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Forums / Staying well / Changing your nature

Topic: Changing your nature

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    8635 posts
    10 October 2020

    I've met many people in my life that have such low self esteem that they are very unhappy with themselves. These people usually attend professional medical staff for long periods and seem to search for what is not locatable- peace and confidence. Often the core of their issue is they dont like themselves.

    In one of my threads "the frog and the scorpion" the frog ends up trusting the scorpion after many pleas of reassurance. The frog carries the scorpion on his back to the other side of the river where, before they reach their destination the scorpion stings the frog and both die. Just beforehand the frog yells out "but I trusted you, why did you stings me"? to which the scorpion replies "because its in my nature".

    That story was made famous in the mini series "The Bangkok Hilton" starring Nicole Kidman. And so the theme is- that a scorpion will always be a scorpion, a frog will always be a frog and you will always be you. There is a certain amount of change you can implement to improve yourself in life like career change, not making the same mistake twice especially - relationships. We can save money and improve our environment and we can introduce more empathy. All these changes are significant without being radical because our nature cannot be changed to a radical amount.

    If you carry out changes like the above and want more then I suggest you look towards accepting yourself more rather than more and more change. Make a list- left side what you dont like about yourself that you'd like to change and the right side what you plan to do to make such changes. If something arises that you cannot change like your height (short or high stature) or weight (over or under weight) then make another list. On top write in bold letter (eg over weight) I WILL NEVER BE SLIM BUT I CAN LOSE SOME WEIGHT- NO EXPECTATIONS JUST A DESIRE.

    Then plan your journey to lose some weight. Short, medium and long plan goals that are realistic and achievable.

    It saddens me to watch my teenage relatives in amazement at adoring models and movie stars with the perfect look and figure. Those gifted people have the genes for such body shapes that average people will never have. Its a battle for an uncle to sway them away from them yarning for that figure or fame.

    Our nature is basically fixed. We can waste so much time, precious time, trying to change what we cannot change. Rather, learn to embrace yourself because there is only one of you and it is truly wonderful.

    TonyWK

    4 people found this helpful
  2. ecomama
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    ecomama avatar
    3557 posts
    10 October 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thankyou TonyWK, another very thought provoking thread! So deep!

    I expect nothing less from you our friend lol.

    I like your multiple lessons above. I agree we can't change our nature but I would say probably not at all.

    My contribution and understandings towards "accepting ourselves" with the result being that we like and love ourselves IS to learn how to discard what other ppl have cruelly said to us and we took this on.
    These are like bricks, burdening us and some to our very soul.

    A wise man once said to me "When people are pointing their finger at you, do it, look at your hand..... see ONE finger pointing at you and THREE pointing right back at them". Meaning they have to look at THEMSELVES THREE times more than at you. This is in reference to criticism and cruel, destructive words. Also looking within.

    A cousin taught me a LONG time ago to think "Your opinion of me is none of my business" when others are belittling you in abusive ways. And other pearlers.

    One of my favourites is "You don't have the credibility to judge me". Hardly ANYONE really knows who we are.

    Deflecting other's comments, unless they are constructive and delivered with kindness, is an essential action to learn. Like water off a duck's back lol!

    Taking those bricks OFF that we've carried is another.

    When these weights are gone and are no longer wielding power over our thoughts... we are free to discover the essence of our true selves.

    Doing this work is so truly valuable.

    Whomever you are, YOU are awesome.

    Love your work TonyWK.

    EM

    3 people found this helpful
  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    8635 posts
    11 October 2020 in reply to ecomama
    Hi Ecomama

    I love those quotes.

    TonyWK
  4. Lillylane
    Lillylane avatar
    157 posts
    22 December 2020 in reply to white knight

    Thank you for this thread!

    I’ve often heard “don’t be too hard on yourself” (good advice, but I’ve never known how to gauge what is ‘too hard’ and what isn’t.)

    I think I’m going to takes notes and stick it on my fridge.

    Thank you TonyWK and Ecomama for exploring this in depth. These thoughts you’ve shared are so valuable.

    best wishes,
    Lillylane.

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