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Topic: living alone

  1. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    10 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    My Slovenian friend said yesterday , your doing the right thing. You don't need to officially break up but bc of having no idea of gf's outcome or when it may be talking yrs, you need to get on with life, and you need to be open should a nice chickie cross your path. Bloody hell , it's only been a few days and she's lining me up already.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  2. randomx
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    3349 posts
    11 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    How ironic.

    Even though l was married a long time , outside of that l'd basically been pretty much a loner my whole life apart from gf's . l've always been very choosy about when or if l feel like people.

    Well after a divorce , l doubted l'd ever get married again and spent a lotta lotta time alone doing what l want when l want with no qualms at all. Took a long time to get use to being with gf again but through last yr l started to adjust and could even see remarrying. And now this yr comes along which l think we've only managed to see ea other once now. So why did l have to get use to it again and start looking forward to a life as two again , but now this.

    l must admit just lately , l am really missing being with someone again, sharing life again, holding, touch , conversation , kisses goodbye and back again, life in double. This is the first time in my life l'm just not enjoying being alone anymore.

    rx

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  3. CMF
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    9224 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    I think it is easy to feel we don't want to meet anyone again when we go through crap and adjust to being alone. I was the same before m came along. I was so glad to be rid of my ex and the idea of having to meet, trust, get to know someone again was just too much. I'm also a loner...but then...

    I enjoy that i have someone to do all these things "sharing life again, holding, touch , conversation , kisses goodbye and back again, life in double" but i must say, if we ended i would not bother again. You met someone great, fun to be with, someone with qualities you love. You'clicked' on many levels so it is understandable you would miss that now.

    I understand what you are saying, it would take a pretty special person to make me want to get involved again if i found myself single.

    Big hugs

    cmf x

    2 people found this helpful
  4. randomx
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    3349 posts
    12 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm and thanks as always.

    Yeah l felt it in your words a few mths back when you felt things weren't looking too good at the time , exactly as l've been feeling. l'm so pleased you chiseled away though and last l read, l'm seeing good things for you guys you'll get there, great stuff.

    But nope , not feeling like it one iota let me tell ya. We wanted to hold on , not only for us and feelings , but for this 3yrs we've put into us as well. But what can ya do , with her situation at this stage now, not much.

    The mere thought of maybe starting again someday though if it comes to that now hell yeah , it'd really have to be something , that also falls into my lap , or something. Bc l cert couldn't be bothered with anything else that's for sure.

    Big hugs

    rx

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  5. ecomama
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    13 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx

    I think it's such a wishy washy time for you because neither of you really wanted to break up.

    With other endings of relationships, it's not so much "easy" but could be easy-ER.
    Mainly because there was one person making a definitive END to the relationship.

    Then it's done.

    Yours with gf is not this way, I think that's why you have so many thoughts over it all.

    Just pointing out the obvious lol.

    I'm glad you spent some time going to the water's edge and just "being".

    I know what you mean about needing the next person to kind of fall into your lap lol.
    I've never and would never do dating sites, it's just NOT my thing at all but more power to those who like them. Horses for courses.

    Maybe you're on your way to healing from this relationship, acknowledging your desire to have somebody in your life?

    I don't want somebody, I only want BF. I wouldn't even want to be with anyone else if we broke up.
    Tbh the thought of that is just YUCK! lol... get me out of there! Kind of feeling hahaha...

    Glad you don't feel that way. More chance of you meeting someone new the way you're thinking!

    So you ARE selling?
    Big changes afoot there.

    Do you intend on staying in the area?

    My across the road neighbour's sold for 1.2 mill recently. Same same, just a little cottage. The RE Agents are like scavengers, it's doing my head in.
    Anyway no plans to move in my camp.
    Only thoughts of building the cabin and renovating the first floor for my boys. Eventually for boarders.

    Take care rx!
    EMxxxx

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  6. randomx
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    3349 posts
    13 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hiya em .

