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Forums / Multicultural experiences / Parent of an estranged Adult daughter

Topic: Parent of an estranged Adult daughter

  1. Sophie_M
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    19 February 2018 in reply to magiore
    Hi Magiore,

    The moderators moved your thread to this section after reading your posts, as we felt that you would be more likely to get helpful responses here from members who would understand your situation.

    You've now received a lot of replies from our members with a number of different perspectives and suggestions on how you might move forward, and it sounds like you have tried some suggestions yourself.  

    Here on the forums, we are not able to provide solutions for your problems, but we can discuss how best you might support yourself in making decisions that are right for you.  

    Please have a think about what you would like to get out of posting here on the forums, and in your next post give our members an idea of how we can best help and support you at the moment.
    2 people found this helpful
  2. Donte'
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    20 February 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hi Magiore,

    It is a difficult time for all your family right now. It’s not easy for us parents to accept sometimes the way our children act. But what’s done is done. Is there something you can do now? What would that be? What’s your first priority and how would you go about it?

    Perhaps setting immediate goals and intermediate ones or long term may help you develop some strategies to plan ahead. It seems somethings could be around you and supports as an individual and the way you feel aging in a relationship that may not be fulfilling. Perhaps some counseling could help. Other things would involve you and your children and your current and future relationship with them. Becoming an empty nester is not easy and we need to re invent ourselves and find new meaningful activities as we cease to be carers for our children. I’d suggest you make yourself a priority at this stage and be kind to yourself. X

    2 people found this helpful
  3. magiore
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    29 posts
    28 February 2018
    Hi for anyone who is willing to follow my sad issue here....
    I have some latest developments...
    Just recently my daughter rang me out of the blue and I feel that she wants to have a connection with me again...I am hoping that it’s not to use me though...she always talks about me sending her belongings to her...I am the only one she is communicating with...She does not contact her father or her brother...she has no place for them anymore...they tell me it’s over between them and my daughter..they will not go to her wedding or ever want to see her again!
    I am left in the middle...no one on my side...I have to fight this battle alone...
    I am in a situation here where I have a daughter out there somewhere and BTW.the .marriage date is set...2 months from now...I can’t believe that...what’s the hurry to get married for goodness sake?
    Then on the other side, I have my husband and son who are in total disagreement about her and what she is doing. I cannot accept that. I am going insane...help me please...
    I have organised to meet my daughter in about two weeks time...what are the things I can do to help this situation we are in? I need help...I will meet her alone without my husband and son..btw they don’t know that I will meet her...I am doing this in secret...
    1 person found this helpful
  4. Ellie05
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    28 February 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hi Magiore,

    Thank you for your kind words -that really made my day. I'm sorry I've taken so long to get back to you (I've been on the job hunt which has mean't I've been very distracted).

    It's great to hear you have many hobbies in order to distract yourself but I understand what you mean about having an underlying sense of sadness. I do think a counsellor could help (although you do need to find someone that you click with). Sometimes it just helps to have someone lend an supportive and non judgemental ear. Your GP can refer you if this is of interest.

    I hope you are keeping well and things are starting to settle down a little.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. Donte'
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    1 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hi Magiore,

    If i was you I would start looking for a nice dress, a beautiful pair of shoes, a bag, a nice hairdo etc. (I hope you are invited to the wedding and that you'll attend and enjoy the most joyous time in your daughter's life! Be a part of it. Embrace reality. Her reality. And stay relevant in her life.) It's beautiful to be young and in love. What a pity that your husband and son have chosen ego and stubbornness and will miss out forever in the opportunity to be a part of your daughter's most beautiful day due to their blindness. I find that really sad. X

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Hayfa
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    2 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore,

    I am so happy to hear that your daughter made contact and you have a plan to see her in 2 weeks.
    You have asked for ideas on what to do to help the situation you are in when you meet and speak with her.
    I think that given the whole sensitive and emotionally charged situation, it would be ideal to really go in with calm and loving intentions, this will set the pace for a clear and warm discussion as opposed to an emotionally difficult and perhaps angry one.

