Hi there DairyQueen95 and welcome to our forum!
Does your nom de plume mean you were Miss Dairy Queen in 2095? if so CONGRATS, if not, Oops!
Your post is very descriptive and well written, making it clear how you feel. Thank you for that.
A little more info on exactly what creates the clashes would be helpful - is there a common and recurring theme, who 'starts' the argument, are the differences resolved each time or left to fester?
To me, living with the inlaws should may be regarded as a bit of a privilege. I am not sure why you are living with them (hopefully short term) but if I may say so, it is their house and their routine and so it calls for heaps of compromise on the part of you and your husband. You are guests in a way.
Something a bit similar - I was married to my first wife for 17 years and our relationship nearly didn't get off the ground. Her father was an over protective tyrant. Not interested it talking at all. We would be sitting in the lounge watching TV and hoping for a quiet few minutes later on and he would get up or come in, humming away, turn off the TV and open the drapes without a word! Wow talk about dropping a strong hint! Anyway my girlfriend, like your partner, was extremely rare so I made it my goal to gradually break his indifference down and earn his respect and courtesy. It took nearly two years and was tough going, but it worked and was very worthwhile. We are still friends long after his daughter and I divorced, and I even stay at his house with my new wife of fifteen years and have a great relationship.
I figured that he was defensive of his daughter, questioned my intentions and I was right.
So - onto your situation. What starts the arguments?
What if you were to ask to sit down with them to have a chat. Make it clear that you love their son, respect them immensely, and want to build a long term friendship with them and their son. However you are disappointed with the bickering and want to discuss how they feel, do they have any issues with you, and how you want to try a lot to have a great relationship with them. Make it clear you are also disappointed with yourself and are happy to try and change in line with getting to know them and what they want a little better.
I reckon their reaction to this meeting will be fantastic. They will respect you for the person you really are, and how you feel about them. BUT you must be careful and very calm.
Give it a try - I look forward to hearing back from you!
Regards, The Bro.