    And nah of course we don't want to we just don't know how else to do things, especially in the state she's in she can't handle a relationship right now. But also you see one day you know you can be together , so even if that's a few more yrs , you still "know it". But we don't know that we want it of course , it is that way. Of course l don't wanna be with anyone else, ever, couldn't even imagine it now can't even think of anyone else.

    God almighty a little cottage 1.2 eh, Australian RE has seriously lost it's marbles hasn't it. Suppose there's no complaints if you happen to be on the receiving end though haha.

    Selling yepppa, tough one. The cabin l mentioned a few posts back, l would rather sell it , l'd love to be rid of it actually. But the thing is it brings in that rent, so it's probably silly to sell that off and lose that rent.

    My house here , yeah waiting on a subdivision that's why it's been all up in the air 18mths. But the subs suppose to be done next few mths now though finally so we see. l've gotta finish my last job for the yr at work , then do a bit on the house to get it ready , and by then we should know if the subs gone through so if it has yeah will probably sell the house.

    But area yikes that's a toughy , not sure yet. Gf and l had been checking out areas 18mths now, still not decided though. Might pack my car and go travel for awhile if l do sell to hell with it haha well, if this bloody Covid bs is sorted by then.

    Your place sounds lovely good for you hey, who care's about 1.2's , your home is far more important than 1.2's eh.

    You too.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    15 October 2021

    Very low.

    lt's been about two wks since we've talked apart from one quick, and it's sinking in. My phones dead quiet too we usually chit chat all day long and working it's really nice bc l work on my own too, so use to the ph going off every 5mins. Or sitting down for coffee and rest , catching up on our messages , calls at lunchtime , or any time, miss it.

    Been really feeling it and missing her, us, all of our stuff and ways. l hope she's ok bc it'll be a lot worse for her in her situation. Thankfully l at least have a lot of stuff and routine going on as distractions and the comfort of my own place as normal , she doesn't have any of that poor thing.

    But l do have one big thing my daughter here 24/7 and l'm just not use to it especially at a time like this. l really need to be alone right now. She's stuck at home smashed her car it wasn't bad she didn't get hurt but not worth fixing. So she saved for awhile and l chipped in a bit and we've finally found her another car - which turned into a real strain along with gf stuff going on and it being my busiest time of yr , but with my d just home 24 7 apart from a few train trips or night or two at her mums. She's done really well holding it together though but it's been a strain. Not to mention getting her to do anything or the mess , god almighty l just don't need that bs right now , just bloody do it don't make me end up yelling about it 20 times later. Anyway so we're doing the RWC on the car now like l don't have enough to do but hopefully she;ll be on the road and independent again in the next wk or two,

    The stuff and strain she's put us through and been this last 18mths is just too bloody much at the best of times , but right now , mannnnn. At least she's been calm , no manic , and a real sweetheart actually , a lazy one though. But pretty amazing bc it's as hard on her stuck home like this and with me as it is me. So really she's done well this last few mths after the nightmares of this last 18 for her, AND us.

    Anyway , l need this bloody car on the road , soooooo badly. and so does she. Not that you'd know it she's even lazy with all that.l freaking want it done though and need it bad so l'm all over it when l can and it should be done soon.

    She's never home when she's got her car and she also gets really motivated to do stuff, when she's not in trouble anyway. l really need her out there living her own life though , l just can't keep living like this , especially right now,

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  8. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    15 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    l don't understand the cards l'm getting lately.

    lot of money stuff of course that l get with everything going on financially. But the love stuff is vague lately for the first time in 5yrs now, very strange and l'm getting other cards l haven't had in yrs. They aren't bad cards , they're good actually. They're about happiness, good luck, they're good cards - although the money stuff yeah makes sense right now but there certainly isn't much happiness goin on as for luck well , not much of that either.

    Although that part isn't necessarily about right now , it's reading more like over the next few mths but still where as the money stuff is right now and as it is in reality. But the love , what's happened to it. It can't just stop after nearly 5yrs , not without a resolution .

    rx

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  9. ecomama
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    16 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx, big hugs!

    Life is so hard some times, and so difficult to understand! Mainly about our interactions with others I find.

