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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / hi... i'm the black rappit *Trigger Warning*

Topic: hi... i'm the black rappit *Trigger Warning*

  1. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    13 October 2020

    it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now.

    i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a white hoodie with the wards "no homo" on it in the same look as the subrem white hoodie

    i've been drawing the black rabbit in order to express the feelings and emotions that i've been having, with is really helpful, i help get my feelings on a with confus and allway feel better aferwods.

    wow... whiting this has made me feel good, i'm actchaly exited to see you'r react-shuns no this thanks for reding :)

    (sorry for the misspellings, me automatic spelling isn't perfect)

  2. Aaronsis
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    13 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hi black rabbit

    Welcome to the forum and it was really great to read that even after only a few words you did feel good, that you felt like you could connect here.

    We are here for a chat, to listen, to support you and to sit with you when times are feeling dark, or heavy or even if you just don't even know why you are here.

    You can share with us as much as you feel comfortable to, people will comment and share their experiences too, which is why this is such a warm place.

    I love that you use drawing to express how you are feeling and also that you have created a character who represents this, I think once we give something a name or an identity it is easy to process, to make some sort of sense of it and to address the feelings, emotions or behaviors we need to change or to welcome in order to deal with this character, and for you this is as you say "the black rabbit".

    I would love to hear some more about this black rabbit if you feel you would like to share.

    Welcome black rabbit and know that this is a safe space, no judgement or criticism here.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

  3. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    13 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah, thank you very much for the reply. I’m glad That you have a likening of my character (I wasn’t expecting that) But yea, James the black rabbit has been a recurring character in my drawings for awhile now, I think that reflection on feelings is the best way of dealing with them, “Facing your demons“ if You will. Like i said, I always feel better when I draw out my feelings and emotions, I always feel better afterwards, and it’s almost like as if they came from my body and on to the white canvas, and when that happens the feeling our gone, which is why it’s so helpful.


    I’l be glad talk more about him in the future. thanks for reading :)


    1 person found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
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    14 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hi black rabbit

    It is great to chat some more with you and I too agree so whole heartedly with what you said about getting things out and on paper. I had some grief that I had to process in my life and I found writing to be the best purge tool. I could be raw, honest, sometimes it didn't even make sense, but it was out of me and also help me to process that feeling too. I don't think I will even read some of those pages again but the way it helped me was so great.

    I think it also shows your emotional intelligence that you have been able to process these feelings and put them into a character that you can "deal" with if you like. To give this pain and hurt even an identity so you can manage it, write stories about this character and even project what you wish for this character ( and in turn your feelings).

    I have also started some hypnotherapy for my issues and while at the start I had very low expectations, I am so happy that it is actually resonating with me and I can see some wonderful changes, in thinking, in feeling and in understanding....I am learning so much...

    Great to chat to you some more black rabbit and here to talk if you want to share some of the ways of the black rabbit.

    Hugs

    Sarah

  5. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    Keeping the topic of expression...“I had some grief that I had to process in my life and I found writing to be the best purge tool“ I have actually written a letter for the Australian kids help line, were i detail my feelings Of Gilt and Fear. Back then I was slow at writing so it took days to finish, It was hard to white, especially when it was entering dark territory, i felt so uneasy it got to the point were I just Typed in big bold letters rather than a long sentence. Despite that, I felt like I accomplished something amazing, more then anything that I’ve ever Dune, and when I sent it to them I truly felt like good things were happen.

    so yha, writing definitely helps a lot. thanks for reading. gives a hug back to you :)



    p.s

    when do you think I should talk about my problems? I don’t know when’s the right time. You’ve said that i should whit until I feel comfortable “You can share with us as much as you feel comfortable to“ but I don’t know when that will be. Thanks for reading again. Giving more hugs.


  6. geoff
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    19 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hello the black rabbit, and a warm welcome.

    I looked at your thread yesterday and wanted to comment but time beat me.

    There are people who can physically write down their feelings in an explicit manner, while others know what they want to write but are unable to express themselves or frightened for people to know, but then many just doodle or actually draw an expression of how they feel.

    Interesting to know whether James the black rabbit is drawn first and the picture developed around it or otherwise.

    I just say this because I drew a circle and from the middle drew lines out from it and one indicated a problem, so by the time I thought I'd finished another line was drawn, so it ended up looking like a map, that's what I handed over to my psychologist.

