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Forums / PTSD & Trauma / The day I lost my soul

Topic: The day I lost my soul

  1. Croix
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    21 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Dear Guest_7403~

    When the mind is 'too far gone' use the body instead.

    I once walked around a football ground a fair number of times before my rage left and I became calmer (Just as well because in my original state I might have done something I regretted to another)

    Croix

  2. david'n'goliath
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    21 July 2021 in reply to Croix

    Evening Croix! Yeh mate top advice.

    When I was feeling particularly vengeful, angry and damn right furious I would chop wood, shall we say - quite vigorously whilst saying rather loud expletives!

    That wood was well chopped!

  3. Petal22
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    21 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest 7403,

    I understand it’s hard but try to have that inner belief that there is a treatment out there for you….. a treatment that can help YOU!

    A Warrior never knows defeat a warrior will keep searching and trudging forward…… you just need to find that inner courage that I know you have! Take one step at a time guest 7403…… each step forward will get you closer and closer towards your recovery….. seek new avenues Guest 7403…… I know you have that courage inside you……… you may just stumble across a new way of living once you reach out to the correct treatment plan for you!

    Its within you Guest 7403 just try …. Step by step…

    We are all here cheering you on 💪

  4. Guest_7403
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    21 July 2021 in reply to david'n'goliath
    None of this stuff has any affect on me. I'm never going to change.....I give up.
  5. Petal22
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    21 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Never give up Guest 7403…….. you CAN change! It is possible

  6. Croix
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    22 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Dear Guest_7403~

    You do not have to change deep down. You protected someone - that is the YOU. So now protect you. This time others are not just standing around.

    When in the force I think I'd like working with the man you described, and no way I'd stand around and count the cost of helping - does not come into it.

    Croix

  7. therising
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    22 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest_7403

    Even though you can't feel for your kids, is it possible to use them as anchors to life? Would you be willing to do anything for them? Would you be willing to try group counseling/therapy? From experience, this is something incredibly challenging, sitting with strangers, gradually sharing how you feel. Perhaps these will be the only people who you will be able to relate to. Having someone to relate to can be mind altering. After15 years of being in depression, with a moment included where I hit the absolute bottom and tried to leave this world, it was a group of strangers who made the difference I'd been looking for, for so long.

    There is no pain in this world that compares with hitting the absolute depths of depression. There is nothing like it. In your desperation to get out of it, are you willing to try an approach you've never tried before, are you willing to meet with people who you can relate to?

  8. Learn to Fly
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    22 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest_7403,

    The beginnings of relationships can be exciting. There is the excitement of meeting someone new, discovering things about the other person, desire building up etc

    Once we sleep with a person there are a lot of things that suddenly are totally uncovered and this can arise a lot of mixed feelings in us: further excitement, anticipation, or disappointment, boredom, or reluctance, even fear to go any further. Depending on people and their circumstances.
    Not sure if this would be useful to you but maybe try to think what goes through your mind and how do you feel up till the moment you sleep with a woman as well as after that. What is different once you sleep with a woman? What does this act change?

    Take care.

  9. jtjt_4862
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    22 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Heya Guest_7403,

    Sorry to hear that you're feeling that way about yourself. Just wanting to seek clarification and understanding, what is it that's making you feel that life is a joke, and that your existence is miserable? Other than the things that you've mentioned previously in this thread. Is there anything else that you'd like to share? Happy to listen to ya buddy.

    Jt

  10. Guest_7403
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    22 July 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    When your wife says her vows knowing you're unwell and promises to be there and support you through recovery....to leave within 2 years without saying a word about them not being happy.

    To find out the last 4 months of a less than 2 yr marriage they were messaging another man constantly and left you in a day for them....to then withhold your daughter from you so that they can start with fresh.

    I was just wiped from existence, like I was nothing....and that's how I feel now.

    I've got no respect for wemon anymore, that's why I drop them like they're nothing....because that's what they'll do to me anyway.

    Humans are disgustingly selfish animals. I look forward to the day I don't wake to this hell of a world.