    I think it would be helpful to talk about how she is doing, ask about her plans and her needs and definitely ask about how she is feeling in all of this. Based on her responses to you, ideally you would want to keep an open mind and look for ways of bridging rather than allocating blame.
    I don't think it helps much to talk extensively about how and why it happened, you should try to talk about ways of moving forward.
    Listen to your daughter and what she may want to say to you, look for signs in her that may indicate she wants to make it better for her new family and her father.

    I think this is a great opportunity and you would want to tread carefully about what you want to talk about because if it is a wonderful, calm discussion then your daughter is more likely to engage with you more later on.
    Go and enjoy being with her, rebuild your connection with her and take it as it comes. As long as your intentions are to have peaceful relations and discuss things peacefully and civilly, you are more likely to have longer, trusting meetings again.

    Your daughter may want to tell you more about her impending wedding, I think you need to be happy for her and show some support so that she will share with you.
    What is important is that you both listen to each other and share your views with one another, it might be helpful to say that this is the intention before you get started on the day you meet.

    Good luck with it Magiore, I am sure it will be fine and enjoyable if you go with that in mind.
    Let us know how it goes.

    Hayfa

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Donte'
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    3 March 2018

    Hey Magiore,

    How you going? Was thinking as the time approaches to meet with your daughter, it could help, if you wrote down the things you’d like to address. Your main points. Just to help you have some structure in this time to stay focus and not become emotional or say things you might regret later. How does that sound?

    1 person found this helpful
  8. magiore
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    5 March 2018 in reply to Donte'
    Hi Donte
    Thank you for your sincere concern for my sad circumstances. It’s truly a horrible time for me at the moment. I spend my weekend with my husband and son. I am partially separated from them. They are both together on this issue, totally against me and my daughter’s interests. I am trying so hard to keep our family together but we just fight every weekend and I end up leaving them in a state of extreme sadness and having no hope of them ever changing their minds. They are both very stubborn and don’t really care about me or my daughter. They have disowned her. I feel lonely and neglected and really trying so hard to fight this sad battle on my own.
    Yes, I will be meeting my daughter in a few days time. It will be my ‘D’ day. I know that if my husband and son find out that I am going to meet my daughter they will disown me too. It’s going to be a very difficult week for me. I am very nervous because I really don’t know what to expect. It’s like I am meeting someone new, she is going to be different than before, I am very nervous wondering how the outcome will be. She tells me that she is really happy that she will see me again. But..she warned me not to come to see her to have an argument. I, naturally have a lot to tell her, be it right or wrong...I am really not sure how to tackle this. I have never been involved in something like this before. My ultimate aim is to try to reconcile her father and brother and her together again. But it appears to be highly unlikely that it will work..I am relying on a miracle. Any suggestions??
    1 person found this helpful
  9. white knight
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    6 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hi Magiore

    I do have a few tips of my own that you can adopt or leave alone at this meeting.

    Her choice to marry quickly is a choice any adult can make, its her time, her decision, right or wrong in others eyes. So be it. We all have those choices at that time in our lives.

    Ask questions like "how do you feel about life now"

    "what will make you happy"

    "Tell me about your man, I'm interested"

    "What attracted you to him"

    This is attention a child craves from a parent.

    You have every right as a parent to have a relationship with her. If you husband and/or son disown you over that then yes, they are stubborn and WRONG. But its again, a decision they are entitled to have. The right journey is to be decisive on what is right and what is wrong. If their actions are wrong then there is no management on your part that can relieve that except total submissiveness and that isn't an option.

    I hope you have a good calm meeting. All you have to do is remember that her decisions on her life is hers and you wish her well. If she wants you to attend her wedding and I was you- wild horses wouldn't stop me being there.

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  10. Donte'
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    6 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore,

    Thank you for taking time to respond in the midst of such stressful and challenging time for you and your family. It is very sad and difficult indeed. So many complex issues unraveling simultaneously.

    It will be good if you could do anything that works for you to remain calm, focused and take care of yourself as the days pass and your iminent meeting approaches. Eat well, rest, get plenty of fresh air and drink water. Avoid confrontations with your husband and son. Sounds basic but try to be as good as you can physically will affect positively your emotional and mental state.