    Kids are another whole ball game. I can hear how daughter is weighing heavily on you atm.
    Raising kids is hands down the most difficult job in the world IMO only.
    It's a 24/7 job and when it's challenging, it's REALLY challenging. Otherwise it's constantly CONSTANT.

    It's tough, I'm hearing you.

    The GF sitch is beyond complicated for you and her. These feelings your feeling are perfectly natural in your situation.

    It's hard to keep moving forward with these heavy weights on your mind, so you're doing SO WELL just doing what you're doing right now.
    Sometimes it feels like we're treading water and not getting anywhere, but those muscles you're exercising treading water are strengthening you.
    You're getting stronger.

    It's a new reality you're adjusting to.
    Grounding is really important.
    So is maintaining some relationships you deem important.

    Waiting for the subs is another treading water too! You really got it going on and NOT. Grrr pretty frustrating and I would say overwhelming too at times!

    I just wrote this on the Gardening thread lol... when I feel overwhelmed with "stuff" here, I try to turn it into feelings of GRATITUDE. I'm grateful to BE IN a position to have these choices.

    I know FOR SURE I deserve to be in a comfortable financial position. I worked hard for it all and I deserve it.
    But I also know for sure that billions of other people have worked hard all their lives and aren't in a good position.
    So I'm grateful.

    Yep absolutely 1.2 is nothing compared to having a beautiful space to grow my family, food, our pets!
    Our memories and heritage.
    Choices.

    Anyway ours is 1.4 now lol and my "I'm terrible Muriel" point is that demon would be rotting in his socks over this lol!!!

    And now I hear the Angels in Heaven who protected us all through ALL of this sing HALLELUJAH!

    Your cards are showing the HOPE and good fortune coming your way.
    You've already had the most amazing life and it's FAR from over yet.

    More power to you rx,
    Love EMxxxx

  10. randomx
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    3349 posts
    16 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Ahh the beautiful angels em.

    l can't feel them at the moment , but at least they sing for you after everything else, beautiful l'm really glad.

    l'll be back.

    rx

  11. randomx
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    3349 posts
    16 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Got a nice little surprise yesterday low and behold , d cleaned the cleaned the kitchen top to bottom. About a wk back she scrubbed the bthr top to bottom. Told her we're taken her for a check up , somethings wrong haha. Nah she does have a beautiful heart , and does do things too , she just does them on C time we call it. Unfortunately that only comes around about 1/10th of what's needed to keep a place like this clean but eh when it does at least it does huh.,

    rx

  12. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    16 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hiya em and thanking you kindly , and hugs back at you.

    lt is hard yep , and people yeah most def' the biggest complication of it all. And yeah she does , it's been like 20yrs parenting squeezed into 18mths can't believe stuff we've dealt with, and right when ex and l were thinking ahhh, some our time at last ha, so much for that.

    l've actually got a feel good list on my phone, l'm suppose to repeat it everyday, but l've been forgetting a lot lately , must start that again it really does help the mind doesn't it. It is true many have worked damn hard to get to where they've gotten for sure. Matter of fact , in the good old lucky country we have some of the longest working hrs in the world now. Anyway , 1.4 hey , wow , well done. But fore sure , if it's your home and you guys love it then that's all that matters.

    l hope they're showing hope l'm kinda losing soma that lately and could use it. Unfortunately things are gonna be burning at both ends until end of yr especially if the sub goes through. But after that it's relaxo and lots of it later, l hope. Gf things yeah it's not gonna be easy , especially for her , so worried about her. l suppose l'm lucky with a lot going on although admittedly l'd sooner dump it all and stay in bed.

    Thanks again for the kind thoughts em , hope you have a great Sunday eh.

    rx

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  13. CMF
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    17 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    You're so strong. It's normal that low feeling after a relationship ends. It's the process. You make the decision, you know it's fir the best, you're sad but then it hits home when you've had no communication for a few weeks. I guess it's the process we need to go through. It's interesting the cards have changed. Maybe the decision to move on has cleared your path for other things? Nice to hear your d has been cleaning to. Every little bit helps for sure.