  11. jtjt_4862
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    22 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    That's certainly rough man, I'm sorry to hear that. It feels like you did not get any closure from your wife as to why she had decided to leave you, and taking your daughter away as well. That must've really hurt you deep, as you feel you've been thrown away just like that, without even telling you why you're being thrown away.

    If I may share a different perspective for you to consider, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to start fresh. I'm not sure if you were able to find closure within yourself from your past failed relationship, but we can seek peace and tranquility within ourselves by forgiving and forgetting. We're forgiving for the sake of letting go of the past, rather than excusing the hurt that the person has done to us.

    We're all born with flaws, whether it's selfishness, or ability to hurt someone else, we're all imperfect in many ways that makes us unique. So rather than hanging onto the thought of how someone have hurt you, learn to let it go, understand what the experience have taught you, and learn to accept the nature of human beings. We are all born and raised in different ways, with strengths and weaknesses that in a way, makes us unique from each other, and that includes you too.

  12. Petal22
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    23 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest 7403,

    How are you?

    I just wanted to post this to you….

    I forgive people

    it doesn’t mean I accept their behaviour or trust them again, it means I forgive them for me, so I can let go and move on with my life

    Guest 7403,

    I understand the things that happened to you in your life have caused you a lot of pain….. but please try to forgive and let it go….

    This will bring you PEACE…… ❤️🙏

  13. Guest_7403
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    25 July 2021 in reply to Petal22

    I honestly can't win

    A lady I seen a couple of times couple months ago reached out Friday....so went over for a chat at her request.

    Ended up sleeping together, she told me she wants to try with me....and I questioned her as last time she only wanted fwb.

    She told me not anymore she wants more as she missed me, missed our chats and kept wanting to see me.

    So I figured cool...give her a shot....been messaging heaps and she wanted to come over for a dinner tonight after work.

    So I clean up, go and get stuff at the shops to make the meal she asked for....and 30 mins before coming over....she messages and says she's not coming as she's not sure what she wants.

    Its just soul destroying, I don't know why this keeps happening to me. I told her before meeting on Friday night I wanted more than sex....I don't want fwb....she assured me she was the same....otherwise I wouldn't of gone.

     

    No wonder I have so many trust issues with wemon now....its  soul destroying I just want to start smashing the walls of this house I'm so frustrated I want to scream!!

  14. Petal22
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    25 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest 7403,

    Sorry this happened to you it must feel very disheartening…… I understand……..

    Well Guest 7403 maybe she isn’t the right woman for you……… just try to let the situation go…… and move forward….. hold your head high…

    The woman’s behaviour is a reflection of her! Not you!

    You will find the right woman for you……

    Try to do something nice for yourself….

  15. jtjt_4862
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    26 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest_7403,

    Sorry to hear about that man... That really sucks... You deserve better, and hopefully you were able to move on and let go of her.

    Jt

  16. Learn to Fly
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    26 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest_7403

    Man, this sucks. I can imagine how disappointed you must have felt. And frustrated. And angry.
    She mentioned she didn’t know what was she wanted. As frustrating as it sounds hope you will see it this way only and don’t take the whole thing personally. She might have her own personal issues and you were just unfortunate to happen to be at the receiving end.
    As hard as it is try to not project it on all women as not everyone behaves this way. I imagine though, this might sound a bit empty for you atm having just gone through such a disappointment.

    Take care there.

  17. smallwolf
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    26 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    I read your latest post and the replies you received and admit I don't know the full story...

    I would also be sad, angry, frustrated about the whole situation as well. After all, you went to a lot of effort for the night.

    As "Learn to fly" said ... she may have her own issues to deal with. She may be scared about what was happening and implications and could only tell you at the last minute.Some people with anxiety issues respond like this. I know I have.

    I don't know if you had deep(er) conversations with her about what she was looking for and perhaps and opportunity to find out and (a) get some sort of closure, or (b) work out what she wants and perhaps a way of moving forward.

    Listening and reading, Tim

  18. Guest_7403
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    26 July 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    There's no point in trying anymore, im so exhausted and defeated by life.

    That light becomes fainter everyday...its barely visible anymore.