    Keep in mind that your daughter also will be feeling many emotions and may be in a place where she’d try to defend herself and protect her love for her future husband and show loyalty to him. However, she also wants to see you. And you are right now her only connection with her biological family. Try and nurture this connection. Do whatever you can to maintain and build it.

    It might take numerous meetings before you could start talking about your husband and son. I would just go with the flow, enjoy the moments you’d spend, chat casually and friendly, thank her for willing to meet with you and express your genuine joy that you can do this together and ask her if she’s happy and if she needs anything from you. Make sure she knows how much you love her as a person no matter what decisions she make in her life. You are her one and only Mum and will always love her for she’s your daughter.

    Let your daughter lead the pace. Don’t rash or try to control it. Treat it like you’re meeting a friend for coffee after not seeing her for a while. I think establishing a new relationship with her is your main priority here. And this takes time for trust to build.

    I would take one tiny step at a time. Lots of deep breaths and be as calm as you can. Ideally, you’d want your daughter to be happy that she met you and to feel like it was the right thing. You’d want her to want to see you again soon. I would leave it at that at this stage. Anything she tells you should stay between the two of you and unless she asks, I wouldn’t bring her father and brother into this. Let her know that no one knows you’re meeting and that this is special for you. Reassure her that whatever you say will stay with you. Don’t take any sides. Hope that’s a good start. Hope all goes well! Hope we can chat again soon.

    X

    1 person found this helpful
  11. Donte'
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    6 March 2018 in reply to white knight

    Hi White Knight,

    Beautifully said! :)

    2 people found this helpful
  12. magiore
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    6 March 2018 in reply to Ellie05
    Hi Ellie,
    I thank you for your recent reply to me. It is so comforting to know that there are such nice sweet people out there who take time to notice my problem and try to help me out with some advice.
    I appreciate all that you wrote there. I try to keep myself busy even though I have some very hard and difficult times ahead. I only hope that I will come out of it with a perfect balance, which won’t be easy..
    Take care Ellie and thank you for your contribution to my post.
    1 person found this helpful
  13. magiore
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    6 March 2018 in reply to Hayfa
    Hi Hayfa,
    Thank you for your comments of the 2nd March. Yes, I am very glad that my daughter has made contact with me. It really made my day and also lessened my pain a bit..But I still have a lot of residual pain which I intend to clear up.. I was very touched by your suggestions that you made there. I am sure that by using these suggestions will definitely make a positive impact on what is going on in my life at the moment. As you can see it is a highly complex family matter with a lot of issues that need to be solved. Time, love, trust and patience as well as understanding will all help..I will never give up on my daughter..
    I will be meeting her very soon and I will try to update this case here as well as I can..since I am getting such great responses from understanding people like you...
    Thank you Hayfa for your time...I hope to have some good news to share...
    1 person found this helpful
  14. magiore
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    6 March 2018 in reply to white knight
    Hi Tony
    Thank you once again for noticing my post and writing to me.
    I found your suggestions all very sensible and I believe in them the same way.
    I noticed one particular point which I am quite strong in my feelings about. It is one where I am feeling almost threatened by it. My husband does instill a lot of fear in me and uses a lot of emotional blackmail towards me since we don’t agree on the issue of our daughter. I agree that it is definitely not an option to be submissive towards him and my son. It’s a mark of weakness on my part if I decide to go along with them...I just can’t do that..I don’t believe in it. I will never do that. This is my daughter we are talking about. I cannot accept the fact that they have disowned her...yes she did do a lot of wrong...but not as much wrong as they are doing to her and me at this time.
    I cannot stand being there anymore..I am glad that I am partially separated from them. To be there all the time would mean that I would have to be under their total physical and mental control and I don’t want to be in that kind of relationship..I will be very unhappy...I know
    So let’s see how it will go by meeting my daughter after not seeing her for two and a half long painful months...I will keep you posted on the developments...
    Have a nice time in the meantime..
    2 people found this helpful
  15. white knight
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    7 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hi Magiore

    I didn't realise the emotional blackmail was taking place. Replying to so many posts I forget details, sorry.

