husband and I have had a pretty hard week this week as I told him something that changed everything for us. A secret I held for a long time. And he's not talking to me much. I just feel alone and lost in a new world I don't like. It's just all soo confusing. 
  2. blondguy
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    22 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta and welcome to the forums...Paul here..

    Thankyou Zetta for having the courage to post..it does take strength..Beyond Blue is a very secure and caring site that you can feel comfortable replying on if you wish of course

    First things first Zetta....Well done for actually healing yourself by getting to your doc!

    Medication...okay...thats another step forward in your healing process too

    Lost and Confused.....Very very common and you have come to the right place Zetta

    I am sad that you and your husband have had a hard week....

    You have also done well in communicating what you have held for such a long time....That is also a positive step

    You are not alone Zetta...there are wonderful and caring people on this forum that can be there for you..

    I am sorry that he is not 'talking to you' much....Just a guess but maybe he cant cope as well as you have addressed the issue at hand...?

    It is confusing and mentally exhausting Zetta....Please be gentle to yourself now...From what you have mentioned you have made some very good progress in healing your 1) Relationship and especially 2) Yourself :-)

    We are here if you need us..on any matter if you wish to do so

    Thankyou again for posting

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
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    geoff avatar
    15542 posts
    23 February 2016 in reply to Zetta
    dear Zetta, a very warm welcome to you, and we all know that it's never easy to come to a site and then post exactly how you
    feel and what you are struggling from.
    I'm sure most of us have secrets that we don't want our partner/spouse to know about, even though we are still very close,
    so should be blame ourselves for doing so, well that doesn't really matter whether you believe it's right or wrong, but I
    suppose if it's something that you feel guilty over, then you have to make a decision that will strengthen and be accepted
    in telling your spouse, because this particular secret maybe what is blocking a happy relationship.
    If there is love between the both of you, then it can be worked out, and remember that the majority of marriages always have
    there us and downs and the time before you both make up maybe hard and difficult to sort out, but it can be done.
    My worry is how long before you decided to visit your doctor before a diagnosis could be made, but am pleased that you have.
    Your journey maybe up and down but please let us ride it with you. Geoff. x

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    24 February 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Thank you for your kind words of encouragement! It makes me feel soo much better in knowing that I'm not the only one who struggles with it. It's just hard most days as I'm a homeschooling mum who doesn't get much time for herself anymore. I only started this year and I don't want to give it up yet. My Husband is not very supportive at this stage because of what happened last week. And all I want is for him to hug me and cuddle me at the end of the day and he doesn't want to be close to me now. I don't have much of an support network as Mum and Dad is in Melbourne along with my little brother and my sister is in Brisbane. I need my Husband soo much now and it just feels like he's not here for me. I feel guilty to ask him to be there for me as he is battling his own thoughts and emotions. I just need a hug from my mum.  
  5. blondguy
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    24 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta

    I am sorry that you hubby is not being as supportive as he should be right now..especially even for a simple hug.

    I have read your post again Zetta....I feel by you summoning the strength to tell your husband about this matter shows you care about your marriage and him. To this point you have done everything you have. I do hope you find peace in knowing that. His inability to cope is sad...however that is his problem..

    You can only do so much Zetta

     Here for you

    Paul

  6. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    24 February 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Thank you Paul it's just nice to have a place to talk to other people who understand what i'm feeling and to support me. 
  7. blondguy
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    25 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    No worries Zetta

    The welcome mat is out...You have a lot to offer us as well

    I hope your sleep was good to you

    Paul

  8. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    25 February 2016 in reply to blondguy
    My sleep is really disruptive since I started on my medication Paul so trying to get as much as possible at the moment. 
  9. blondguy
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    26 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Morning Zetta!

    Sleep quality can be a real pain...I agree. I was put on AD's back in '95 and they helped me help myself so much.

    The sleep does come back..which is a bonus to know..

    I hope your day is good to you Zetta :-)

    Paul

  10. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    28 February 2016 in reply to blondguy
    Just an update on how i'm going so far. It's been a long week and i'm coming to terms with being on AD's. I'm currently in a coffee shop having a coffe by myself and just watching people in general. It's one of my favourite things to do. I have no kids with me this morning and hubby is at work. I'm feeling good even though i'm still not sleeping well but most of the side affects are wearing off now. I think it's going to be a good day today. 
  11. blondguy
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    28 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Morning Zetta

    I might try sitting in a Cafe and lose myself by watching people....That sounds like 'letting go'.....Good idea

    Feeling good is always a peaceful feeling and most of your side effects wearing off too

    Always great to see how you are going Zetta

    Kind Thoughts

    Paul

  12. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    28 February 2016 in reply to blondguy
    I had a great day today and now i'm feeling alone. I wanted to sit and cuddle with my husband and he doesn't want to. Feeling really alone tonight. I don't want much. I just want a cuddle and feel wanted. 
  13. blondguy
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    29 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Zetta

    After the good day you have had I am so sorry that your husband doesnt 'get it'

    I have to guess here...Is he still upset about your secret? It cant be that bad for him....unless he is carrying an unnecessarily huge ego instead of a 'healthy' one?