    Drawing and doodling is a great to express how you are feeling, and often we suggest people write down what's been happening, now and present but drawing is also very good.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  7. Aaronsis
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    19 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Good Morning black Rabbit

    It is so great to hear from you and also find out that writing is something that you are connecting with that proves to be a way to get out how you are feeling. It really doesn't matter I don't think if there are spelling mistakes, or like you said, if your letter was in big bold letters. I am sure that letter you wrote to the Kids Helpline would have some very valuable insights for them too. Sharing is such a powerful thing in that not only does it let your feelings out, it provides knowledge and understanding to others, this is so important too.

    I am so happy to hear you felt proud of yourself, this is really fantastic as when we are feeling so very bad and in a dark place it is hard to feel or know anything really so that is really awesome that you did get to feel in that moment and that it was pride. Fantastic!

    I can hear that you are maybe wanting to share your story here and I would really like to listen. You can do it in many ways, just as you have before with your writing...it might be one long sentence of the things in your life that trouble you or the trauma you have experienced, whatever you feel you want to get off your chest here and get some support on. It might be a list or a whole heap of words and feelings. This is your thread, we are here for you so however you want to communicate and get those feelings and thoughts out is up to you, whenever you are ready.

    Also you may just want to chat for awhile about your day to day life and that is fine too, we are here for you in what ever capacity you need black rabbit.

    Your hugs are received and I thank you so much for them, that is so wonderful you can care for me too.

    I am looking forward to chatting more with you black rabbit.

    Sarah

    2 people found this helpful
  8. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    19 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah, thank you soooo much for for you’r Great replys.
    I don’t know what to say.
    you’ve been so kind and understanding and so reassuring and I’m so glad you what to hear more about me and James, and also, most importantly, what might Be going on.

    your Making me feel so at-ease and so hopeful for the future.
    you’ve made me feel so welcomed in this community.
    I honestly what to cry.

    I can’t express more words then this, this is amazing.

    thank so much for being here, and thank you so much reading. X(

    Huging You tight with tries in my eyes, the black rabbit.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    20 October 2020 in reply to geoff

    G’day Geoff

    really interesting what you’ve said there.
    I’m assuming you’r asking how In what way James Is drawn out.

    Basically, I draw what comes to my mind, and that can be anything, but in this case, what Comes to mind is what I’m feeling.
    Be glad to get back to you on this.

    As always thanks for reading :)

  10. geoff
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    20 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hello the black rabbit, I'm always intrigued by what people draw in general, but also being able to watch, which rarely happens, people sitting down and see the first image, the surroundings and if they empathise something in particular in heavy lead and concentrate on that.

    I'm certainly not a psychologist, however, the drawings I would do today would be totally different to when I suffering from depression.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  11. Aaronsis
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    20 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hi black rabbit

    Thank you so very much for your heartfelt message, I wanted to say one thing though...you have so much gratitude for me, however all I have done is listen and have provided an ear to you as well as told you some truths, the real person who has done the work so far my friend is you. You have reached out here to share that you need to chat, you have reached out here to get some support and you have identified that things in your life are not how you want them or would like them to be and this takes strength, courage and bravery, all of which you have done...YOU.

    I very much am here to listen to your story and I understand it is hard to share and hard to know where to start, if it would make it easier I might share a bit of my story with you so that you can know a bit about me and also what brought me here to this community:

    In July 2019 I lost my 19 year old brother, I was extremely traumatised and in shock and really did not know what to do. I am not even sure how I found myself here. I reached out in desperation to get some answers to a question that could not be answered, however, in doing that I learnt so very very much. I learnt about myself and I learnt about my family and in turn was able to do some incredible healing, I really credit the biggest part of being able to heal to this community for sharing, for supporting and for educating me.

    In turn I have learnt SOOOO much since being apart of this family and I continue to each and every day. I want to be there for others and be with them on their journey as they heal too.

    I have had some professional counselling and some days are still rough, but all in all I am doing much better.

    I hope that this can be that same place for you too black rabbit where you can get some of the tools you need to heal and to grow and to make the days ahead brighter and hopeful, as they really are, no matter how dark and hopeless today seems there really are better days ahead.

    When you are ready, when you feel you want to I am here to hear about you...it might start off as just one or two words..but we can grow from there, if you like.

    I hope today can bring a smile to your face, that something even ever so small can bring you a snippet of joy.

    Passing you a virtual tissue for your precious tears.

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  12. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    21 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    I Sarah

    I just read “help am I posting in the right place?” thread and and troma and soaside is not allowed and be in another therd, was the lest Post to triggering?

    the black rabbit

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Aaronsis
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    21 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hello black rabbit

    Nothing of what you have posted is triggering for me at all. You are doing a really great job. I am so happy to hear that you are reading other posts and getting some information together before you chat further about what is troubling you.

