Hello, thank you everyone. All your thoughts are valuable to me. thank you again.
Shall i choose to respond in one reply to all of your kind words and suggestions?
Do I have any support from family / friends?
Yes and no. there are a couple of friends to whom I can talk without any filters. They understand me and sympathise my situation. People usually don't understand so i don't make any effort to talk to anyone.
I felt very lonely, i badly want to be understood, that is why I wrote to this forum.
It is cultural thing - in the culture where I am from, men are never wrong; men are allowed and accepted for any of their behaviour; it is the woman who has to adjust, compromise, grin and bear.
It is again the cultural thing not to talk bad about your own family; one is disrespected or looked down if she complains of her husband.
Also, he is charming to the outside world so people (family and close friends) don't believe me. I am wrong from his view, I am wrong from the community's view. Now, I am sick of opening up to anyone only to be labelled that I am short tempered, I am arrogant, I am incapable of managing my show etc.
I badly wanted to talk to someone who understands. That is why I wrote to this forum.
I know I live in Australia but the local community controlled me in many ways. I tried on two occasions to run away from home. But he tortured our only daughter the same way he controlled me. In order to protect her i returned. Also, finance is the main reason for me.
Why am I still in this relationship?
I don't know where to go, how to start a new life. As i said earlier, i tried on two occasions and failed. At this stage, i have no energy to do anything.
What did my therapists say?
They said that i have to save myself. All they could do was to give coping strategies. I am not sure if any of the therapists understood me completely. I went to all therapists supported by medicare. So I got 8 sessions, each 20 - 30 minutes. Other psychologist charged $180 per hour. I could not afford many sittings with her. In addition, I undertook 4 sessions of hypnotherapy, past life regression therapy, some sort of energy thing. Nothing was greatly helpful.
Do I have a GP?
Yes and no. In the past 17 years I changed 4 GPs for various reasons. It is very hard to open myself to each GP, make me understood and then seek help. I am very tired of this process.