    I had emotional blackmail on me for 54 years. My mother used it as her ultimate tool. Even at 27yo she said "if you don't break up with that girl I'll pack my bags". At 29yo she ruined my wedding. At 54yo my second wedding approached and she was planning to ruin that as well. I haven't seen her since and wont see her.

    I agree totally in you standing up straight and never allowing such control to overtake your principles. Your daughter is your daughter and she has not been perfect but none of us are especially when young. Do what you need to do, have a relationship with whom you want. Always do what gives you freedom of your rights.

    Tony WK

  16. Donte'
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    7 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore,

    Not knowing what your cultural and religious background is makes it hard to suggest things but I'm wondering if reporting your husband and son for abuse to the police would help. From what you are describing here it seems you are captive in a very unhealthy controlling relationship in which you hardly have a say and perhaps taking action like contacting the police or putting an intervention order against your husband and son may help and offer you some safety and peace of mind. No one should have to put up with this situation in Australia. Again, I only talk as a third person but I wouldn't tolerate this for a minute if I was you. the law is on your side and this type of behaviour displayed by your husband and son is definitely not acceptable in this country.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. magiore
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    7 March 2018 in reply to Donte'
    Hi Donte,
    Thank you for your messages and noticing my problems...yes there is more than one going on..but I may need to open up a new thread for that one.
    At this stage I need to stay on this thread about my 'estranged adult daughter'..once this problem hopefully settles I will have to deal with my other problem which I will be glad to receive your comments for that also.
    I like to reply to your message dated 6th March.
    I am impressed at how you have taken a very accurate grip in understanding my situation. I believe in all that you write there.. I find that it’s all towards positivity, and in theory works well..it’s just that I have to make it work in practice..
    I will meet my daughter in a couple of days...and to be honest..I am shaking about it. I’m very nervous..my ‘D’ day is approaching. I have two worries inside me... my daughter and then how my husband and son will react once they find out that I am not around this weekend...it will be over with them and me ..I think...
    I am not sure how it will be with my daughter...I take all the good advice from you and all the other contributors to my post..it’s been overwhelming and wonderful for me to receive..and this is how I will be with her..
    I intend to nurture our relationship and to try to carefully rebuild our trust and closeness..yes..it may take numerous meetings as you mention..but I don’t mind..sometimes all good things do take time...I am prepared to wait because this is my daughter we are talking about..I intend to keep her.
    I will leave this post alone now until I return from my meeting with my daughter. I hope to come here with some good news to share with you..and then let’s see what will happen after that..
    In the meantime thank you Donte, for your concern and comments..I feel positive when I read them over and over..
    Stay well in the meantime...
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Donte'
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    8 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Thank you Magiore,

    I hope you enjoy your meeting with your daughter and would love to hear about it in your next post.

    X

    1 person found this helpful
  19. magiore
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    16 March 2018 in reply to Donte'
    I like to let you know that I spent four days with my daughter..I travelled to see her ..I must say it was so wonderful for her and for me...i have now returned back home.
    I cannot explain my senses when I met her for the first time after being separated for so long...
    The wedding date is in 2 months...I told them that I am not exactly happy about the rush of this marriage. They should have taken a longer time to prepare and plan for it. My daughter handed me the wedding invitation which had our names as the parents giving her away. My husband was mad after finding out that she printed his name on the wedding invitation. He said that she had no right to do that. She naturally wants me to come to her wedding and she wants her father and brother there too. I assured her that I will try to be there but I don’t think her father or brother will. I assured her that I will try to make them come..but to be honest I cannot see this happening...
    Remember I mentioned that my D-day was approaching? Well it happened. I spoke to my husband and I told him that I went to visit my daughter. He blew his fuse...he was mad..he told me that if I come to the family home, to only come to discuss divorce proceedings with him...he doesn’t want to talk to me about anything else. He is forcing me to divorce him and to sell the family home. I have to choose either to be with him and my son OR I go with my daughter. They have disowned me now too because I went to see her. I cannot believe it...
    He is going to divorce me because I went to visit ‘Our’ daughter??? Is he crazy or What!!!
    This man has gone mad and he has taken our son and turned him to be just like him..it truly makes me sick...my husband will not speak to anyone unless they are thinking the same way as he is..he will not negotiate and he will not accept my daughter’s choice in marriage..it’s impossible
    I am in a mess..my life is in turmoil. It looks like I must attend my daughter’s wedding on my own. I never thought that circumstances could turn out like this. I will be forced to divorce. My family is destroyed and I will be alone without anyone in my life except a distant daughter. This is not fair since I am trying so hard to make this work for everyone..I am trying to make peace and bring the family together again..do I deserve this???
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  20. Donte'
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    16 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Wow Wow Wow! Magiore!