    This is your thread and you can talk about any issues that you are experiencing or things that have happened to you. If you do mention suicide or that you are having thoughts of suicide this post just may get moved to that space, but you can talk about that here, and infact that is the very way in which I lost my brother so if suicide is something you are thinking about I want to with my heart make sure you are safe and that you do know what to do if things get very bad. If at anytime you are not safe please call 000 and have an ambulance come, but that I mean if you are at a point when you think the next move for you is taking your life. Also self harm comes in to that space too and if you are hurting yourself and it becomes very dangerous please call 000.

    You can talk about suicide here, just not in detail that may be triggering for others reading, so methods and plans are something that we cannot put in our threads here. BUT..you can get out that you are feeling that way and you can talk about your trauma that you have experienced, just once again we need to just keep that hard details off as there are many who read our posts and never post themselves, there are so many in the community that are feeling just like you and may read and connect with your post too, so while we want to listen and want to help you and support you, we also need to be mindful that other people may be hurt or triggered and we want a safe and warm place for everyone.

    I am so sorry if suicide is something that you are battling with black rabbit, I would really like to talk to you some more about that if you want to that is. I think you are so brave to be sharing as you do, to be here talking with us and I want you to know how much we care and how much you matter.

    I also want to share with you a web page that Kids HelpLine have and that may also be a really great resource for you too, they are wonderful and they are professionals, I will put the link here:

    https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

    They have alot of demand at the moment so waiting times are long but please be patient if you can, you matter and they may be able to help. I will put the phone number here too 1800 55 1800

    Hugs as always

    Sarah

  14. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    21 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah

    I’m really really sorry what happened to you’r brother, the death of someone can be really painful for other people let alone if it was sudden. I remember when my grandfather died, he was in the hospital, my Dad left him to get me, my brother and my mum to go see Him, but when we got there, he was all ready gone, I sill remember my dad being told by a nurse that he had passed, and leaning against door while crying. It’s so devastating to hear that your brother took his own life, But I’m glad you got tho with it, I hope You sill have those happy memories of him to look back on. I don’t know what i would do If that happened to my brother.

    You don’t have to worry about Me Though, all I said was “I don’t want to kill myself, but I want the to die“ when i started to finish the message, I was feeling extremely guilty about what happened, I didn’t think I deserved to live, but I don’t want to commit suicide.
    If ever have eny thought of wanting that I promise to say it on here.

    About the trauma, i don’t if it’s trauma, I don’t how the hole trauma thing works, but every time I think about what happened, my eyes go wide, I don’t blink, I don’t want to move and all I feel is fear. that’s all in what say right now, I don’t what to think about to much.

    Feeling rn, as always thanks for reading -_- zzz

    hugs (thanks for the tissue earlier, Just I wanted to express I was Feeling)


    p.s

    did you got that reply about what happened? I don’t think I can see it right now.

  15. the black rabbit
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    22 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    hi share just to clarify, i was never hart or abusd, it was just something that was done by me that i extrelmy regret, i makes me fier that there something abote me that's triable

    the black rabbit

  16. Aaronsis
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    23 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hey black rabbit

    I am sorry for the late reply to you, I got completely snowed under yesterday with having to deal with my grandmothers fridge!

    I didn't get the message about what had happened to you, or mostly what you did that you have regret and trauma from.

    What I can hear though is that it is very terrifying for you in that it causes physical reactions, like your eyes becoming wide and the thoughts stop you in your tracks. Once again, if you wanted to share in summary what you went through I am here, but when you feel you want to.

    Thank you so much for your kind words about my brother. I was a complete shock and I think that is the hard part, dealing with the way he passed rather than the passing itself, if that makes sense. Thank you for confirming for me that you are not thinking of taking your life, I was so very very happy to read that I really appreciate you clearing that up, also the promise that you will share here, as we are here for you.

    That must have been a very sad day indeed when your grandfather passed and I cannot imagine the emotion that your father went through too. However you were all there and you all were able to see your dear grandfather and he knew he was loved. Maybe your grandfather knew he needed to go while your father went to get you all, to save you all from that actual moment of seeing him pass. Non the less as you say to me, we have many beautiful memories to cherish and that is what we need to focus on and that is what they would want us to focus on too.

    I wanted to ask you if you could spend some time, if you feel like it, and write down the facts, without emotions, just the plain facts of what it was you did? Not here but in a private page somewhere...the reason I ask this is over time we smother the act or the issue with some much emotion and feeling and then thinking and feeling for others that may have been involved that we end up down a path that is so far way from what happened actually. Also we can never know what others think unless they tell us so why to we "think" that they will feel like this or "think" that they will do that....do you know what I mean?

