Hi and welcome Mr N;
You're a caring and insightful man/partner indeed. Please know you're trying all the right things as challenging as it is ok.
You've bought up quite a few different issues, although they seem to be linked. Each one is in its own right a problem and ideally requires focus independent of the others. How do you feel about this statement?
Being so close makes it difficult to separate yourself from his issues as it impacts on you, sometimes dramatically as shown in your plea for help. I totally get this ok.
Seeing your partner this way would make you feel like walking on egg shells I dare say. This can become an habitual trail of woe; attending to his needs and neglecting your own. The strain on your relationship such as intimacy would be felt deeply as well.
First bit of advice? You can't fix him. Trying to appease him won't work either; he's mentally ill. Being the best you can be is about the most ideal way to treat this situation N. At the end of the day, your life's still your own even though it may seem at times to be attached at the hip with his.
Losing yourself among his problems will eventually get the better of you, so keeping sight of independent thinking/time/activities will keep you revitalised; it takes so much out of people caring for loved one's with MH disorders. Take care of #1 first ok.
You can take a horse to water, yudda, yudda.. Nothing you do except express your pain, frustration, confusion and fear with him will get thru his armour.
For him to get the professional support he needs including a MHCP, proper med's (with regular reviews) and visits with a psychologist/psychiatrist, he has to acknowledge his own part in the problem. That being pride or whatever he uses to distance himself from moving forward.
Until then, you need to stay strong and present yourself as nurturing sure, but with a firm hand when it comes to his well-being AND yours.
I don't envy your situation N. It's going to be hard slog no doubt. But I can see you have what it takes to get thru it. There IS a light waiting, it just takes time, patience, determination and will; with some gentleness and kindness towards yourself thrown in.
Please read other posts/threads that resonate with you as well as info sheets/links below. You deserve a break man; plan that holiday for you is my advice.
I'm here most days if you want to chat.