Hello everyone,

I'm suffering textbook anxiety and minor depression because of this. I'll try and make this as simple to understand as possible.

I was dating a girl for about 5-6 weeks, and we were getting more serious. during a night out for dinner, she had told me some bad things had happened in her previous week, and then she revealed to me she had had a threesome in the past, something that caught me off guard but didn't really care about, however the surprise and shock ruined my appetite. She believed I had behaved differently, and took the time to think about us, and about me, and about if I could handle her past.

From that night, the following day onwards, she no longer sent/replied to my snaps, her texts were suddenly deadpan, and she stopped responding to me with any emotion. My anxiety kicked in, but she never told me what was on her mind. Then, my attempts to make plans with her kept falling through, and a whopping 5 days went by where she and I were away from each other, and she had time to think to herself. My anxiety was out of control, I was so afraid of what was going on. Afraid to text, afraid to call, I was terrified and the feeling lingered for those 5 days. After seeing her on the 6th day, she told me all her feelings for me had died out, no longer saw me romantically, and thought she was doing me a service by "sparing me" of her, to which I told her I didn't care about her past, only about her present with me.

After discussion, and saying we'd keep in touch, we spent another 5 days apart, which destroyed me even more. I liked this girl more in 6 weeks than I did my ex-girlfriend after 6 months. When we finally met again, we had a dinner, it was very intimate, but she actively avoided succumbing to the intimate environment of the restaraunt (wouldnt hold my hand etc). I'd prepared her favourite song, a rose, and a printed drawing just for her of her favourite anime character (that I had drawn) all back at my apartment for me to sweep her off her feet, hit the reset button and let her know I want to be there to help her with her problems and help solve me own together.

Even after showing all of that, she stayed adamant and decided to end things, it was very emotional. Deep down I know this girl still has feelings for me, and I want to get her back, I don't want to have anxiety anymore, and I want to get through her defenses. What do I do. I can't stop thinking about her, and this didn't end right. I saw a future in us. Help me.

Hey Alex

I'm sorry about your situation. I can remember going through similar things many times with women when I was younger. Look I'm not sure why she decided to tell you out of the blue about her past. It put you off your dinner so it must have had some impact. Regardless, sometimes it's just not mean to be. I know you don't want to hear that - but there are some things you just can't change. From what you've said she's obviously aware of how much you like her. Now she's ended things so you have to move on. Yes that really sucks, and it hurts, and it feels like someone has died - but you'll be ok. There are HEAPS of girls just right for you out there.

I know you can't stop thinking about her but you will, and that won't be far away. When you can, get out and do some vigorous exercise, spend some time with friends, use this time to draw something really cool. You don't have to be there to solve her problems either (women don't want that) and you don't have to get through her defenses. You tried to take it to the next level, she didn't respond, so don't take it personally (IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!). Just keep getting out there and meeting new people.

Oh and by the way - if someone you've only just started dating gets too revealing with significant personal issues, maybe see that as a big red flag. You don't need that trust me

Hi Alex,

That sounds really tough for you to go through this break up with no information about why. Especially since you've tried so hard to keep it going, but she's just gone cold.

I think Apollo Black has given you some really good advice on what to do and how to keep yourself going.

So I just wanted to reinforce that you've done all you could, and the ball is in her court. The only thing you can do now is focus on yourself.

I am going through the same thing at the moment and every time I think of contacting her, I tell myself: I can't get through to her. Her walls are up for the only purpose of keeping me out. If she wants to take those walls down, she will. But I can't do anything more, and I'll just wear myself out trying to break those walls.

So please take the time to focus on yourself. It's no comfort, but it sounds like she has issues from her past that she needs to work on and if she doesn't want your help, there's nothing you can or should do. You've already been the best friend that you could be.

Hope to hear back from you again about how you're going.

James