    Once you look at the act of what happened and start to ask yourself some honest questions, you might find out that what you did was not how you have viewed it all this time. That with time and emotion and overthinking and thinking on behalf of others we end up in a mess, not at the truth where we can heal.

    Hugs to you my friend

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  17. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    24 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah, welcome back :)

    Don’t worry I’m not upset, you don’t have to apologise, sometimes things just happen.

    I really like your idea of taking down notes and seeing what happened without feelings or emotions, but With facts. that would Help with taking away words from thoughts that just spiral out off control and leave room For more detail. I don’t see how bad of an idea that could be, the only problem I face is that when I try and think about it and try to Write it down I get really anxious, so to work around this, I’m thinking i should either take it easy and white the hole thing down Gradually Or write them in separate events like a list. Do you want me to post It a private forum? or should I write them down off-line?


    Really hopeful of what this will do for me, thanks so much for the advice.

    hugs

    The black rabbit

    1 person found this helpful
  18. geoff
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    24 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hello The black rabbit, I'm still reading your comments and the help Sarah has given you, so take your time when writing down what you want to explain to us, we're not going anywhere.

    Take care.

    Geoff.

  19. Aaronsis
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    24 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hey black rabbit

    I am so happy to hear that you are going to consider doing some writing, taking some time to just write down the facts. We don't have an offline service here but you could keep this record private, just for you or you could write down here, as long as it is not too detailed, hence why I suspect that doing this privately for you might be better. But there are some things you could share here, some facts and we can work through them and try to help you process the thoughts and the feelings around these facts in a manageable and helpful way.

    One thing that I have been struggling with lately and am having some care for is that I was having some extreme panic attacks and some huge anxiety around suicide. Not me taking my life but the thoughts that my children will. I have been so immersed in the suicide space, with the loss of my brother, researching about suicide, chatting here about suicide, so it seemed I was just filling with my brain with all things suicide. I was able to work through this from a point of asking my self what I was worried about "all my family are going to die by suicide and so are my children"...then asking myself if this is true "will all the people in my family die by suicide and will my children take their life?"...the answer is no. However I was putting my feelings over this statement and my thoughts "well seeing my brother did it and so many choose to take their life well then that means that my family will and I wont be able to help them and I cannot stop them"....these are my thoughts, making up scenarios in my brain that are not true...sure there are some truths...I am not able to stop anyone from taking their life, and what a huge pressure that is for me to feel that is my role. I can be there as best I can to support the people I love, I can have conversations with them and ask them directly, I can be there if they reach out to me, but it is not my role to save lives. I have peace with this now.

    I am wondering if you can write down on a piece of paper your fact, it might be ok to post here, and see if we can work you through getting rid of the story an the "they think's" as we don't know any of that or the "it is my fault that..." this might be a place to start for you.

    I also want to remind you about mistakes and that we are all making them, no one on this earth is perfect and it is how we recover, how we make an effort to correct them and how we learn from them that is important.

    Hugs to you

    Sarah

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  20. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    27 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi Sarah.

    I just wanted to ask if I can get a link to the private chat that you were talking about, I wrote a few words, and I’m going to write some more so I think this would be a good start To talk things out.
    All ready it’s been a Challenge, but I’m willing to push Though it. I’ve gone so in my mental state from were I started So I’m going Back now.

    thanks a tun for your support

    Hugs

    the black rabbit

    p.s

    I’ve gotten out of online learning and in to going to school again so I don’t think I’ll be as responsive as usual, I really hope this isn’t inconvenient, or damaging.

    p.s.s

    btw how do you put images on forums? I think it would be cool if for everyone on this to actually see James The Rabbit himself in image form :)

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Aaronsis
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    28 October 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hey black rabbit

    It is great to chat some more to you and I wanted you to know how proud I am that you have started to write down some things that are sitting within you. It is an emotional thing to do and it can bring tears and all sorts of feelings, especially when you see the words written in front of you. I have found it so very healing and helpful though and I am hoping this is true for you too.

    I hope that being back in school in the class environment is suiting you. I know some have loved home schooling and some have struggled with it, just as it true with in school learning, some love it and some struggle with it. I would love to know how you are going and how you find you learn best.

    Great to chat to you some more

    Hugs

    Sarah

    I am so sorry if I have confused you with the offline private chat, we don't have anything like that, we just have the forum here. So please feel safe that you can post some things here, it may not be as detailed as you need it to be but you can say somethings and I will be able to understand and hopefully help you through what you feel you have done that is so traumatic for you.

