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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. Guest9337
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    1001 posts
    27 August 2021 in reply to blondguy
    cool man, u party hard, work easy and rest well.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Doolhof
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    27 August 2021 in reply to topsy_

    Hi Topsy,

    How are you going?

    I didn't achieve much yesterday, I am telling myself that is okay. No point in being frustrated because my get up and go had got up and gone!

    I'm working the next 3 days so guess that will keep me busy.

    Off for a walk before work, that is one way of looking after myself and liking myself more because I have achieved a walk and some self care.

    Cheers all from Dools

    1 person found this helpful
  3. topsy_
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    27 August 2021 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Dools

    I haven’t been doing very much either. I know all the things I could be doing but it seems impossible some days.

    Today I wrote a list of four things To Do but I didn’t do any of them. Instead I baked a cake & then cooked fried rice for tea. Now I’m pooped, but I feel good about having done some small things.

    I hope work will be ok for you. Fingers crossed!

    Take care, T.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. quirkywords
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    28 August 2021 in reply to topsy_

    I find when people try to get me to do something which I am indecisive about, I can get stubborn and refuse to do something.
    I feel in these situations I am not strong and I don’t like thst part of me.

    I like it that I care about people who upset me.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
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    28 August 2021 in reply to topsy_
    Hi topsy, I wrote a bunch of emails that I had left over from the week. Some thank you ones, and others. Not quite as exciting as making a cake as you did! Sometimes doing enough is good enough.
    1 person found this helpful
  6. CMF
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    29 August 2021 in reply to smallwolf

    After having the disagreement with my daughter and her coming home from her Dad's I'm feeling better. We had a small celebration for her 18th bday Friday night. I decorated a cake for her, which she didn't know about. I'm trying to have more patience, keep things calm as she has enough stress with lockdown, yr 12 and vaccine talk. I'm liking myself a bit more and making an effort to keep things calm for her.

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Guest9337
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    29 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    G'day CMF, that sounds like a nice thing to do, decorating a cake - why does she not know about it? I presume she will some time soon.

    If your daughter does a year 12 mathematics/sciences subjects, or indeed does maths/science at uni, then I gently suggest she has a look over the wolframalpha website, it is a highly valuable free factual search engine that does perfectly worked solutions fairly easily for maths, sciences and many factual, measurable and defined things/fields.

    Quite easy to use actually I found. On phones, devices and pc. good luck have fun I pass on! love dng.

  8. CMF
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    30 August 2021 in reply to Guest9337

    Hi dng,

    She didn't know I had decorated a cake as I usually buy one already done. It was fun to be creative. She was out for a walk so when she hot home and opened the fridge she was surprised.

    Thanks for the website reference, we'll have a look. She has a maths subject but her focus is music and art. She's amazing, so talented.

    Take care

    Cmf x

    1 person found this helpful
  9. white knight
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    30 August 2021 in reply to CMF

    hi Sleepy,

    I read your post here about being triggered. An example you have about seeing your ex in the supermarket. Then asking yourself "what did I do wrong".

    From a lifetime of being triggered and with them still persisting I can say they never stop. Like many annoying things good management is the way to success of better living and liking ourselves more by acceptance.

    The key to good management is training your mind to realise immediately that the trigger has occurred then not allow it to take hold. For me this process takes about 2 minutes nowadays and that learning has taken some years.

    Like many topics to do with my adverse over reactions my wife knows this about me and when triggered she works with me to talk slowly and ask me if the topic triggered me. Often I then realise before the 2 minutes is up and I often apologize and all is good.

    These processes results in a far better quality of life. It allows you to live better while not living in a way of keep getting annoyed at things like triggers that you have no control over.

    I hope that helps. Here is a thread I wrote on the topic.

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/triggers-that-down-you-triggers-that-lift-you

    TonyWK

    3 people found this helpful
  10. blondguy
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    31 August 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Everyone! New posters are always welcome too!