    Hope you start to feel a bit better soon. One step at a time rx.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

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  14. randomx
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    3349 posts
    17 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm and thanks as always.

    Strong ooooo, not feelin it unfortunately but thanks nonetheless. But yep , no way round it though unfortunately .

    Tbh , l don't know what our decision was specifically apart from well , to try to just get on with life right now and l suppose we could say , put us on hold, l dunno , or something like that.

    lt a weird thing , it doesn't feel like breaking up and l know deep down we hope it isn't , moreso a release from limbo for me l suppose l could call it and so the pressure off in that regard for her too, hopefully it helps.

    The cards are very strange , maybe it is things like that , if there's anything in it l suppose time will tell hey , story of my life . At least they would good cards none the less.

    Funny when l was reading yours and m cleaning the house , l dunno wth came over d haha but not complaining for sure.

    Well we went over to the beach for lunch and some wandering , really nice day.

    All the best with hugs.

    rx

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  15. ecomama
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    18 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx, all good champ :-)

    Such beautiful weather lately, glad to hear you've been getting out and enjoying it at the beach.

    I guess in a way re: GF it's like "treading water"?

    That's how it is in my relationship, treading water lol.

    Glad to hear the cards are looking good for you, awesome actually.

    Yeah the property market is nuts here atm, shocking my children who wanted / still want to buy into this area.
    I was talking with BF about what to call my house. You know to get one of those house signs drilled into the wall near the front door.
    I was thinking Serendipity and Aram Cara and all sorts then when I was talking to BF about a conversation I'd had with my adult children, saying Mi Casa Du Casa lol which is just a mix of languages and we all laughed.
    BF knows lots of Spanish.

    I said my sign should say "Mi Casa Mi Casa" - loosely translated to "My House My House".
    We've been laughing about that for days now, doesn't take much to humour us nowadays hey?

    I've been learning alot about "Styling" the Interior rooms of my home from YouTube channels and LOVING it.
    My daughter painted me a beautiful picture years ago, ladies almost looking like Mermaids under water, only in black and white though.
    I need to have it framed and I have NO IDEA what kind of frame to get, any tips?

    I'm enjoying a GOOD clean out of the house again! Lol, the stuff that has accumulated here with all these kids, and me ofcourse, oh dear. It's super fun anyway.

    What have you been up to lately?

    Take care,
    EMxxxx

  16. randomx
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    3349 posts
    19 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hiya em.

    Sounds like your cruising along nicely good for you.

    Oh yeah poor things treading alright .

    l'd have to see the pic sorry but if you like op shops they usually have heaps of paintings for a few bucks, but we get our frames from them. All kinds of stuff and if you see one you like or think will suit one of your pictures grab it and rip out what's in it and place in yours. Great way to get frames.

    Same we're not really in contact atm gf speaks 4 languages and she's fantastic with names butttt, oh well.

    Haaaa , you can come style my new place , funny , outside my imagination never ends but the inside l tend to draw blank , or just procrastinate for ever haha.

    Very busy will be rest of the yr bugger , really don't feel like all the bs in life right now butttt, such are the holes we dig ourselves into l suppose eh.

    You to eh.

    rx

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  17. randomx
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    3349 posts
    19 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    ps , l can swear in 4 languages if that's any help haha.

    True story , growing up in Melbourne had mates of many nationalities and they'd teach me the good stuff haha. Some of it could actually sound quite nice to until you know what it means. It's always been handy bc l can swear at someone or something and they dunno what l'm saying , there has been time where they seem to suspect though.

    rx

    rx

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  18. jtjt_4862
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    21 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    It's been awhile. Hoping you're doing well bud. I think getting on with life would be the best, and like you said, only time will tell with whatever lies ahead of us that we cannot foresee. You're getting there, keep it up.

    I haven't been active in BB forums due to being busy with life too; starting to spot defects in my new home, and working with the builder on getting them fixed. Also, never knew picking furniture is such a hard thing to do. Not only do they cost a lot, they also take up a lot of space, and they are heavy... I've been looking at couches/tv cabinets/bed/cabinets for weeks now, and haven't made my mind up for any of the furniture yet hahahaha. Either my indecisiveness is at play here, or interior home decoration truly is a hard task to do.

