I have been estranged/cut off from my two daughters since 2013 after an emotional separation and divorce from their father.
It was a difficult time for all of us. I thought long and hard before leaving their father and our marriage of 26 years. He was an alcoholic/gambler with a lady 'friend'. The 'lady friend' was the last straw for me, as at times he did not come home. My daughters, at the time of my leaving, were 22 & 25 and living with their partners. I was an emotional mess and had a breakdown.
I made many errors in the early days that I see now with the passing of time.
Over the years I have attempted to reconcile through letters, but have been met with a cold wall of silence.
My early letters were full of apologies, taking the blame etc.. and asking for them to talk to me and explain why they had cut me off with no forewarning or discussion. These letters I had to send via their grandmother (fathers mother) as I had/have no address for them, no phone numbers as they had/have blocked/changed numbers. Blocked me on all social media. Just wiped me completely.
It is now 8 years and still nothing. The last few years I have sent a card for their birthdays with a simply message, nothing emotive. Things like 'let me know if you would like to have a coffee'. No long stories, no self pity, no trying to explain, nothing along those lines.
I have heard through one of their cousins, that my daughters are not talking to each. It appears we have all gone separate ways. They have cut themselves off from all of my family as well, just the one cousin has contact with my eldest daughter - but little contact. My eldest married in Oct 2019 and apparently her father did not go and her and her sister had a fight the night before the wedding and she left during the night.
Such a mess!
I have done a lot of work with my psychologist and a lot of introspection. I have moved on with my life and now have a wonderful partner of 5 years and strong relationship. I concentrate on that these days.
My question is, do I just leave them alone even if it means forever, or wait until them reach out to me?
I feel I am in a loose/loose situation where if I don't try occasionally, they see it as me not caring, if I do try, then I am not respecting their 'boundaries'.
Appreciate any insight others may be able to provide.