I've been talking to a friend recently about my upbringing and she thinks I might be suppressing trauma or trying to minimise or pretend that bad events just haven't affected me at all.
Family stuff - my household is generally really chill, parents are together, no glaring problems. It's just that as long as I can remember, my dad's been really sick (chronic illness) and I've had to take care of him as well as myself and my brother. I've been fully independent in caring for myself since probably age 5 or so because I had to be - even cooking (or rather just eating whatever I find within reach) and fixing things around the house (and recently, getting my learner's with the sole purpose of taking pressure off my parents). Mum works more than full time, dad's incapacitated by his illness, and that leaves me to try to keep my brother under control most days. I don't do this very well though, as I'm just really exhausted and have been withdrawing emotionally from everyone for years, because I just don't have the energy to do this stuff. And that makes me feel guilty, too, because it leaves my mum to try to look after everybody and she's clearly just as tired. So now my brother and my mum fight all the time, dad's still sick and can't mediate, and I just withdraw/dissociate/pretend to sleep or something to avoid it.
And then there's the actual illness. Can't count the number of times I've seen my mum forced to argue with/pressure/guilt hospital staff into putting my dad on much needed oxygen when he's about to die (and the doctors are just like "oh its chill he's just psychologically stopping himself from breathing, he'll snap out of it"), while my brother screams at her for not letting him use mobile data for his games because he doesn't have wifi at hospitals (and I'm not mad at him, he's just too young to understand). I just feel bad for my mum and want to help, but I'm completely useless all the time.
People keep reacting with shock and are trying to convince me that this is valid trauma but it just... doesn't feel like enough. Everyone goes through loss and people die all the time. My family's not broken, abusive, neglectful or anything. My parents try their absolute hardest, to the detriment of their mental health as well. I don't think I have PTSD or anything, I just want to work out how much I'm actually being affected by the way my upbringing went. I don't even know what people mean when they ask about my 'past trauma', to be honest.