    It's funny how, many people's first entry into learning new languages, are generally in the form of cussing. I remember learning Korean from my friends as they were teaching me how to cuss in Korean. It was hilarious, and you can tell when someone foreign is talking bad about you too.

    Anyways, hope to hear from you again soon! Take care Rx!

    Jt

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  19. randomx
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    3349 posts
    24 October 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Hi jt thanks for dropping in.

    Yep no choice anyway l suppose so life it'll be for me until further notice. l'm setting my 4x4 up for trips and camping atm so that's one thing l wanna get back into, really looking forward to the escapism right now too. Ha, yet another project l have going but it should be done in a few wks and just in time for some nice weather.

    Are you from OS yourself or ?. l often notice the odd phrase or wording and thought you might've been . But funny school days and all yeah, for me it was mainly only me and my mates mostly bc the rest of the kids didn't hang out with us but your right the swearing does have it's own twang for sure even if in a foreign language .

    So what are you sitting on man btw haha ? l remember one move we needed a couch so badly, rushed out and bought the first best thing we could find, which turned into a total waste of money later on, we hated it. It's tough alright , there's so much stuff out there now, wouldn't know where to begin myself.

    So your place is new hey , nice one. lf l sell here l'm building, def had enough of renovators.

    Thanks anyway jt, you too mate

    rx

  20. randomx
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    3349 posts
    24 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Bloody life.

    This thing with gf has really thrown me and all of that too. l mean we've been talking 2 yrs about our future and the house and new areas and getting the house ready to sell , all of it, together. She says Gods permitting she'll be joining me again wherever we end up the second everything is over . Butttttt, l just don't feel up to doing it alone and we were so looking forward to it all.

    Anyway , on the upside , got some quotes on the house and tbh man , l can't believe it. lt's not in your 1.4 regions em , but it's pretty damn good. So just supposing l did go ahead and it sold ok, given the sort of places and spots we were looking at and as l would myself too even alone , wow. l could set myself up probably wouldn't even have to work if l didn't want to.

    Sadly it'd feel such a hollow victory though now under these new circumstances and suddenly doing it alone now, not to mention even finding the mojo.

    l don't even know if l'd still like taking off in the car but right now that is something at least in the mind l really feel like ha, and maybe not coming back.

    rx

  21. randomx
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    27 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    Among all the mess and everything that's been going on for me , one little ray of light , but it's huge for me.

    l bought a new kayak, so exited, you see , this is why l bought it. l need something , need to feel that , need to be out on the water, throwing it on the car or taking off , need to be away from my head, the house, life and everything going on. Nothing clears it all up like getting back to the water. That's why l need it so bad.

    My canoe is a bit more serious to actually get out there it's a touring canoe so over 16ft long and a bit too much work a lot of the time to just spin off for that quick escape just any old time l want or need too. And it gets in the way a lot if l just leave it on the car to save all that effort. l'll keep it could never part with it but it's better for when there's two of us or else whole day outs or day trips. The new Kayak is only 3.6mtrs long though, it's fast and light and so much quicker and easier to handle on and off the car and down to any water any time anywhere. l pass rivers all the time or we're over the beach and the lakes looking perfect but l didn't put the canoe on. The Kayak's a whole nother animal it can even just go in the back and boom your off.

    But it's so much more , my path to MH, mental relief, and a smile on my face , need that so bad.

    On other notes, my daughter's finally up and mobile again and has her independents back. So happy for her, and ummmm, for me too just quietly haha. She can finally start getting out there again and back into life it's going to help her sooooo much. So happy for her. She hasn't been manic at all in mths now and the quiet time in this last few mths stuck at home with no car has really helped settle her down again and gather her MH , get some routine, make plans and look after herself better , really proud of her.

    rx

  22. randomx
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    3349 posts
    27 October 2021

    Think l'm now being punished just for buying myself a treat trying to snap out of it be positive and feel good just for few minutes.

