Hi everyone :)

I’m new here. My husband and I were dating for year and had no problems. Once we got engaged, my mother inlaw did some very inappropriate things and my husband (in my eyes) is a mummy’s boy who would take her side even if she did the wrong thing. It’s been almost 5 years and not much had changed. He finds it difficult to express himself. He has a lot of anger. He has been trying more but for a year now I've been doubting if this is the right choice for me. We have no children yet. We have been putting it off for years because we’re both unsure. We’ve spoken about divorcing many times.

is the answer to fix the relationship between his mum and me?

he tends to rise his voice, swear and name call when we get into arguments me I've told him so many times I don’t like it and it’s not respectful…

I don’t know if I still haven’t forgiven what he’s done to me and maybe that’s why I've been pulling away from him for the last 5 years of our relationship. I barely speak to his mum, I’m finding it extremely hard to forgive all the things she put me through. Just thinking of having children gives me anxiety because I have a feeling she’ll go behind my back and do whatever she wants even if I lay the rules with the children. She’s gone against my values and beliefs many times. Also it’s not fair for me to avoid going to her house with the ‘possible future children’. She deserves to see them too. Maybe I need big help with forgiving her so I can let go of it all and live happily again….

 

thank you in advance 💕

Dear Emily 1991,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or 1800 RESPECT National Domestic Violence service (available 24/7 on  1800 737 732) our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 
 
 

Hello Emily, can we offer you a warm welcome and under the predicament you're in, the marriage is between you and your husband and not his mother and himself.

He is not entitled to raise his voice, swear and name call you, just because he would have his mother's support, this is not how a marriage should function.

I can't tell you what to do, what pulling away from him over the last 5 years is an indication, and if you stay together and have children, then it's likely she will be telling your children exactly what you have been trying for them not to do and when they return home, it's another struggle you have to contend with.

It all depends on what you want to forgive her about, you raise the children as best as you see fit and the world has changed since his mother was raising him, although the basic rules still apply, but as the kids grow up the grandparents become older, just as I am, the parents have their own rules and what the kids are allowed to do as they begin to mature.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.