Thank you both white knight and Midnight Oil for your responses.
We had a long talk about it - and it was really heartbreaking. I let him know how much it hurt and he was pretty affected by it as well. I really don't want to leave - but we agreed to see what will happen for the next week - where if I wasn't recovering or feeling any better - than moving out might be the way to go.
He told me that it wasn't worth hurting over - and the brutal reality that we would never be anything other than close friends and that he couldn't bear to see me so unhappy and that he cared about me.
Tomorrow is the real test - where he is inviting someone over for dinner. I told him that it wouldn't be a problem and that he shouldn't hesitate because I really need to face the reality of the situation. In all honesty, my anxiety is flaring up - because parts of me thinks I'll just break down in my room. But I feel so guilty that it feels like I'm just an obstruction.
He's very adamant that I'm not an obstruction - but only that he's really concerned and worried that someone close to him his hurting so much.
Funnily enough - the advice that both of you have given me are things he talked about yesterday. One thing that hurt is that he told me that I didn't truly love him and that it was just infatuation. When that is so far from the truth. Despite these romantic feelings - I genuinely care for him and it breaks my heart for him to say that.
He took a lot of time to reassure me that whatever happens - he'll be supportive along the way. He'd help me move or try to make staying easier and would be more accommodating. He hasset some boundaries since he's realised that he definitely does come across a lot more affectionate than normal (which I'll admit, actually hurts because I enjoy those moments, but it's necessary).
He also took a lot of time to emphasise that we both already have an amazing, close connection and that's never going away. That no matter where we go from here, we'd be friends for life and we will always be there for each other.
Right now - I'm taking slow steps to expand my social circle and reconnecting with friends who I haven't spoken to for awhile because I was going through so much change. But lockdown has made it difficult.
Did you both or others have any ideas? I've found it hard - particularly LGBTQI+ wise...