    This thread was written a while ago about liking ourselves.....which can be a huge ask when we have a tired mind or any level of anxiety/depression

    If you want to help us help others please post!

    Just for myself I have my music and garden that I lose myself in....and my second dose of Astra Zeneca just a few hours ago....phew! Glad thats out the way......feel better now (less anxiety)

    Have a great week everyone

    Paul

    4 people found this helpful
  11. CMF
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    1 September 2021 in reply to blondguy

    You've amazing Paul,

    You've been here as long as I have and are ALWAYS ready to offer support and encourage others to post. You're kind, gentle, encouraging, thoughtful.

    We like you alot!

    Cmf x

    4 people found this helpful
  12. white knight
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    1 September 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hi blondeguy

    Yes CMF, Paul is doing a great job on this long running thread.

    It has been hard to keep the topic of "do you like yourself" on topic. So members please help. If you want to chat about other topics the bb cafe is available.

    Great job Paul

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  13. Ggrand
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    1 September 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hello Paul, Tony and everyone..

    Its so good to see you have your garden and music to “loose yourself into to”...I think we all need something tobe able to get our heads out of the world...

    I came on her BB in 2017 a really broken person suicidal who hated herself that much that I didn’t care about life or living...These forums have changed me from hating myself...You see, the kindness and care that members gave me, was the first time in my life that I received it and I found it was genuine..

    I received direction, coping tools, care and eventually friends...slowly my hate turned to acceptance of myself because everyone here accepted me....Then I pushed myself out of my “safe zone” and volunteered here....

    Now that acceptance of me has turned to liking me...I like the way that I can help some members here and make them feel also accepted and care for...The old saying “you must like yourself before you can like others”...and “others will start liking you when you like yourself” to me speaks for itself....

    Start trying to accept yourselves first..flaws and all... I think at one time or another everyone goes through self dislike at one time or another...but over time learnt to accept their mistakes, forgiven themselves and starting caring for themselves and grew enough inside of them to start liking themselves.....

    What self care can you give yourself..a long relaxing bath/shower with some nice scented soap, sitting outside, a yummy coffee/tea with one of your favourite biscuits, buy yourselves some flowers...it really isn’t hard to care for yourself...and I feel it’s the first step to accepting and liking yourself...

    So yes I do like..lots of different parts of me...My heart and my soul the kind parts I had kept to myself...That hate I had for myself hid that part of me away because of my regret and guilt...in my past life...I cannot change my mistakes from that part of my life but...acceptance of those things and learning from them...is the key to moving forward...Please start by giving yourselves some much deserved self care..

    My kindest thoughts to all the lovely Beyond Blue Community...readers and posters...your all awesome people..

    Grandy...

    4 people found this helpful
  14. topsy_
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    1 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy,

    You always say the most encouraging things in such a warm & gentle manner. There is a real lesson for me in that second last paragraph.

    A lot of the time I can be enjoying a “truce” with myself. I’m not sure I ever get to liking myself. But the tide can turn so suddenly & unexpectedly & then I’m at war with myself. It’s vicious, wounding & brutal. I’m often stunned by its intensity.

    I grew up battered by every form of abuse from my parents. Now when they are not around I fill in for them. Stupid huh?! Sometimes I despair of ever emerging from this war. I feel like I am not actively living. Instead I sit & sit & play repetitive games to numb the feelings & the memories I have.

    Intellectually I know the solutions or steps I should/could take. But knowing & doing are light years apart. I look back across my life & it's just been a waste. Luckily I’m old enough not to have that many years left.

    T.

    4 people found this helpful
  15. Sleepy21
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    1 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    HI Grandy

    thank you, your post was so beautiful

    i understand and resonate and take a lot from ur posts.

    somehow our past and our experiences feels like "us" - doesn't it sometmes?

    whenever i think of liking myself, i somehow think my history means i am unikeable. things that aren't me at all, but that i connect to myself, or ppl that hurt me, and mean things they said and did to me, seem to define me.

    thank u for posting....

    i am practising mindfulness sometimes, to see how the thoughts have formed.... the mean thoughts of others against me became my own thoughts. i adopted the abuse and used it myself to put myself down.

    sending love to everyone on this thread. ur all beautiful nd valuable.

