Ahhhhh, families.... I have been the dysfunctional family and in the same place as you. And trust me, it's not you.
My ex's family was VERY dysfunctional. Dad was a friendly farmer, Mum resented Dad for staying on the farm so she was angry at the world, one child was harbouring major anger towards his mother, another child didn't work and then there was my ex - who was friendly, caring and loving. I made lots of effort, like yourself, with baking and helping out when we'd go to visit, but was ever met with a "thank you" or even a hug. I even managed to pull some strings once, to get my ex's grandfather an appointment with a specialist that was SO hard to get into (I owed some people A LOT of favours for that) - and I got nothing - no acknowledgement. That's just not who they were. And I had to learn that just because I thought they should be a certain way, didn't mean they were ever going to be. It didn't mean they disliked me, they just were [I can't think of a word so forgive me for this] "beige" toward me. They didn't crack open the champers when they saw me, but they also didn't loathe me - they were just beige. And, yes, there will be some element of them in your lives - but you're not dating/marrying them, you're with your partner - and that just comes with a family that is a bit different to yours. And to be fair, they raised your partner who you love, so they've done something right :)
I don't have the best relationship with my father. Neither does my brother. To be fair, neither does my mum (still married, but REALLY should not be). I have a great relationship with my mum and brother. But my dad... I've tried to talk to him about my mental health, but anytime I do, my dad pulls a complete jerk move and makes it all about him. After 3 years together, my partner now sees the impact my dad's negativity and expectations have on me. And when I think about our wedding day... I don't want my dad there. It's not how I wanted my life to be, but my father is never going to be the dad I want or need him to be. And I have to make peace with that.
You just have to remember that you are responsible for you - that means continuing to be your-lovely-self, but also resetting your expectations. You can't change how they are as people, so it's a case of accepting that you're not likely to ever get sunshine and lollipops from them. It's hard, but once you can accept what you will get from them (beige), it will make life easier.