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Forums / Staying well / Night Owls (for those awake late and can't sleep)

Topic: Night Owls (for those awake late and can't sleep)

  1. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Trigger Warning- Domestic Violence

    Hi Ecomama,

    Thank you for your kind words and the amazing hug, I really needed it after the awful day I had. I know I was going to be taking a break from the forums but I could really do with some advice from anyone who may be able to help me.

    I'm trying so hard to get help but I keep getting knock backs every place I contact. I have to email or web chat with them as I don't have a phone to use. I'm just so tired of getting told there is nothing they can do for me.

    I'm still trying to get Centrelink to help me to get a payment or at the very least a concession card but they say there is nothing they can do for me as I'm married and it doesn't matter if there is domestic violence involved. As long as I live under the same roof as his I need his permission to get Centrelink payments as I need his wage figures to process any payments.

    I then said what if I left him and I was homeless on the street and their reply to that was that they couldn't help me unless I was living in a house with an address.

    That doesn't sound right to me but what can I do?? I asked them again if they have a social worker I could speak to or a person who specialises in domestic violence situations and he said that no one like that exists.

    I'm not sure what else I can do as there are no beds in any women's refuges around where I live, the closest vacancy is over three hours away and I have no way of getting there with no money.

    I even contacted a free legal service for some advice but as they are so busy they said that unless I have children who are being harmed by my husband there is nothing they can do for me until about January of next year.

    I am trying so hard to get help but when you get knock backs like these I question why I bother trying to leave, maybe I should just stay with him?? I'm so confused right now!! 

    Regards,

    Emo.

    1 person found this helpful
  2. goldilocks
    goldilocks avatar
    43 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Croix

    Hi Everyone,

    A coping strategy I have in order to sleep is to watch or listen to Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) videos on YouTube.

    1 person found this helpful
  3. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
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    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    12341 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to goldilocks

    Goldilocks

    thanks for your tip. I have no idea what ASMR is but I will look it up.

    Has anyone else used this..?

    1 person found this helpful
  4. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Anxiety or bad thoughts nights or wks sometimes mths, l just accept and ride out the fazes and they pass in time. gf just said this morning actually she was awake all night with anxiety .

    Def the yum tomatoes em.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  5. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Sleepy, darling girl

    Yes it makes total sense that anxiety is causing insomnia.

    That's all part of PTSD / C-PTSD symptoms. Incl all the other yuck stuff.

    Absolutely agree all those "gentle" sleep things, that may work for others, mayn't work for someone in the throes of PTSD.
    PTSD being extreme anxiety = remediation is deeper too.

    Tbh at the root of "cures" I believe is feeling safe.
    Reminding yourself that you are SAFE is key.

    I know that we need replacement thoughts and behaviours.
    Our habits of thinking and doing need to be interrupted.
    Ppl can say "don't think this and don't do that" till the cows come home...

    Replacing these thoughts and consequent behaviours is another key.

    Breaking the Habits of being in PTSD mode is possible.
    I know you can do it.

    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  6. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to Emo

    Dear Emo

    *** Trigger Warning - DV ***

    Is there a Police Social Worker you can contact?
    I had one of these...
    AND a Centrelink Social Worker...

    Yes I had children AND an address...

    From what I understand about the legal processes here at least ... is that MORE things happen for you once you report to Police, go ahead with pressing charges and go thru all the Court processes also.

    I find what the C/link person said about "having an address" quite disturbing.
    (You can call the Centrelink Feedback and Complaints line to find out your rights - I had to do this regarding breaches of accounts that were set up in my name but I didn't open any accounts).

    There are a few other channels that could help...
    ~ The Red Heart Foundation via FB.
    ~ the Sexual Assault Hotline.
    ~ 1800RESPECT.

    Ask the Hotlines directly where you can get help from.
    HOW you can get money to get a rental? (I thought C/link usually helps with this).

    Other than that possibly visiting a Church Food Pantry and directly asking them for help, has helped ppl here.

    What I was prepping to do was flee with a tent for the kids and I.

    Please ask the SA Hotline but IF you call the Police and press charges should another event occur, H may be jailed etc... IDK...

    Biggest hugs.
    Hope you can get out and stay safe.
    Love EM

    2 people found this helpful
  7. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    9 April 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Yeah l can and do all the time but l know myself too and when it will work and when it won't so l don't waste energy l know l'm gonna need if l know it's not gonna work on the night. Like last night for example l had to stray my thoughts 30 or 40 times but l knew they'd distract easily that night and l slept well in the end.

    The feeling safe is very much from your past too em hey, but yeah there's all kinds of safe isn't there . Those financial nights often kept me awake for mths on end during certain periods , or the what of my future nights . My dad was a real thinker actually he was rated in the genius spectrum pretty smart guy whom are usually 24 7hinkers ,so it was nothing for him to not sleep for mths on end. Funny if you asked his advice he'd always have and answer for you in the morning .

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  8. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    4561 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to randomx

    Hey rx

    Yes, I agree 100% for sure. The "safe feelings" can be threatened from many angles... but deeper than that... knowing you are SAFE to sleep tonight helps.

