Hello dBrad, I feel sorry for both yourself and your wife, as I know what PPD/PND is, as my wife struggled with it, and the more you tried to help, didn't make any difference, it still wasn't enough, but understand it's not her fault, it's an illness that can happen, although I'm not a doctor to comment, but I also developed PND.
Whatever has been said to you is because of this illness and once she can overcome this, then these comments are generally forgotten, but at the moment they hurt you, PANDA on 1300 726 306 9 am to 7.30 pm would be able to help you and/or your wife.
If you can contact them, then ask them whether you can have some time off work and not knowing what you should be doing, then these people will be able to help you.
They will give you skills so that you can become a stronger dad, unfortunately, they were just starting to set up when I had it, so I didn't know.
You can't cope with this by yourself so you can also seek advice from your doctor and if you're able, try and get your wife the help she needs.
Really like to hear back from you.