In order to have a true friend, you first have to be a true friend. I've lived my life by that, because my Mom taught me that truth at a very young age. And for many years, I had so many close, beautiful friendships (and we are still in touch, but by facebook or some other online medium (sorry no offense beyond blue- you're awesome and you helps me and many others, but it's not the same as a close friend face to face or even the phone!))... but ironically, as I've gotten older, when I feel really down... I always realize that actually don't have anyone to call. Those that I might call, I actually know they don't truly care. I haven't had a real friend in many years. I am certain it is partly because I've pulled away from people due to hurt from failed friendships too many times, especially as I got older, it's like failed friendships became more painful... and there are probably many other factors. But now I'm not really sure how to go out and make a true friend again. I'm involved in a lot of hobbies and I know heaps and heaps of people from work, etc. But I feel like I've lost how to truly connect with one person.
I think it is because I'm scared of being vulnerable. I think my facade of being strong and living a "successful" life is working too well (why do I put quotes on successful... well, I think success would be if I could feel content and give contentedness to the world, but society thinks success is based on other things- money in the bank, job, status, etc.... so people THINK I'm successful, but I know differently)... I'm too afraid to tear down my facade though... Why? Maybe a stupid reason, but I'll be honest. It is because there are people who prey on weakness.. and want those of us they view as strong to fail and those are the people I fear as they do hurt me.. regardless if I pretend they don't...
I think everyone struggles with issues of different sorts, but most of us hide them. And it's good in a way, because you can't walk around feeling sorry for yourself... that is a very deep hole that perhaps you'll never climb out once you climb in, but it also doesn't allow you to have deep and meaningful relationships.
Just curious of others thoughts on this massive topic? Thank you for "listening."