    Feel like an hour glass, and the sands falling faster and faster.

  19. Petal22
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    26 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Grab onto something Guest 7403……. The best is yet to come…….

    Look for something positive in each day even if you have to look a little harder some days ……. 😊💪

  20. Petal22
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    27 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest 7403,

    How are you today? You are such a resilient person with every challenge we are given in life our resilience builds…….. try to look at challenges with a new perspective…

    Just some thing I want to share with you:

    You are not Everyone’s Cup of Tea

    The world is filled with people, who no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. BUT the world is also filled with those who will LOVE you fiercely. The ones who love you: they are your people.

    Don’t waste your finite time and heart trying to convince the people who aren’t your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won’t buy what you are selling. Don’t try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours.

    Politely wave them along and you move away aswell. Seek to share your path that recognise and appreciate your gifts, who you are.

    Be who you are

    You are not everyone s cup of tea and that’s OK….

    😊

  21. Petal22
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    27 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403
    Seek to share your path with those who recognise and appreciate your gifts, who you are
  22. Guest_7403
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    27 July 2021 in reply to Petal22

    I've always been scientifically minded.....but there's a part of me that believes in fate/soul mates.....it might be the empath in me.

    Any ways a few years ago I went interstate for a weekend away with a mate and met this stunningly beautiful girl at a club....hit it off....instant chemistry.....went back to her house and had the only random one night stand of my life.....it was just the perfect night.....and its one of the only true happy memories I have to this day.

    When I'm super low I still think about her and how it was just a flawless experience.....for both.

    So got rejected earlier in the evening on a dating app.....and was feeling pretty low in myself

    So I sit down to watch TV ....and there's that beautiful girl playing sports.

    I googled her and yep definitely her.

    It really did cheer me up, not only did it bring back such lovely memories but to see her representing...truly amazing.

    For me, it's fate that I seen that in that moment of lowness.

    It reminds of who I was back then and who I can be again

    1 person found this helpful
  23. Petal22
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    27 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest 7403,

    I am so happy to hear you say that! How wonderful Guest 7403………. hold onto that” hold onto everything about it”! YES you can be that person again definitely! ! It s all within us Guest 7403……. Every thing we have ever wanted is in us! We hold the power within us to be whoever we want to be…….. we just need to go out with in intent and be that person every day…………. It’s within us……. Take back your power Guest 7403…….. the best is yet to come…

    I believe in fate too, I believe every thing happens for a reason…… we may not know at the time what it’s here to show us at the time but in du course it will be revealed……..

    For what happened in your low moment and it lifted you…. I believe it’s fate …… just amazing……. Always believe in miracles because they happen every day….. never loose HOPE!

    Rise up my friend 😊

  24. therising
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    28 July 2021 in reply to Guest_7403

    Hi Guest_7403

    While Albert Einstein rejected a lot of religious beliefs, he did believe in a kind of spiritual nature in life, expressing 'Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind'. To be scientifically minded whilst recognising the soulful nature of life, is what it means to encompass all possibilities whilst questioning the source of all things.

    How incredible, seeing that woman on television. I can imagine you were incredibly shocked when you saw her. I find sometimes it is the truly shocking moments, the incredible synchronicities, which wake us up to who we truly are. There can be so many subtle synchronicities, so subtle that we miss them, so thank goodness for the shocking ones which give us a heartfelt jolt. Can remember some years ago, having one of the worst nights of my life. In preparing for bed whilst sobbing almost uncontrollably, I recall having said out loud 'I can't do this anymore. If you're there, send me an angel'. I'm not a religious gal by the way, more into a general form of spirituality. I put my head on the pillow before reaching over to turn on the radio. The song that played was 'In the arms of the angels'. The timing was truly incredible. I believe, at times, we are meant to be shocked back to life, when feeling there is no life left in us.

    I'm so sorry to hear of the woman who let you down. Incredibly disappointing. Perhaps she showed up in your life to remind you of how much you still wish to love. Perhaps she appeared in your life to prepare you for the woman to come. I hope she comes soon. With you being somewhat of an empath, I hope you feel her nature clearly, without question.

    :)

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