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Forums / Multicultural experiences / Overcoming abandonment

Topic: Overcoming abandonment

8 posts, 0 answered
  1. Bush Loner
    Bush Loner avatar
    2 posts
    29 August 2021
    I'm not sure i'm posting in the right board

    I arrived in Australia with a beloved partner in 2018 on a Working Holiday Visa. Coming from Europe and in a relationship since 2015 we wanted to travel before settling up somewhere as farmers. We had the same life goals, politicals views, ideals, passions, interests... We travelled around this amazing country before putting down our backpacks and settling in an absolute beautiful house. We both had a steady job, and were working on our visas to stay in Australia as long as possible.

    She fell for my best friend, took our 4WD, bought a caravan and after weeks of complete emotional breakdown cut all ties, deleted me on social media and every mean of communication. Just a few weeks after we got our student visa granted for 3 years.
    All this happenned throught March/April/May. I also had a pretty bad car accident when all that happenned, rolled it over on a mountain road. I never felt that lonely when trying to recover from that trauma. Thank god for the miracle as i wasn't hurt physically, but i now have anxiety when i drive.
    This is a very very short version of a long story of mental abuse from them during those months. When i look back in time, its still almost feels unreal.

    I always had mild depression/anxiety, not the best self-esteem and now clearly abandonment issues. I could say that was the last nail on the coffin. I know time heal everything, so i held on.


    I did a 10 days Vipassana course in June that helped me a lot overcoming the emotionnal pain. I then met an incredible girl, we fell in love, we had a genuine attraction, same interests and even looking like traumas thats we wanted to heal together. But everything went to quick and she ended up breaking my heart, that she didnt want a relationship. I held on again, but after a few weeks of breaking down in tears daily i feel like i really need to share my story.
  2. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    G'day Bush Loner, you share a story that many others have experienced that of love found and then lost, and then a new love found and lost again. I know how much that experience hurts, it is truly horrible to have love rejected.

    You may feel alone, but you are not alone, bb forummers are here for you and so am I. You write well and express yourself clearly and obviously are a loving person, who has been hurt in love. So I offer this suggestion, do not avoid loving relationship for they do and will often end up having some pain associated with them.

    Follow the golden rule, treat others with the same respect and actions that you yourself wish to be treated. Love yourself more than you love others, for loving yourself enough to be prudent in your relationships and partner selections will help you discover someone who cares enough to not hurt you, or to heal the hurt they do to you.

    Live long and prosper, dng.

  3. Bush Loner
    Bush Loner avatar
    2 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    I realised unfortunately that my post was way to long and that it is forbidden to post it in parts.. therefore half of what I wanted to express isnt published.

    Sad.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Guest9337
    Guest9337 avatar
    1001 posts
    29 August 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    Hi Bush Loner, I hear your sorrow and sadness about limitations. Please would you tell me more of your story so that I can know you better and respond more as a friend who knows you somewhat.

    We all have long stories to tell, but due to time and resources can only ever tell some small part of ourselves. Please just unstop your tap every once in a while and release some of your stories.

    love dng.

  5. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    2 September 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    hi BL

    welcome

    there is a limit on word count in a single post, but u could post ur story in 2 or 3 posts.....it's not a problem at all....

    the forums have some tech limitations in that way, but ppl want to hear and respond.

    that must have been rough finding someone who ticked so many boxes and seemd so suitable, who didn't want the same things as u did in a relationship.

    has happened to me and made me crawl back in my shell. i hope u can write more here, and connect to others who can help u heal. this can be a suonding board to use as much or as little as u need, to vent or connect.

    please feel free to ask if you have any qs, the forums can sure be confusing at first.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Mark Z.
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mark Z. avatar
    195 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    Hi Bush Loner,

    I haven't experienced trauma caused by relationship breakdown, I can't image how hard it is for you, it must be heart broken.

    But there is something I can share with you:

    1. Time doesn't always heal everything. If you feel it's too hard for yourself to deal with, do not wait, it might become worse and worse. Talk to a best friend, a family member or someone you can rely on. Share your story in details here, you can reply yourself to add more paragraphs, we will see how we can help.

    2. Focus on things that can make you happy, even those little things in your daily life. Making yourself a coffee in the morning, reading a book, having a walk in the park. If you like running keep doing it everyday. Try to write down a list and remind yourself that they're most important things for you at present.

    Warmly,

    Mark

  7. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    5 September 2021 in reply to Mark Z.
    Hi mark z, great advice to BL, good one
    1 person found this helpful
  8. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    3065 posts
    6 September 2021 in reply to Bush Loner

    Hello Bush Loner,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your heartbreaks. It must be so tough especially since you'd come to make a new start here in Australia, and the person you'd hoped to do that with didn't follow through.

    I understand you've not been able to post a fair bit of what you wanted to say, so I just wanted to welcome you to post again if you would like. We are here for you and would love to hear more of what you would like to say. I understand you have been struggling a lot, and I really hope you are not alone in all this.

    James

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