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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Lost my job and on the same day found my husband straying 😔

Topic: Lost my job and on the same day found my husband straying 😔

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Raini
    Raini avatar
    1 posts
    3 September 2015

    I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I was told that I no longer had a job so raced home to busy myself with getting my resume sorted. Suddenly realising that I would need a contact number, grabbed my old SIM card but the phone wasn't working so grabbed my husbands old phone and charged it.

    Long story short, was with my 10yrold when it started pinging, what's that? Then stopped and started seeing sex msgs coming up, current right then...

    Tried to stay calm, dropped my daughter off and then freaked out....Text him who is ?? He said old friend why?  I said the sex msgs between you and her are coming up on that other phone of yours?

    I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty like it's my fault for being a bad wife, not keeping him happy.

    We have been married for 12years this month, two children. My heart is breaking in two, I never thought this would happen to me.

    How do I move forward? How do I trust him? He says it's because there is no intimacy.

    Has anyone been through this and come out the other side better?

    So sad, pretending for the kids.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    16457 posts
    4 September 2015 in reply to Raini

    dear Raini, welcome to the forum.

    I can't tell you how absolutely sorry I feel for you, so it about losing your job or is it about what your husband is doing, well both actually, but probably leaning towards what your husband is doing.

    All the stories that can be made up, such as, she is wanting my help, or she must have text the wrong number, and the list goes on.

    My feeling which maybe different to what other people think, is that once trust is broken, there is little chance of any reconciliation.

    Others may say that maybe it can be worked out, OK that's their opinion and they re entitled to it, and hopefully they will reply saying so.

    Firstly that could be your first thought that it's your fault, but it takes two to tango, so you can't be blamed all by yourself.

    He may have his own reasons, which I'm sure he won't tell you precisely, because he will feel embarrassed, but we have to remember that all of us are allowed to talk to someone else of the opposite sex, but when sexual texts are being sent, then he has to face the facts that he has been unfaithful, and really with all of this being done is not being very smart.

    If he says there has not being any intimacy, there has to be a logical reason, like work, keeping up with the housework, and looking after your kids, all of which compounds on how you feel, which is totally understandable, so he should give you some leeway and help you all of these routines.

    If he wanted to see other women then he should have said to you that 'we have a problem' which we should discuss and face the facts, and then an arrangement be made or a decision to be made.

    I'm sorry about your job, but whether or not you feel like finding another one is only to be made on whether you could handle another job. L Geoff. x

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9779 posts
    4 September 2015 in reply to geoff

    Dear Raini, welcome

    I've just some on here to endorse word for word what Geoff has said.

    I share his views on trust. It is devastating what you are going through. Ultimately its your future for you to decide. You are in a position that you don't need to rush to make up your mind.

    Think about it. Put him in the spot light to answer to you exactly what he has been up to and don't, blame yourself. As Geoff said, he could have approached you about any problem he had.

    Take care.  Tony WK

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