Hello Theotheraether, thanks for your thread and sorry it's been overlooked, sometimes this can happen when the forums have been busy, I apologise.
I'm sorry you weren't able to connect with a psychologist, that's something we certainly need to happen, otherwise, treatment won't be the same as you had expected.
What's happened in the past doesn't mean the same will happen again, you need to walk away, you don't have to listen to what's been said or you can try and change the topic, you don't necessarily need to apologise for the past, because what's happening now can be totally different and to go back on previous problems may only destroy the good between you now.
If however, she is adamant you won't change and says she doesn't love you any more may only be her illness saying this, but you can only manage your own anxiety with the help from somebody else and not by a person who keeps on criticising you from the past, that won't help you to move forward.
Relationship counselling is an option and have you thought about this and if you're able to get back to us.