    After the progress you have made...I am sorry that he cant see the forest for the trees Zetta

    Kind Thoughts

    Paul

  14. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7514 posts
    29 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hello Zetta

     I am sorry you are struggling at the moment especially in regards to your dear hubby. I know I am not your mum or your hubby, but I would be honored to give you a comforting hug, if you would receive one from me.

    I was also drawn to your post, because you said you homeschool. Well I homeschooled my son right up to half way through year 5. And I loved it, it can be a very special time. How many children do you homeschool?

    Also have you found all the resources here on Beyond Blue, like there is some fact sheets and booklets you can print off. Just scroll to the end of this page, and you will see them there .

    Hope you start to feel better soon.

    Much love

    Shell xx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    29 February 2016 in reply to Shelll

    Hi Shelley,

    I would appreciate that comforting hug Shelley. 

    I currently homeschool my eldest two boys and my youngest will start kindy next year. It is a very special time indeed. 

    I have found some but I will have another look through it and see if I missed anything.

    Thanking you for your kind words.

    Much Love 

    Zetta

  16. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7514 posts
    29 February 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Morning Zetta

    I am sending out the hug to you now. I do hope you feel some sort of comfort.

    It sounds like you are feeling a bit rejected by your hubby. My circumstances are a little different to yours, but I do know what it feels like not to feel wanted. For me, it feels very painful actually. So if you feel anything like me, I am very sorry Zetta. Maybe your hubby just needs a little more time to process whatever it was that you told him. 

    Is it for depression that you are taking the meds for? I don't take meds myself, but I have read from other members here, that it can take a bit of time sometimes for them to work.

    In regards to the homeschool, I know when we were doing it, there was sort of homeschool group day thing. Where homeschooling families would meet up and have like a sports or activity sort of days. Is there one in your area? Maybe you already attend one. But if not, it can help you feel a bit not so alone or isolated. 

    I hope you are having a better day today.

    Much love to you

    Shell xx

  17. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    29 February 2016 in reply to Shelll

    Thank You Shell, I can feel some comfort.

    Yes i do feel rejected. I think he needs some time to get over the secret. I am like you Shelly, it hurts me a lot. 

    Yes I'm on Anti Depressants. It's only been one full week and I know it will take some time to kick in fully. It just feels like forever.

    Yes there is a homeschool meet I go to Every friday and on Wednesdays my boys go to Speech & Drama classes and thats another time I get to have time with other mums. so that helps me a little bit but none of them know of my depression. We have soccer training on Wednesdays too and Swimming will start in term 2 as well. So i get to go out of the house a few times a week which helps a little. 

     THanks again Shell.

  18. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    1 March 2016 in reply to Zetta
    And today I add some more to my load. I may have endometriosis. Need to go for an operation to see how bad it is. Can it get any worse?? What's going to be next?? 
  19. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9355 posts
    1 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta, welcome here

    What's next? Well this is an interesting question for me.

    Consider this- When I joined the RAAF in 1973 at 17yo (and 4 days so I was just a kid) I was , or seemed to be, in perfect health. I was unaware of the mental complexities that were lurking within each member of my family however.

    After 3 years I left the airforce and joined Pentridge Jail as a warder. Again I was unaware of my emotional issues except I did a lot of crying over nothing in particular. Then my brother took his own life, he was 27yo and a teacher. Fast track to 2002 and my uncle went the same way. I was beginning to get suspicious and my then partner took me to a psych and get an initial diagnosis. It was incorrect and for 6 years I took the wrong medication...tough times indeed.

    Then I broke my leg, deep vein thrombosis followed which add a complexity to your daily life as your calves and thighs blow up in size at the slightest hint of exercise. The proper diagnosis in 2009 was- bipolar type 2, dysthymia ( a low mood constant depression and depression. Anxiety was licked over many years of relaxation.

    Forcibly retired 3 years ago you'd think the lay back life would improve my condition....no it doesn't, it just has opportunity to not get any worse. There's a difference. By far the greatest leap forward for me was to accept I have a mental illness condition that is a little complex. And to accept my physical restrictions. Once I got to that point of acceptance, as I hope you do also, one feels less burden on ones shoulders. The symptoms of ones illness (mine are- ultra sensitivity, mood swings, irritability, stress of low coping levels and so on) don't go away. It is still painful to know you are going through a bad day or bad string of days, but as you begin to recover you feel confident that you will feel well soon and the roller coaster begins to climb once more.

    Everyone's different, you might not have these hills and valleys in your illness. The message is, to accept as soon as you are able, that you have this condition and life's journey for you might include more illnesses both mental and physical.

