I was told late last week that he had lost the spark from our relationship, he wanted a break and i agreed to it even though its not want i wanted, i wanted to work on our relationship and get that spark back , he didnt want any of that so i have found myself all weekend in a crazy spiral, one minute im fine next im a crying mess, i feel like there is this pain that i cant get rid of, i think about shelf harming, jumping infront of a train hoping i would go into a coma and lose my memory then i think your such a stupid girl, a silly little patheic girl.

I dont know what to do, i just want this pain gone ! 

Hi there Bee  

The break up of a relationship can be truly horrible to get through and everything can become so overwhelming at the time – and that’s the other thing:  ‘time’.  Time just seems to slow right up and  it feels like you’ll never get over this person.  But that isn’t the case – you probably don’t want to hear that right now – but Bee, it WILL get better.  

Now you’re also not stupid, you’re not silly and you’re not pathetic – you also wrote that you’re little – but I can’t comment on that, for obvious reasons.  :)   Bee, you simply wouldn’t be human if you weren’t experiencing these emotions (you’d be a Terminator) and I strongly suspect that you are not one of those humanoid/machines.  And so these feelings that you’ve got happening are all genuine, they’re real and YES, they hurt.  

I think when you wrote this, it actually wasn’t all that long ago that this split had first happened – correct me if I’m wrong here – but if that is correct, then this break is still extremely raw for you – but I guess I really just want you to know that what you’re feeling/experiencing now is real and is normal – it just has to be ridden out and kind of like you’re breaking in a horse.  It’ll buck and twist and turn and want you off its back – but the more you hang on and hang on, the less the horse bucks – and after a while, he realises – “oh kay – if I continue to buck, you’re just going to remain sitting there, so bugga it, I’ll just accept it and move on with things – and it’s kinda cool to have you on my back”.   I don’t even know if that analogy fits this situation, but thought it was ok at the time.  

Please be kind to yourself Bee and I would really like to hear back from you.  

 Kind regards  

Neil

Dear Bee,

Neil is correct.  I've survived (odd word but it hits the mark) two long term relationships before finding Mrs right.  Both break ups left me in a horrible mess for a few months. What helped me the most?

Activity. Anything that occupies the mind.  For me it was working 6-7 days a week to pay cash for a brand new motorcycle, that was the second time.  The first time was buying a block of land and building my own home.  Sure the nights were lonely but I was so busy and tired I'd fall asleep through exhaustion.  It worked.

I recall once I looked into the mirror.  This was after a barrage of words from my ex "you arent worthy of a woman in your life".  I said to the  image in the mirror "you are a good person, you are indeed worthy of a good woman and a better one!" 

Pep yourself up. Get through it and you'll look back one day and see much clearer than you do at this moment in your life.

hugs

Well Bee , your not alone , I can tell you from experience I too know that pain , it fades over time which is a good thing as it isn't nice having your heart ripped out. I can also tell you that there is more to life than just one relationship, you have friends and family that you love and that love you , so work on those relationships , share your loss with friends and move on , try life ... It's not that hard to do and most of it is free ... Really I was rejected and worked on it for years , staying in a dysfunctional relationship for years until I realised that neither of us were going to be able to make each other happy , now I have a great relationship and have re married and there's no way that I would be traveling the world and doing what I am doing now if I had hung in there working in it with someone who didn't have there heart in it .

looks for love , don't rush it enjoy your friends and family and be happy , be yourself and you'll find the next clue to the journey and it will always deliver more if you want it.

dear Bee, how could I agree any more than what Neil, White Knight and our new comer Hyperspace have replied to you, it all rings a bell for me also so very much, and when I was divorced I was devastated, but what it meant is that my first and only first love of my life that I ever had loved was divorcing me, this was the first lady who I had an intimate relationship with, so I was just a young puppy at my age, so deprived of physical life and after 25 years of marriage I was totally lost, but then I had to move on, so along this this long road I had experienced other people along the way, but I was still feeling by myself, but you have the option, that there are other many people that would love you, just as there are other people who I and then themselves we could have a relationship, and at the moment I would never stay in a permanent relationship, simply for the fact is that I don't want to hurt again, however you must be young at age and young at heart, while I'm old at age but young at heart, so my mind still is open for anything.

Take good care of your beautiful young heart, the world is open for you. L Geoff. x