This morning when I made a cup of coffee as usual and tried to take it from the kettle to the kitchen table, I spilled some on the tiles. Then I got angry and started becoming historical. The voices in my head loud and clear judging me: ‘You always do this!’, ‘You never learn!’, ‘You’re so clumsy! ‘Like a bull at a gate!’...Where do these accusations come from? I could clearly hear my mum’s voice in my head. Where did I learn to think like this? Who taught me self-criticism? Who made me believe I’m not good enough? A failure? Well, it has been a combination of people, events, circumstances, environmental and hereditary aspects that have made me who I am. But like all of us, no matter which culture we grew up in, what religion influenced our morality and what family background and traditions shaped our values, or what language we use; we have choices. A time comes when we realize that perhaps these voices in our head are not ours! They are not us! They could be. But mostly they are formulated by our society, childhood and life experiences, people, conditioning, generational, cultural and religious beliefs and superstitions. A time comes when we become aware of this truth. Then we may choose to challenge these thoughts, alter these behaviors, change something about it all and start owning our life. Reclaiming responsibility. Growing up. Maturing. Taking deep breaths. Taking our time. Becoming kind to ourselves! Getting ‘unstuck’ and taking active steps to create a life of unlearning and re-learn based on our true nature and authentic self. While cleaning it off I started thinking that I’m like this in all areas of my life. Take on too much. Want to succeed. Thrive on challenges. And even these are not negative things in themselves, if they affect our mental health, causing fatigue, burn-out, anxiety, depression, self-pity and hopelessness, maybe it’s time to put a new pair of glasses on and look at ourselves and our lives under different lenses. Not the cultural ones, not the religious ones, not the ones shaped by society, school and family, but some brand new ones that we have never tried before! See, why, we may surprise ourself! With these thoughts in mind I wiped off the spilled coffee and made a fresh cup which I didn’t overfill. Now sitting on my comfortable sofa, enjoying the taste and savoring the aroma of my fresh coffee I take some deep breaths and smile knowing I’m ok. I’m good enough for me. The voices are gone. This coffee tastes amazing! :)

Donte

I have a thread about my inner critic and how it is always putting me down.

I like how you challenged your voice saying you were clumsy etc and realised you are good enough and you wiped up the spill and started again. I think taking a step back taking a deep breath and looking what happened some spilt coffee or breaking a cup. I start to tell myself off then I see I have dropped a cup and then I pick up the pieces and get a plastic cup.

Quirky

[Mod note: this post has been updated to include a link to the thread referenced]

Hi Quirky,

I'd like to read your thread. The inner dialogue going on in our heads constantly is important becomes it shapes our beliefs and guides our actions. I've learnt I can challenge these self-judgements and do not need to accept them as absolute truth. Taking a few steps back and some deep breaths before we start doing things differently helps. It's great to acknowledge whatever has happened and then pick up the pieces and carry on. It applies to coffee and broken mugs as well as everything else under the sun. Same principle really. :)