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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Gay was married came out and have 2 kids

Topic: Gay was married came out and have 2 kids

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Landon
    Landon avatar
    4 posts
    22 January 2018

    Hi,

    i thought I’d share a little of my story it may help other men that are gay in heterosexual relationships. I recently came out after being married for just under 7 years. I have 2 kids under 6. The last 12 months have been tough but I’m so glad I decided to come out. Without doubt it was the hardest thing I have ever done.

    The thought of hurting the 3 people that I loved most in the entire world haunted me for several years before taking the plunge. However, looking back, I’m so glad I did. Things are working out better than I had ever imagined. Sure, it wasn’t all roses, it was really hard and at many times I felt lost and confused. Yet, when you break it all down into bite sized peices, step by step, it becomes much clearer. Once you seek some professional advice and work up the courage to ask for help and seek answers to the “at the time” frightening questions you want answered, it does become easier. Feel fee to ask me any questions that you have. I may be able to help.

    Regards,

    Landon.

    3 people found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5646 posts
    22 January 2018 in reply to Landon
    Hi Landon, welcome to the forums. This is a topic that comes up regularly on the forums in our Sexuality and Gender Identity section.  We have moved this thread to that section to enable further discussion. You may also wish to browse the other threads in this section to provide support.
    1 person found this helpful
  3. Just Sara
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Just Sara avatar
    3397 posts
    23 January 2018 in reply to Landon

    Hi and welcome Landon;

    Sophie's right, this issue's one I personally respond to at least once a week. Please take a look around the threads in this section, (Sexuality and Gender) as many of those members tend to do their first post on existing threads. It's sometimes hard to find them.

    It'd be absolutely great to have you as a supportive peer Landon. Most of the members who post about men who're married and gay, are men. Argh.. that's a bit stupid eh? (Laughing to myself, ha ha)

    You know what I mean..

    Again, welcome to our caring community! Looking forward to chatting, so please stick around. :-)

    Sez

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Landon
    Landon avatar
    4 posts
    4 February 2018 in reply to Just Sara
    Absoukely! I get you. So I offer some help from both a gay and heterosexual point of view. I’ve heard lots of stories amongst my friends speaking of “a mate” that come out late or after being in heterosexual relationship. This can be a very difficult time for married men, so hopefully I can lend a hand. Cheers, Landon.
    2 people found this helpful
  5. Just Sara
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Just Sara avatar
    3397 posts
    5 February 2018 in reply to Landon

    Wonderful to hear back from you Landon;

    And thankyou for the offer. The more insightful support the better. :-) If you need an ear now and then too, don't hesitate to ask for help.

    Take care..

    Sez

  6. Johnny_11
    Johnny_11 avatar
    28 posts
    28 February 2018 in reply to Landon
    Hi Landon. I’m finding myself in a similar situation. I’m 44 and been with my wife for 20 years. Came out last oct and was expecting and prepared for us to separate. But was shocked that she was very accepting and wants to work things out. There is a lot of love between us and we rarely argue, generally we have a great relationship except for this one little issue, lol. It’s a long story, I just find I have no one to talk to about it except by wife and therapist. J
    3 people found this helpful
  7. Cas Pan
    Cas Pan avatar
    3 posts
    1 March 2018 in reply to Johnny_11

    Hi Landon thanks for being brave enough to post so I will be brave enough to reply back. I am a woman and have known from a young age I was different, probably bisexual but then non-binary identity reallly rings true. I am 37 married to a man and have 2 young children. He knows as he has watched me struggle with my identity via multiple breakdowns. No one else knows except him, you and whoever else reads this. I have no one to talk to either. I saw a psych once last year but didn’t feel comfortable coming out to her so thinking to try find a councillor that is queer friendly. I don’t know if I want to be married anymore, I love my partner as a friend and the father of our children. I am very confused but so relieved to write this.

  8. Cas Pan
    Cas Pan avatar
    3 posts
    1 March 2018 in reply to Johnny_11
    Sorry my post was supposed to be addressed to Jonny_11 😆
  9. Johnny_11
    Johnny_11 avatar
    28 posts
    6 March 2018 in reply to Cas Pan

    HI Cas Pan, sorry I didn't receive a notice that this post was for me.

    I feel for you with not having someone to talk to, I'm the same. I have found an online support group where I have met a couple of guys in a similar situation and email them. The one I'm a member of is for gay men who are married to women, but if you search for MOMs or "Mixed Orientation Marriages" you will find others for women in your situation.

    You should see a therapist, they really help. I have found the ones that your GP refer you to aren't very good. It's best to do some research and get one that specialises or has some experience with sexuality. It's more exy but I think worth it.

    I like being married and keeping the family unit, but I don't know if my wife can continue to deal with my moods and depression, which stems from me suppressing my sexuality. She doesn't want an open marriage, Im not sure if it would be a good solution either, so we are trying to work it out. Our sex life is quite good surprisingly because I'm gay, I don't even think I'm bi, though I do enjoy having sex with my wife but I still want sex with a man. Our couples councillor says he's married and attracted to other women, but he's committed to his wife and doesn't put himself in situations where he may be tempted. But I think its different when one partner has SSA. My individual therapist says that our ego tries to control us, tells us we're straight and should get married etc etc but once we're exposed to the truth, our should recognises the truth and there is no denying it. I guess that is why we suffer.

    I hope this helps.

    1 person found this helpful

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