Hi everyone, I'm new to the forums but have been reading and finding comfort in the responses found within them.
I would like to share my story as I've been feeling up and down but now feel at my lowest.
I have been in a long term relationship which has been very strained over the past 5 years. I'd become more of a carer than a partner and had lost all physical and sexual interest and was very lonely. I also found my partner had been cheating on me online. It just felt easier to stay as I didn't have the strength to leave. We have been living in separate bedrooms the last six months. During this time I have been suffering from insomnia, anxiety, depression and have had panic attacks. I have been having counselling.
We have been together a long time and I'm not from where we live so I feel really isolated with no support network.
A few months ago a manager at work started friendly conversation with me, which increased in frequently to the point I was getting constant messages over the company communication system. I quickly began to enjoy the attention and looked forward to our chats and became attached to the point that our relationship became physical. Not long after they cut communication with no explanation. I can only assume they wanted sex and have now moved on. I have since discovered that they have done this before.
I feel heartbroken at the breakdown of my long term relationship and feel angry and disappointed in myself that I fell for someone who saw I was at a weak point in my life and took advantage of me. They also broke my heart.
I used to love my job, still do, but find myself crying at my desk, unable to concentrate and feeling alone and helpless. Because I effectively 'cheated' on my partner I feel embarrassed and can't talk about this with anyone and have sunk further into depression and often cry to the point I can't breathe. I still have to work with this person.
I feel like I need closure, like I need them to admit to me why they did what they did before I can move on. I also need an end my long term relationship but they refuse to accept its over.
Counselling so far hasn't worked and I have begun abusing prescription meds.
Every day I feel like I am sinking deeper and deeper and I don't know to get out of this hole.
Any support or advice appreciated.