    For me grabbling onto the positives is the secret. To thank life that my heart is strong, my arms are free to do hobbies, my eyes can see to golfers from my verandah and the Rosellas from my kitchen window....there is a lot to life we can be thankful for.

    So life is just a little more rocky than it was.

    Regards  Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    1 March 2016 in reply to white knight

    Thanks soo much Tony!! That helps me look at things a little different. 

    Much appreciated!! 

    Zetta

    1 person found this helpful
  21. blondguy
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    1 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    I have been on and off looking after my 86 year old mum with her early dementia. I do hope that you are 'reasonably' okay...I hope you dont have endometriosis. I just read your post and thought I'd say hello..

    (Tony WK) You are very strong...I still cant get used to the word 'Relaxation' I have to use 'Calm'...Even with your 'Rocky Road' your are a very strong and resilient guy..I envy your clarity of thought Tony

    Im sorry to hi-jack your thread Zetta

    Kind Thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  22. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    2 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

    Thank you for checking in on my thread. I'm okay for now. I'll be going to my GP tomorrow to talk to him about all of this. 

    And I agree with you Paul! I think Tony is very strong too. 

    Zetta

     

  23. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7514 posts
    3 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Good Morning Zetta

    Just wanted to say hello, and to see how you are getting along.

    Ok bye now

    Shell xx

     

  24. blondguy
    Life Member
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    3 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    Nice 1 having another GP appointment today. I do hope it has gone well for you. I still use my GP approx once a month to help me help myself in maintaining 'true acceptance' of the bad feelings that depression can bring.

    *Clarification on my post above to Tony...We do have various coping methods that work or not. When I mention 'relaxation' being a word I cant use...means just that.. for me it doesnt work. Word substitution I was taught by my Therapist many years ago to 'reduce the severity' of my anxiety/depression. Of course there would be people that don't find my coping mechanisms of any use at all.

    Hope your day went well for you Zetta

    Kind Thoughts

    Paul

    1 person found this helpful
  25. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    3 March 2016 in reply to Shelll

    Hi Shell,

    I'm doing better today. I went to my GP and had a big vent to him and he gave me some tips on how to handle it. Thank you for checking in on me  

     Zetta

  26. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    3 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul, 

     I'm doing better today, i'm currently cooking a beautiful chicken and vegetable soup and relaxing with a movie and popcorn while the rain is falling outside. 

    And watching my boys build their creations is just what the Dr ordered today. 

     How is your mother going Paul?

    Kind thoughts

    Zetta

  27. blondguy
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    3 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hey Zetta

    The Chook sounds wonderful...yumm

    Mum is still 86 and her dimentia is still early days but her hearing is approx 20% of capacity and she refuses an audiogram...Oh Dear :-) My sister has taken over being a carer/visitor....Its been 3 years of being summonsed nearly daily by mum but she is still fiercely independent and has her own place so I am looking after myself at the moment.....and thankyou for asking too Zetta...

    Can you make it rain in Melbourne please? Indian/dry summer here....

    Glad you are better today

    Kind Thoughts

    Paul

  28. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    3 March 2016 in reply to blondguy

    Hi Paul,

     Oh wow, that's hard work, my great grand Ma and grand dad both had dimentia. 

    We've had over 120mm of rain in the last 24hrs and is still expecting around 400mm to fall in the next three days. I love rainy weather!! If I could I would send some your way!! 

    Good night

    Zetta

  29. Lost Girl
    Lost Girl  avatar
    2696 posts
    4 March 2016 in reply to Zetta

    Hi Zetta, 

    I just wanted to say a quick hello and introduce myself. My name is Carol and I was recently diagnosed with depression and started antidepressants too. I am a little further along in my journey than you but not much.

    I empathise with the loneliness you are feeling with hubby. While our situations are different, my hubby is having to do everything at home at the moment including caring for our 3 kids. At the end of the day when all I would like is for some companionship and a cuddle or affection, he is exhausted and all he wants to do is catch up on his phone messages for a bit and go to bed. 

    I get great comfort from my kids though like you. I have boy 10, girl 6 and boy 3.  Their cuddles make my world go around. 

    Time helps. I am finding I am improving slowly and hubby is understanding me more. I hope the same happens for you.

    Do you have your operation soon?

    Here for you if you'd like another person to chat to.

    Take care,

    Carol

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Zetta
    Zetta avatar
    110 posts
    4 March 2016 in reply to Lost Girl

    Hi Carol, 

    I have read quite a few of your posts and yes our situations are different but some parts of our stories are quite similar. It's good to know that i'm not the only one who struggles with this. My husband is tarting to be a bit more affecrionate towards me. And he has started to read all the information I have given him. Which is a step forward for us. 

    My boys are aged 8,6 and 3! And my kids get me through everyday. They are great at giving and showing compassion towards me. 

    Well as soon as we have the funds for the operation I can have it done. So it might be in the next month or so. Hoping it would be sooner rather than later as i'm in soo much pain every month. 

    Thank you soo much for your message Carol!

    Zetta

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