    Anxiety is a huge "umbrella" with C-PTSD being an extreme form.
    I know Sleepy and I have been diagnosed with such... being recent and FOO traumas.

    For me it was like being shut in a dome with no windows and no doors for escape... and full on surround sound and real visuals of past trauma events occurred as if they were happening in that moment on repeat.

    At one stage it got so bad that I got vertigo with vomiting etc... from NOT avoiding the attacks my mind was visualising.
    Like not stepping out of the way, but I knew it was in my mind only so refused to step out of the way of "memories".
    That led to an "imbalance" which led to vertigo.
    This went on for months and I couldn't drive from the vertigo.

    Not much is mentioned about C-PTSD, that it CAN be "cured" ie to live a happy and fulfilling "normal" life whatever THAT is lol.
    I mean work and have relationships with friends and or family.

    I can go to sleep with a problem on my mind and wake up with a solution.

    But during the Courts time at the end of years of it, when everything seemed to be threatened, I had panic attacks in my 40mins sleep. The sweat saturated the bed sheets and I had to strip the bed and use a sleeping bag to sleep in.
    THAT was anxiety, the PTSD came LATER hence it's called POST Traumatic Disorder.
    Usually develops after the trauma(s).

    I fell asleep so early last night, so I'm awake with an aha moment about one "issue" at 3am hahaha.
    Already drafted the text... just can't SEND it at 3am lol!

    I worked hard yesterday, it's wonderful having the time to do this.

    My Chiro asked me what I've been dong bec my back muscles and "traps" are noticeably THERE... I said over 100 buckets of soil and a BRUSH TURKEY I'm shipping to randomx. LOL!

    I FINALLY outsmarted the brush turkey! (Better not talk too soon!)

    Love EM

  9. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5852 posts
    10 April 2021
    Had a really tiring night woke up in the middle of it and couldn't get back to sleep from the pain I'm in.Its more annoying pain then major pain but it is constant.I managed to doze off for a little bit and my son at 6am comes in wanting his breakfast so I got that and put the washing on.
  10. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2755 posts
    10 April 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Oh yeah for sure , when we know it and can finally truly feel it ,peace, it's a beautiful thing .

    lThat soils gonna be great btw , thanks for that and to mr and mrs turkey too. But eh it's funny, l've never seen or been around a rush turkey , they sound like real characters. Hmmm she thinks , bloody characters alright pains in the arse.

    rx

  11. Guest_4593
    Guest_4593 avatar
    186 posts
    11 April 2021
    Anyone up
  12. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    11 April 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Trigger Warning: Domestic Violence

    Hi Ecomama,

    I'm glad to hear that it sounds like your roofing issues are on the way to being sorted. Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mum. No wonder they want to hang out with you. I wish I had someone like yourself in my life to guide me.

    Thank you Ecomama for your kind words and advice. I've been trying so hard to get some help for myself today but I've just ended up in more trouble.

    I was going to webchat with 1800Respect but I have contacted them twice over the last two days so I don't want to annoy them too much. I might leave it for a day or two.

    I'm sorry for waffling on but it's really helped to get it off my chest. Its been a bad day but at least I've had my faith in people restored by the kind people here. Thank you.

    Regards,

    Emo.

  13. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5913 posts
    11 April 2021 in reply to Emo
    Hi Emo,

    Thanks for reaching out. It's good to hear that you've been speaking with 1800RESPECT. It is important to get in contact with 1800RESPECT and Safe Steps as often as you need to, and common for people in your situation to need to contact them frequently -
    • 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/
    • Safe Steps on 1800 015 188 or https://www.safesteps.org.au/about-us/contact-us/
    • If you have been threatened or you are fearful for yourself – call 000 (triple zero).

    We're glad to hear that you have been finding some comfort in the community here.
     
    2 people found this helpful
  14. eight
    eight avatar
    372 posts
    12 April 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    i keep staying up so so late now even if it traps me in the cycle of "i wake up late, all day i am very tired and do little, i stay up late for no reason". i cant tell if its restlessness, some more instability about my medication especially since they've been shuffled about this week or the temperature. its far too cold. i dont think ill be able to survive the winter at this rate. how am i meant to leave my warm bed that i never get any solid sleep in

     

  15. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    12 April 2021 in reply to Sophie_M

    Hi Sophie M,

    Thank you for your kind words and concern. I was so proud of myself as you will see on another post that I went back to the police station and lodged a complaint after my horrible encounter with the last police officer.

    The result is that now the police will look into how they can help me. 

    I'm hoping to get to a church tomorrow to see if there is anything that they can help me with. I really wish that I could get help with getting a phone, as a lack of communication puts me in greater danger.

    Thank you Sophie for saying that it is OK for me to webchat with 1800Respect multiple times when I'm in danger. I struggle very badly with feeling like I'm dirt and I'm not worth anyone worrying about me.

    I think it comes from years of abuse from my husband, mostly the verbal abuse that has broken me down to feel like I would be doing the best thing for everyone if I just stopped existing.