    With regards to the picture, I would love so much to see James the Black Rabbit, a way in which you can share your drawing of James is to update your profile picture and you could put a picture of your drawing there. Up the top right hand corner of this page is a section called "my account", if you click on that and then sign in it will take you to your profile, from there you can select to upload an image ( we can't do pictures of ourselves as we like to maintain anonymity on the forum) but you could put James as your profile picture..I have the angel with wings in front of the moon.

    Please do not apologize for the frequency in which you post. This is your thread and you post when you can or if you need to and it may be a few days or even weeks between your posts, sometimes if you are feeling bad it may be a few minutes so you use this as you need to ...never apologize for that.

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  22. the black rabbit
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    31 October 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    Hi everyone.
    hope you’re having good time in this long weekend

    As you might know I’ve started to write some facts down about some things that happened to me, all ready it’s Been hard to write down, especially Trying to only put in facts without going all over the place with negative thoughts, but I’m going to push it though it. I’ve written More than 130 words in 2 paragraphs, which is good. I’l write some more And I will post it on this thread very soon so stay tuned for that.

    Thank you so much for all your support

    Happy Halloween

    👻 🎃💀👹

    the black rabbit

  23. Aaronsis
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    2 November 2020 in reply to the black rabbit

    Hey black rabbit

    That is such great news that you have been able to not only write down some of the events that have happened but also try so hard to remove "the story"...the thoughts or the assumptions we put over the top some times that goes to a very dark or sad or hurtful place. It is so hard to write these things down, what has happened or what we have done as a result of what has happened in our lives but you are making these steps and I hope that they are in some small way providing you with comfort and with healing..even though the process is very hard.

    130 words is awesome and I am so very proud of you as I know this was not something that was easy for you to do, so well done.

    The weather has been outstanding this weekend and I am wondering if you have been able to get out and do anything that makes you feel good?

    Looking forward to reading what you are wanting to share here with us black rabbit, you are so very brave and courageous and I am so proud of you.

    Hugs as always

    Sarah

  24. the black rabbit
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    3 November 2020 in reply to Aaronsis

    hi Sarah.

    i think i'm ready to tell what happend

    long story sort

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  25. mocha delight
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    3 November 2020 in reply to the black rabbit
    Hi the black rabbit I haven’t posted on your thread but I try to keep up with it and I just want to say that’s good you think you are ready to talk as that’s the first step of the healing process for most things and I hope it’s one of many steps for you. And no need to rush to talk about what happened plus share as much as your comfortable to do so or want to. But if you go to do so and you just for whatever reason can’t then that’s ok to and just remember there is no judgment here besides we are all here for you.
  26. Sophie_M
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    3 November 2020 in reply to the black rabbit
    Hi the black rabbit,

    We've sent you a private message via email. 
  27. the black rabbit
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    6 November 2020 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thanks
  28. the black rabbit
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    23 posts
    9 November 2020

    Hi everybody. I just wanna to finally talk about what’s been happening.

    I’m 16 and I looked at a person that was very young in a YouTube Video and I was attracted. I was really paranoid that this makes a really bad person, (this was either in the end of 2019 or in April of 2020). I was really worried about my mental health. I’ve been thinking about it for months and I tried to talk to people about it but so scared of what they might of think of me. so I tried to the call the kids help line but to no avail. I think I’ve been through a lot. And that’s what I came here to talk about, to find answers and a why cope and Honestly it’s been great so far. I think I should switch to headspace since there primarily for young people. Today I had a talk with My mum and dad about and they said it completely fine because it was an accident and I’m only a teenager, they also Said that I’m probably overthinking it and I’m being to herd on my self, is this true?

    feeling very disturbed by everything but great about the accomplishments I’ve been making.



    sincerely

    the black rabbit

  29. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6608 posts
    9 November 2020 in reply to the black rabbit
    Hi the black rabbit,

    It's great to hear that you were able to communicate openly with your parents about what's been so present on your mind. We're sorry that you've been feeling disturbed, we understand it can be tough to be dwelling on difficult thoughts. It's definitely a good step to open up about these thoughts to trusted adults.

    It's also great that you're interested in getting involved with Headspace. They offer a wide range of services and they also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/

    Keep us updated whenever you're feeling up to it.

     
  30. the black rabbit
    the black rabbit  avatar
    23 posts
    15 December 2020 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi guys, I’m back. hope no one’s mad for my absence. (I mean it’s only been a couple of days but Previously I did this every day, which btw I enjoyed) Now that I’ve told you guys about what happened I wont to Ask some questions and hopefully get some answers.

    1. Is this actually trauma

    2. now that I’ve Said what happened, what do I do now?

    3. Am I ok?

    I’m glad to be Back I’m hoping to get black in touch.

    thanks for being so kind

    ~the black rabbit

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