    This is so exciting and distressing simulateously. I’m so happy you’ve rekindled your connection with your daughter. How beautiful to spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. How delightful that she has included you and your husband on the wedding invitations! That’s very kind and respectful and shows her love and gratitude for her family.

    In terms of your husband, how sad but predictable. Clearly there’s no love in his heart or regard for you. I would seek legal advice from legal aid and family law. Maybe talk to the police also. Surely you have equal rights under the law and he doesn’t own you and neither your house and property. If he’s violent you can apply for an intervention order against him. He could also be liable for prosecution and mandatory anger management and behavior change courses as order by the court. Don’t despair. There’s lots of help available for you and for him. X

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  21. magiore
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    21 March 2018 in reply to Donte'

    Hi Donte

    Thank you for your reply...

    I am not well...I'm suffering to much sadness and depression because of what is going on with me,,,

    I really don't know what to do...I totally agree that my husband and son clearly have no reggard or love in their hearts..it make me very sad ....because I am on the edge of ending it with them...but I don't want to

    I have feelings and don't want to lose my marriage and husband and son...just because I have been in contact with my daughter...it's so wrong..they don't want to negotiate...I saw them today after being separated from them more than a week ago..my husband and son have disowned me too now...I just can't let go...I don't want to divorce him...but continuing to live with him would mean more sadness and trouble for me. I just can't move on...I have too many memories of us both bringing up our children...I can't forget those times...it's painful

    Please help me..I am in so much pain....please

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Donte'
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    21 March 2018 in reply to magiore

    Oh Magiore,

    This is so sad and dreadful. No one should feel like this. Nobody has the right to treat you like property and make decisions for you and your future against your knowledge or will. Please talk to a Counsellor here in BeyondBlue private chat line or call them. Also talk to your doctor about how you feel and what you’ve been going through at home. If you go to your local police station and explain they could possibly provide you with domestic violence support and crisis accommodation if you have nowhere to stay. Also, Sacred Heart Mission or Brotherhood of St Lawrence and the Salvos or Smith Family may be able tosuppprt you in practical ways with food vouchers, money etc.

    It’s terrible that it has gone to this but you now need all the support you can get. And please keep chatting here if you get the chance. Even talking about it and sharing your pain can help you sort out your thoughts and make some decisions.

    Have a look at Family Mediation Service too! They can offer help to you via family counseling and are able to contact your husband and son to have a chat with them also. Their role is to mediate and bring the two sides to a point where hopefully you could meet in the middle and come up with a plan for the future.

    Hope you are looking after yourself during this terrible time. Try to be kind to yourself. X

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Donte'
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    19 April 2018

    Hello Maggiore,

    Just wondering how are you? Haven’t heard from you in a while. Has the wedding taken place already? How’s things with you? X