    Had some bad news this afternoon, for another time.

    rx

  23. CMF
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    27 October 2021 in reply to randomx

    You're allowed to buy yourself a treat.

    Hope all is OK.

    Big hugs

    Cmf x

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  24. CMF
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    1 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey rx,

    How are you?

    Cmf x

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  25. randomx
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    1 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm and thanks for that , appreciated.

    Well , l've had time to absorb things a little , but not good news on gf's front though l'm afraid. She had one of her court cases last wk and it's wasn't good and so it will probably go on for God knows how long now considering that one's taken 21/2 yrs just to get this far.

    The other thing is though ,with the time frames with the court cases , she'll need to stay in Sydney indefinitely , they could drag on another 2-3 yrs yet. And her sons just had a baby and so aside from court anyway, she also now wants to stay close to them too. l can't blame her she was away from her son 13yrs , she just can't leave them now or him again and Vics just too far. lt's understandable as not only the new baby but she lost so much time with her son.

    She wants to know if we could live in Sydney but l don't really wanna leave here to live in Sydney. l couldn't even buy a place in Sydney anyway and wouldn't pay their rents.

    Hands in air.

    rx

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  26. CMF
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    2 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hi rx,

    You've been pondering for so long on what to do. Sounds like the decision has been made for you. Sometimes things run their course naturally and it's just the way it needs to be. Sounds like the Universe has made the decision for you my friend.

    I understand how difficult and sad it is for you, but maybe the time has come to close that chapter.

    Remember, people come and go in our lives for a reason. The reason may not be apparent now, but in time I believe you may learn why things happened the way they have.

    Big gentle hugs

    Cmf x

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  27. randomx
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    2 November 2021 in reply to CMF

    Thanks cm that was really good of you.

    But unfortunately yeah , can't see a way around things now and even if she was down here she has a lot of trouble flying,she'd hate going back and forth like that to see them anyway, no way to live with the trouble she has with it. Add everything else going on for her, maybe it's just not meant to be.

    Time will tell what life has in store l suppose, l don't know. l do believe though things that happen naturally or bc they're out of your control, happen that way for reasons , we see.

    Thanks for the huggems very appreciated.

    rx

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  28. jtjt_4862
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    8 November 2021 in reply to randomx

    Heya Rx,

    Dropping by to say hi again :). How's everything going for ya? It sounds like you're in a much better position than you were before. Keep it up mate!

    I'm certainly from OS, and managed to get some furnitures over the past couple of weeks. No longer sitting on the ground or bench top, and now I have a bar stool to sit on hahaha. Been a fun and time consuming process trying to figure out how to decorate my place, sadly money is a limit, so have to wait for the next pay cheque to get the next set of decos heh heh. How goes your house renos?

    Jt

  29. randomx
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    8 November 2021 in reply to jtjt_4862

    Thx jt.

    lt sounds like it huh , well at least l'm sounding the walk then but hmm, no not really my friend l'm afraid. lt's one thing to real of these things but another to actually feel it , but it's suppose to help if we tell ourselves right.

    Got yourself a bar stool eh, congratulations small steps Rome wasn't built in a day as mum always said.

    Nope no reno's going on of late, still finishing my last job at work for the yr which is taking longer and longer butttt, we'll get there.

    Take care my friend

    rx

  30. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3349 posts
    8 November 2021

    Gf and l wound up talking over the wkend, not getting far are we.

    But it was beautiful to hear and feel her , and her incredible caring heart is still inside. Blows your mind even with everything she's going through she still worries more about me than she does herself.

    Anyway we purposely didn't talk about her situation and kept it light she doesn't need reminding right now especially on a Sunday or it spoiling such a moment . But she did ask if l'd come up and see her straight after Christmas , l think she's got a plan. But no l didn;t ask , she wouldn't want me too right now it'd only complicate things even more for her, l just said of course baby l'd love to come and see you.

    But who knows if that will eventuate lotttttta stuff going on between now and then , we see later on, grain of salt right now. Beautiful thought though nonetheless , not too wise , but beautiful.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful

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