He went back to work yesterday.
When I had work, I am normally too busy to feel this sapping, draining flatness that is dragging me down today... and has been since I was made redundant in august.
you see, I feel like I can't speak out to people about how him working away can take its toll. "Oh I am sure the money will help ease your pain", "don't complain, you have got it good"......
But I don't. I am in a town 300 km from close family and friends. I have previously struggled with depression after years of trauma due to parental drug abuse, the death of my step brother, and then the crushing pain of watching my mother slowly die for years... until she finally did 5 years ago. I pulled myself put from under the black dog about 2 years back, and have been reasonably happy since. But feeling this way again is just tearing me apart.
I know I should keep busy and active to stave off the bleakness, but this weighty sadness and lethargy settles on my shoulders week on week off... and I can't do anything besides the mere essentials...
I am fiercely financially independent, and always pay my own way.. and not having an income is wearing me down. I have a job; but no work. I think that is compounding the stress/anxiety/depression weighing on me.
I have been trying to quit smoking, to institute new routines in my home (never had one and don't know where to start!) Of exercise and healthy eating and productive use of my time.... I have tried therapists to help me learn to change and follow through on new goals.
But I think this fifo lifestyle is not helping. Every week when he leaves, I am flat and lethargic and overcome with sadness for a day or so. The constant changes emotionally is making it hard for me to try and be better, do better, live better.
And now we going to try for a family, I am terrified I am going to end up like my mum. Terrified I don't have her around, terrified of doing this alone 6 months of the year. Stressed about money, trying to learn to be a functional adult, trying to learn how to make positive long term lasting life style changes, and every week, I feel like I lose ground.
Any other fifo wives or people who can relate to my story, and who share your experiences and what helped you deal with a fifo husband, and making positive changes for the long term? How did you or are you doing it?
Note: moving not an option, nor is leaving my marriage. I need to work on me to make this work.
OTHER THREADS BY FIFO WORKERS AND FAMILIES
Fifo husband left wondering and confused all the time
Withdrawing and sadness
How to care for myself while caring for depressed husband
Struggle street with partner