Hey there E;
Please; take a load off and relax ok. It must've taken a heap of courage to reach out, so well done. Grab a cuppa jo and read with me.
There's nothing like a good dose of sexual identity crisis to cure anxiety and depression - NOT! (Facetious bitch I am) lol I know exactly what you're getting at.
I began fantasising about women in my early/mid teens although I considered myself straight. I was berated by my best friend (at 19) for touching and caressing her on a sleepover, then only 'acted' on it again in my 30's. A straight woman who I loved, but she and her friend tried to force me into a 3-some. Whew... Broke my heart...
I'm late 50's now and had another shot at loving women thru online dating a yr ago, but was sexually assaulted. Ended up in a psych ward for 10 days. Don't get me wrong, I really needed that break. The assault ended my same sex relationship desires though.
You're perfectly normal ok. Sexuality's fluid and runs along a spectrum. Labels don't matter unless you're involved with situations that require 'naming' what you're trying to express. Otherwise, it's a very personal journey; no-one else's business.
Are you interested in having sex (fun-buddy) or an intimate relationship? Either way, finding a partner who's patient, trustworthy, knows your situation and respects you and your needs would be best.
Your date sounds challenging. I don't go for aggressive either. My love of women begins in my heart unfortunately. I'm a big emotional sook. Maybe that's why I approached women I already knew.
Like you, I had to explore internal stirrings re appropriate, normal, wrong/right, the why's and the dreaded fear and shame bugs.
On a more specific level, being the initiator for me is preferable. I've put this down to control issues from trauma. Actually, I can do this with men too, but safety's always been at the fore. Who would've thought a woman would do that?
Anyway, I've focused on myself to give you confidence you're not the only one so don't feel isolated ok.
Get back to me and we can chat about what's the most difficult issue for you. You never know, it may rekindle my little flame. :-)
Lovely to meet you E;