Hi, I'm a Newby. I'm 3 months from birth, having a boy.
I left the father he is currently under IVO. That's not why I am posting as I have supports though it has been really tough.
I was just sitting here thinking how unprepared I am to be a single mother. I forget often that I am pregnant until he kicks me. I'm thinking about how utterly different I am from the person I was 6 months ago.
I almost terminated because I didn't believe I could be a mother and the relationship was so bad... I won't go there it's been a hard road and now I feel though I like the person I am becoming, someone with purpose, at the same time I have no idea who I am or who I am expecting.
I wake up and have to remind myself this isn't a dream this baby is coming, I am a mum and wtf? I don't know who I am anymore.
Ive made so many preparations but it still feels like it's just for a visitor, not for my forever son.
I feel like I'm not taking this seriously enough but I couldn't take it more seriously... So much paradox, confusion shock and fear yet I'm building a love I've never had or felt in my life.
How does one even give love when they've never known it?
Some nights I just cry because I'm so confused. I don't even know where to begin .
I wasn't planning on living much longer now I have stepped into this completely different person. I can't even remember who I was
Awh, I know everything I'm writing is senseless.
Im relying on. Just doing the best I can because my well kept secret is I've got no idea what I'm doing.
I read about kids, birth and such and have made some plans but deep down I'm afraid for my baby, being his mother.
I just hope he loves me.