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  24. magiore
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    29 April 2018 in reply to Donte'
    Hi Donte
    Thank you for checking up on meJ that’s really nice of you! I just read your message dated 19th April...I’m sorry that I didn’t check in here earlier...
    I haven’t been well at all...as you are aware of my story...it’s a very painful one.
    Family mediation or professional help will not be possible with the kind of people my separated husband and my son both are. They are impossible to negotiate with..I am separated from them..we don’t communicate..only for the mere basic necessities and even then it’s very hard..I just end up being verbally abused by them and end up in tears when I leave everytime.
    My daughter gets married this weekend and I am going to the wedding...I decided that I would...I will be attending on my own...it will only be me...my separated husband and son will never attend...she is basically ‘dead’ for them.
    I am in contact with my daughter...and I will go to see her on her happy day..I feel that as a duty as a mother I must do this..otherwise I risk losing her...it’s been bad enough that she is away from me for 4 months already..my life changed
    I live with my parents..I am alone with no man in my life and no kids...
    Father and son are very happy together..My separated husband won my son and secured him so well to take his side...I am left alone.
    They have both threatened me that if I dare go to my daughter’s wedding , then i will be ‘dead’ for them too. They told me to never come back they don’t want to see my face ever again...
    I cannot believe what I am going through...the pain I have...I wish that they were different...I cannot move on with my life...I will never be able to live with them if they are going to treat me like this...I cannot see this situation improving...it’s a lost case in my opinion.
    I feel alone, dark, depressed, nothing to live for, can’t enjoy anything, I feel that I brought up two kids and all has gone to waste..I have failed with my family.
    I talk to many people and they all cannot understand why they are so difficult in not accepting my daughter’s choice...as far as I am concerned she’s happy and I cannot find anything fault in her fiancé and his family...I can give her my blessing...but her father will not..hence our marriage is destroyed because of this...
    I’ll go to the wedding interstate this weekend but I will come back to face hell..
    I’m feeling terrified...
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Donte'
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    30 April 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore,

    Thank you for your reply.

    I'm glad to hear from you again.

    Glad that you are safe. Glad that you have your parents supporting you in this difficult time. Glad that your daughter wants you in her wedding and in her life. Glad that you have chosen to respond and attend her happiest day and be a part of this.

    I'm sure this means the world to her. And to you also.

    I'm also glad you are not back with your abusive husband. It seems most appropriate under the circumstances to remove yourself from the emotional manipulation and controlling and take time away to reflect and come up with some strategies on how to best look after yourself during this time and in the future. Time to make yourself a priority and look after your happiness. You are aloud and you deserve it.

    It is very sad indeed when ego and pride blind us and we miss out in the most wonderful moments life has to offer. It also must be very upsetting to see the influence that your husband has upon your son and what this is teaching him about women, values and respect and dignity. Such a shame.

    Let's hope your son will come to understand one day that women are not the property of men and that we need to treat every human being with respect and dignity.

    I hope you enjoy immensely the wedding of your beautiful daughter and immerse yourself in this wonderful moment.

    Don't think about later and/or what others will think or do or say upon your return. Just go and enjoy wholeheartedly this glorious moment. You are her mother and you are aloud as an adult to make your own decisions. You don't need the approval or consent of your husband or your son. They don't seem to include you in their life anyway, and neither show any respect for you, so I wouldn't lose any sleep over them.

    You sound like a beautiful, caring person and you deserve the best. No matter how hard it is now and even though it's not something that you have chosen, it may be for the best to move away from their influence and rebuild your life with people who care and love you and truly deserve your love and devotion.

    Please look after yourself, keep in touch and don't despair. This is a happy time for your daughter and you should delight in her joy and partake wholeheartedly in it.

    Best of wishes for you and your daughter. X

    1 person found this helpful
  26. magiore
    magiore avatar
    29 posts
    19 June 2018 in reply to Donte'

    Please help me..things are worse now...

    My daughter got married...it was bittersweet for me...

    I am in hell...please help me

    1 person found this helpful
  27. Hayfa
    beyondblue Connect Mentor
    • beyondblue Connect is a FREE service that puts people living in Victoria's Greater Dandenong community, in touch with mentors. They can support your wellbeing and help you achieve your goals.
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • Lebanon
    Hayfa avatar
    120 posts
    19 June 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore

    I am so sorry that you are feeling in despair right now, apologies that I haven't been writing here to you as much as I would have liked but I was reading your posts and keeping abreast of what's going on.
    I am sorry that this road with your husband and son has been difficult, you did what you had to do!
    I know that life has changed for you now and it is very emotional and difficult but you need to stop and ask yourself what do you need to get back up again and move forward for yourself now.

