This is my first time posting on here,
I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety
for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous
girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a
horrendous cycle of anxiety & depression when she wanted to move back home
to Spain. I loved her more than anything, but was caught up in a cycle of
thinking about the future. I agreed to move to Spain with her, but she wanted
to stay in Australia longer. I was on the merry-go-round of anxiety and
depression, I would break up with her because the anxiety was too much, then I
would get back together with her because i missed her so much. This went on for
8 months and it drove me into the biggest big hole of depression.
Eventually i couldn't take it anymore and i went
to Europe to escape the torture I was going through. While in the UK I met somebody else, we
started spending time together, i laughed and felt joy for the first time in so
long. We travelled together continuing the relationship, however my mind was
still very unsettled at this stage, I wanted to pursue the relationship,
however I still had mixed feelings about everything.
We ended up getting separated when Australia closed its
boarders. The Government wouldn't allow her to come and wouldn't allow me to
leave. just as her visa was about to get approved, they would push it out
longer, and longer again with no indication of when she would be allowed in. This
was extremely an stressful situation, we were reunited 14 months later.
She is now 5 months pregnant with the baby due at
the beginning of June. Unfortunately I am still facing major depressive
episodes, many times i don't feel anything, I have no positive feelings about
the future, suicidal thoughts running around my head. I have tried anti
depressants, which don't really seem to do anything. She doesn't have any
family or friends here, I try to support her the best I can, but a lot of the
time I just cry non stop as the depression is so heavy. i know it is starting
to effect her and all the stress can't be good for the baby. I resigned from my
job last week after spending 9 years with the same company. I just couldn't go on any
longer. Right now I am just focusing on myself doing meditation and exercise
everyday, however I feel hopeless most of the time, I just want to get my
happiness back so I can be a good partner and father to my child.
Advise would be greatly appreciated.