    It's incredibly hard to fight these thoughts but I keep trying. I wish I knew who could help me with seeing that I do matter. I'm really trying.

    Regards,

    Emo.

  16. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    14 April 2021

    Hello everyone,

    I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, maybe it is a vent. What can I do??? I can't shut my eyes to sleep for fear of not waking up. I'm so tired and emotionally exhausted.

    Why can't I find a break from my constant torture. I'm not sure what I've got left in my life. I keep hoping there is something to keep going for but I can't find it.

    I know others have it worse than me but I'm just going through such a very low period right now. I need help but who can I trust??

    I try to help myself but its not working. I need to get access to a phone I can use so that I can talk with other support agencies. I feel like I'm cut off from any help. I'll keep trying but when can I just stop trying and give up??

    Regards,

    Emo.

  17. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5913 posts
    14 April 2021 in reply to Emo
    Hi Emo, 

    We are so sorry that you are feeling this way, we have reached out privately to offer support as well. It is a wonderful step to reach out for support here in the forums community, well done for being brave enough to share. 

    If you are finding it hard to get access to a phone, threre is also the online chat function that you can try from 11:00am - 12:00am (midnight) https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

    Kind regards, 
    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  18. Giraffe
    Giraffe avatar
    44 posts
    14 April 2021
    Hey Emo, I hope you are staying safe and I just wanted to say I find you very inspirational. I hope you come back here soon.
    1 person found this helpful
  19. Emo
    Emo avatar
    225 posts
    15 April 2021 in reply to Giraffe

    Hi Giraffe,

    Thank you for your kind words and for your concern. I'm trying my best to keep myself safe but it's an ongoing battle.

    I'm sorry but I'm not sure what your back story is but I hope things are going OK for you. I hope you have a great support system as it is very hard dealing with things on your own.

    I look forward to hearing more from you. Thank you.

    Regards,

    Emo.

    1 person found this helpful
  20. Guest 05
    Guest 05 avatar
    128 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Emo
    Hello All Night Owls. What is actually discussed on this thread, please? Thank you
  21. Giraffe
    Giraffe avatar
    44 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Guest 05
    As far as I know anything you like.
  22. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Matchy69 avatar
    5852 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Guest 05
    Hi Guest 05 this thread was created for those who have trouble sleeping and have a space to chat about anything when they can't sleep.
  23. Guest 05
    Guest 05 avatar
    128 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Matchy69

    Hi Giraffe and Matchy. Thank for the feedback. Will put it in the backburner until a more suitable time to chat with those other night owls.

    Regards

  24. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Sleepy21 avatar
    4156 posts
    19 April 2021 in reply to Guest 05

    hi guys

    haven't been sleeping well lately at all

    so muh on my mind and i just can't "land" my mind to a point where it feels safe enough to sleep

    i see a doctor but don't take any medication for sleep - maybe he has some other ideas.

    how are u all, night owls? hope ur getting good and cosy for sleep and/or finding some ways to relax if the zzzs aren't coming x

  25. Lillylane
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Lillylane avatar
    332 posts
    23 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hey Night Owls,

    Hi Sleepy, thank you for your kind words for everyone :) Imagine if we could give people a year of guaranteed good sleep for their birthdays! Would be the best gift ever.

    Have struggled to sleep well this week. Had a very frustrating day yesterday and felt like my brain had slowed down to a crawl and just not functioning with one thing after another.

    Thanks for the space to be able to vent.

    Lillylane

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Shelll
    Shelll avatar
    7364 posts
    27 April 2021

    Anyone up, is about 12:30 am.

    Anyone reading, I would appreciate what you had to say to my question.

    Does anyone have or had an experience where you just want to be known? Just asking

  27. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
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    Sleepy21 avatar
    4156 posts
    27 April 2021 in reply to Shelll

    Hi Shelll

    i'm awake

    can't sleep either.

    I very much feel that way.

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Betty Moon
    Betty Moon avatar
    2 posts
    27 April 2021 in reply to Shelll

    Hey Shell,

    Im awake driving me crazy not sleeping, worrying about my son all the time :(

    Could you please explain to me why you feel alone

    Betty x

    1 person found this helpful
  29. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
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    Sleepy21 avatar
    4156 posts
    27 April 2021
    couldnt sleep so baked a healthy apple crumble for breakfast.
    I wish I was a happy insomniac. I've been that before. Where i don't sleep much but still function. Now i just feel like i'm losing my mind. So little sleep it's gotten to the point where I'm just like, stuff it, and doing daily things at 12:30am
    1 person found this helpful
  30. Matchy69
    Valued Contributor
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    Matchy69 avatar
    5852 posts
    27 April 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi sleepy I didn't sleep much neither I was tossing and turning and feel like I have done 10 rounds with Ali. Baking an apple crumble was a constructive way of passing time.I use to make apple crumbles a lot once.I usually stay in bed trying to sleep if I do get up I seem to wake the kids up.Everyone seemed to sleep in and my cat slept to 5am.I am just listening to the roosters crowing in the distance and now here the sound of another train going pass.

    Take care,

    Mark.

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