    These big and emotional situations begin huge but then slowly dissipate over time. Can you take each day as it comes, look after yourself with your parent's support as best you can until it all blows over?
    Like most situations of this kind in cultural communities, it will be messy, lots of gossip and threats from spouse etc... it won't stay like this, it will blow over.
    Stay safe, look after yourself and when things calm down try to reassess the situation from the perspective of what is best for you, what do you want to happen and progress with it slowly.
    This may mean accepting the situation, maintain a relationship with your daughter and be patient with your son since he may come around in his thinking at some point.

    I am sorry you had to endure these difficulties but what 's important is that you are with your parents and you are in contact with your daughter.
    You faced so much with phenomenal strength and I think you can do it again.
    Look after yourself and your health now and please keep talking to us here. Use the beyondblue support line if you need to talk to someone, I also think talking it through with trusted relatives and your parents is very beneficial and strengthening for your health and empowerment.

    Hayfa

    2 people found this helpful
  28. Donte'
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • Greece
    • LGBTI
    Donte' avatar
    845 posts
    19 June 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello Magiore,

    It's nice to hear from you again.

    Congratulations for your daughter's marriage! I'm so happy you attended and participated in this very important day in her life. Having you present must have given her immeasurable support and you have done the right thing by her as a mother. This is something truly special. Well done! You are such a caring, loving mother and despite your difficult predicament you have shown unconditional love and support which is the desire of every child. You have shown your daughter what truly matters. And you have done this in actions. You are such a great role model and you have taught her one of the greatest lessons in life, that love puts personal interest aside and doesn't discriminate. This is the greatest gift any parent can give their children: to know that they are loved and supported no matter what their decisions and choices.

    Not sure what is happening now that you are back though and of course it isn't easy being faced with a new reality. Things have changed now. Your daughter is starting her own life elsewhere. Your husband and son are not here for you, and you are back at your parent's home - not ideal. But how great it is that you have them! That there is a place to go. You are not on the streets or at some crisis centre. Hope they can support you as much as possible but I know this will not be enough. Have you talked to your doctor about what's happening right now? Have you seen a Counsellor or talked to a psychologist? Are you taking any meds to help you with the stress and anxiety? Have you got things to keep you busy? Friends? Relatives? Some life coaching may be helpful now to be able to set new goals for yourself and sort your life and your finances and accommodation etc.

    Please keep talking with us here but also chat privately to a BeyondBlue Counsellor either here online or on the phone. One baby step at a time...one little thing each day...take your time. Have breaks. Go out and have pure fun away from it all when you need to...walk on the beach, enjoy a sunset, a movie, a drink...whatever it s that you like doing, do it for you.

    We are here Magiore. We care and love to hear you talking with us. Hope we can offer some comfort in the midst of this crisis that you have suddenly found yourself in. You are not alone. X

    1 person found this helpful
  29. magiore
    magiore avatar
    29 posts
    24 September 2018

    Hi Donte

    Im in hell...

    Please help me...my daughter has completely disconnected from me...

    I was physically abused by husband and continually verbally abused by both my son and husband..they blame me for attending my daughters wedding...i have lost everyone in my family...all are disconnected from me...i am alone and having nothing left in my life...i am in turmoil...please help me

  30. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
    • Foundation members of our Multicultural Experiences section
    • China
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    james1 avatar
    3038 posts
    25 September 2018 in reply to magiore

    Hello magiore,

    I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter has done that, and the abuse by your husband and son is absolutely unacceptable.

    You sound very isolated at the moment and I'm really sad that you feel like you've lost your family with no one left in your life.

    I am not sure what happened with your daughter, but in my own experiences with family, these kinds of breaks are not always permanent. Often, when we get pulled away from some parts of our family, we can try to seek comfort with the other members of our family while tensions decrease for future reconciliation.

    You mentioned earlier that you live with your parents. May I ask if you have a strong connection with them? I understand it's different to the family you had created yourself with your husband and children, but it sounds like you really need family in your life to show you some love and care, and that you are still a worthy human being with more to live for.

    James

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