    3 people found this helpful
  16. white knight
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    1 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Hi Grandy

    We like you too!

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  17. randomx
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    2767 posts
    1 September 2021

    Yeah that is nice to hear Paul , especially atm , glad there are some things that can take you away we all need some of that.

    As much as l normally love my music my minds just been too busy and stressed last 12mths , shame really , l do miss it but l just don't feel like the noise atm. Movies have always been another one but l don't even feel like those lately. With our weather finally improving a bit l do often go round the yards for a poke about in the morning sun before work lately though, along with a coffee out in the sun too. Has to be one of my favorites.

    rx

  18. quirkywords
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    1 September 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy , I have followed you from your first posts and over the years have seen you gain confidence and hel others,

    I have learnt a lot from you.

    I like your honesty and insights,

    I have always liked this thread as a go to thread. I use it to check how I am going. When I like myself I am positive and can help others.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. blondguy
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    2 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi Everyone! New Posters too!!

    Thankyou CMF for your super kind post! You just made my day and then some x

    Hey TonyWK.... thankyou so much for your support where staying on topic is concerned. It was wonderful to read your thoughts about this thread...greatly appreciated

    So many gentle people in the forums...It's a very supportive place

    my kindest

    Paul

    5 people found this helpful
  20. quirkywords
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    2 September 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Paul your skill at making every contributor to your threads feel important is one I hope to copy.

    You manage to sumarise people’s poses so clearly and it is very helpful.

    5 people found this helpful
  21. blondguy
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    2 September 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hey Quirky....new posters are always welcome to post too!

    you have been a huge support on this thread and providing your life experience on many other threads too

    It is difficult to 'like ourselves' during a global pandemic yet if this thread provides HOPE then it has achieved its objective

    Nice1 Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  22. ecomama
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    4 September 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello dear forum friends, new and "old" lol

    I'm so humbled to read how deeply everyone's given thought to if they like themselves in this moment or not.

    It actually hurts me inside to read when others put themselves down and call themselves names. I don't want anyone to worry about my reaction (lol) or add more to their "pile", just to know that as a friend, I wouldn't call you those names.

    I don't see those things in the people here.
    The kindness and understanding. The care and support offered is second to none.
    I SEE how valuable each of you are!
    I wish you could see this in yourself!

    The beautiful qualities each of you have SHINE so brightly!

    Yes I like myself.
    I can love and can forgive.
    I'm so grateful and am grateful I can experience gratitude!
    It's a FREEING experience to have gratitude.

    Sometimes the only reason we CAN think one way is that the other way doesn't help us or support us in our healing journeys. If it doesn't work for us, we are allowed to discard.

    Loving ourselves DOES work.
    Grandy pointed to self-care and it's so true!
    These little things we do for ourselves can make us smile or laugh or simply enjoy life in that moment.

    The "true you" is bursting to come out in your real life and to shine so brightly. No need to cover it up in other ppls bs.

    Love to you all in your healing journeys - we're all on it!
    EMxxxx

    3 people found this helpful
  23. CMF
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    4 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Do I hate myself or just hate life at the moment.

    Can't please anyone, starting to dislike humans and people in my life. Selfish, insensitive, uncaring.

    Just don't care anymore.

    1 person found this helpful
  24. smallwolf
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    4 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF.

    It depends on what you hate the other person for. And rather than HATE, perhaps INTENSE DISLIKE or ANGER. Or is it their actions or behaviour you are HATING?

    I think though that hating life long enough could make you hate yourself.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. randomx
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    4 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Know what you mean in one sense.'

    With me l actually don't mind myself it's not that , l'm proud of being weird and odd and different and l like it in the few people l even meet that are different too , l've always loved different in anything not only people. l don't fit normal nor want to fit normal , never have, whatever normal is.

