dear CG, thanks for joining us.
Everybody has their way of thinking, their own attitudes and certainly their own sexual desires, so first of all it doesn't who you prefer, male or female, but being married for 20 years must have been difficult for you, especially when your husband ( then ) wanted to be close with you.
Your children are no different than when a married couple divorce and then remarry, and the other person also has children, rarely do they ever get on, and perhaps the same goes on with the other person, whether it's male, female or the same sexual partner, and this could even happen with your ex-husband if he decides to marry again.
My ex wife is living with a chap who is much older than her, my children don't like him or his kids, nor do I but of course I have no say in the matter, whereas I live alone and have no partner.
I agree ' there doesn't seem to any reason you cannot meet u with your children at a cafe to keep your love alive', where they may have some gripes, that's normal, as my kids do exactly the same with their mum, but this wears off after time, and as the saying goes 'you can't flog a dead horse', figuratively speaking.
Your kids don't have to see any of them, just you, your their mum and always will be, and if you like you can still see your ex-husband if this is what you want, but if however it's going to cause headache for you, then it's best not to.
If you need counselling then please do so by firstly seeing your doctor. L Geoff. x