Hi sparrow (again),
I am not familiar with your entire story, but I have been seeing a psychologist for 2 years now. In this time I have learnt a fair it about myself. Once with my psychiatrist (yeah, one of those also) I said I am a people pleaser and we chatted about the positives and negatives of that. Someone else in my family is self-centered and there are positives and negatives there also. More recently, as I was with my psychologist, we were talking about how I hated arguments, for a similar reason of not wanting the other to dislike me. There were other things around this topic that are irrelevant here, but I was issued with a challenge at the end of a session. The challenge was to the "rock the boat'. That is, if there was something I wanted to say, then I should say it. If nothing else, it would give the other person another perspective on a situation or topic - something they might not have thought about. One could almost say this is about honest as well, allowing yourself to be honest, not just maintaining equilibrium. There are other tip and tricks like setting boundaries for yourself, having the difficult conversations. These things all take time - take practice.