    But nah , l think l tried to talk about it here somewhere way back but lt's about life for me and for me that reflects back to me and so in that way , if life isn't where l want it , and it rarely is , then l sort of take the blame l suppose you could say.

    Unfortunately it hasn't been where l want it for quite awhile now , and so l suppose l haven't been either. Mind you , it has been offered to me on platter , so of course l only have myself to blame.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  26. blondguy
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    18 September 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi everyone....new and current members are always welcome to post their thoughts!

    Hey EM..thankyou for your helpful post...I have attached part of it below...Nice1

    EM mentioned 'Loving ourselves DOES work. Grandy pointed to self-care and it's so true!
    These little things we do for ourselves can make us smile or laugh or simply enjoy life in that moment
    .

    Hey CMF.....I am sorry that you felt so bad when you posted on the 4th. I hope you are doing better. Please dont hate yourself as the 'H' word takes so much of our energy..even to write it. You are and always have been a kind person. This is a difficult and trying period we are going through...I understand where you are coming from x

    Hey Tim....always great to have your input here and across the forums. Thankyou for the support you provided to CMF. Just for myself I avoid using the 'H' word as it can do more harm than good

    Have a good weekend everyone :-)

    my kind thoughts

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  27. white knight
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    18 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF

    You're a veteran here, as admired and appreciated as the best contributors. We were about you. Caring for yourself is more a priority.

    When I went through a cycle of despising myself I chose to reset my life. I didn't shut down but i did step back, reassess my life in every way and after a couple of weeks I was ready to get back to normal with several changes that made all the difference.

    • I used tokens as a guide to who cared about me and who didn't. If someone even simply asked how I was traveling that would be enough care for me.
    • Distance myself from those without any hint of care in their bones
    • Seek out more empathetic personalities.
    • Speak to that person in the mirror "I am lovable, I am a good person..."
    • "Don't think...do!" Famous words from an AFL coach.
    • Enjoy the new journey of the above. In the right frame of mind it can be exciting

    TonyWK

    2 people found this helpful
  28. quirkywords
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    18 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    CMF

    I hope you are feeling better than when you posted last. It is good you can be honest here and explain how you feel.

    2 people found this helpful
  29. ecomama
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    18 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hey CMF, you're not alone in that thinking!

    It occurs to me quite often in fact. There ARE so many uncaring and insensitive people around, it's horrible!

    I will sound so blunt when I say what I do in these cases, identify WHO those ppl are and go No Contact or as low contact as I can if it's extended family or ppl at work.

    I call it the 3%er Rule - with this and other things.
    Meaning around 97% of ppl I meet will probably NOT be people I would choose to have in my life.

    That's ok. Horses for courses.

    Like so many others here on the forums, I also hope you're feeling much better.

    You are SO WORTHY of having wonderful caring people in your life!
    People just like YOU.

    Hugs.

    To respect the topic, sure I like myself! I'm freaking awesome hahaha. Only joking folks.

    Perhaps it's because I really don't care about other people's judgments of me (my own standards of myself are high enough lol!).

    Most ppl are nasty and unhappy with their lives when they have to spout criticism ie toxic or abusive ppl, so I don't care to hear it.
    In fact they don't have the credibility to make judgment calls.... "walk a mile in my shoes.." an' all.

    I listen to feedback from my supervisors at work though. All good there.

    Remember when someone is pointing their finger at YOU, they've got 3 fingers pointing back at themselves.
    Ppl like this could take their own advice 3 x more. 😉

    Love EMxxxx

    4 people found this helpful
  30. randomx
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    2767 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to CMF

    Hiya cm and sorry l forgot in the end to reply in my last post.

    But people here are right and you've steadfast supported so many around here for so long, no two ways about it and l know it's been hugely appreciated, myself included. And l know it would be around you and in life , at home, and work too , even if it's not exactly showing at times.

    l hope your feeling better.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful

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