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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Not in a good space

Topic: Not in a good space

  1. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    22 August 2021 in reply to Paw Prints

    Hi Paws

    You make perfect sense, as usual, thankyou. I’m sorry youve experienced the uncomfortable circle situation also. I usually just stand there awkwardly on the outside!

    Today has been a better day. Probably because I haven’t been anywhere. Just busy with thesis stuff.

    I do like to wear colour, yes. But all the clothes I bought for prac are drab - apart from the blue cardigan. Maybe I’ll try the op shop after pay day :)

    How are your new house plants going? Do you have a nice spot for them? I bought a new plant that has sticky tendrils to catch the fungus gnats on my other plant lol. It’s pretty but I’ve forgotten it’s name sorry.

    Hugs to you and ear scratches for Woofa x

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  2. Paw Prints
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    25 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    How are you going lass?... Have you managed to get to your prac this week?... More importantly have you been doing something nice for you each day???

    I'm going to have to google fungus gnats... I know the gnats that live in the lawn in summer... but I've not heard of fungus ones before... Ummm I've watered my new plants... but I still haven't potted them up... I want to put a few of them in hanging pots so they are safe from Woofa sending them flying... that means I need to get my drill out...

    I hope you are having some sunshine

    Hugs

    Paws

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  3. Hanna3
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    27 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    How are you travelling there Katy? I hope uni and the prac are going OK. 🐦🌿🍄🌼⛲🌻
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  4. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    28 August 2021

    Hello

    Im drinking my morning coffee before I go to yoga. Australia Post seem to be behind on deliveries as I ordered some books online and it’s been a fortnight and nothing. I’d prefer to be reading right now. How are you both?

    I see you managed to get out and do some potting, Paws. That’s great. I hope your plants bring you much joy and that Woofa leaves them in peace.

    I did manage to get through a Dervla Mactiernan novel which I found ok. Have you read anything good lately, Hanna? I’m guessing your library is closed?

    Ive completed just over a hundred hours at prac - one fifth of the way through! I have a progress meeting with my three (!) supervisors in a fortnight and will find out if they’re ok with how I’m going. You’ll be pleased to know I wore purple yesterday for Wear it Purple Day for LGBTQI+ awareness.

    I’ve written one tentative sentence on my poor thesis, so that’s what I’ll be doing with my weekend! Wish me luck :)

    Hugs and pats, Katy

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  5. ecomama
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hey Katy

    WISHING YOU GOOD LUCK!
    And a HUGE Congratulations on being ONE FIFTH THROUGH your Prac!

    That's big little lady lol.

    ONLY THREE Supervisors? Wow they don't overdo things do they lol.

    Do you have to do the whole FIVE FIFTHS in a row?

    Well done for making it through this week and every week.
    You're doing so well!

    Love EMxxxx

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  6. Paw Prints
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Well done lass!!! That is a biggie getting through that many hours...

    Is your uni superstitious or what?.. You know...three bears - ok... three wishes - yep... three supervisors - what the???

    I love that you wore purple to your prac... yay you!!!

    Hope you enjoyed your yoga session (& that it was outside in some sunshine)

    Remember to take "you breaks" while you work on your thesis over the weekend.

    Hugs for you & pats for the lovely Miss Storm

    Paws

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  7. Hanna3
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    28 August 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    Sure sounds like you're busy! I think people selling on ebay also might have trouble getting stuff posted. I've ordered a music cd and expect it will take longer than usual.

    Yep our library is closed so I'm so glad I borrowed a heap of books before in case a lockdown happened.

    I've gone off novels except The Unbearable Lightness of Being which is superb.

    I'm also reading Shane by Joseph Burgo about dealing with feelings or past experiences of being shamed and 12 Rules for Life by Jordan Peterson which I think absolutely everyone should read and I wish someone had given me all this advice when I was a young thing. It's superb.

    Keep on chugging through the uni stuff you ll get there!

    🙂🌼💖🐦🦚💐🎸

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  8. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    31 August 2021

    Hiya

    Bit of a yuk day today. I was worried about going out for a staff lunch today (very anxiety provoking for me), and then something threw me off balance at the start of the work day which just made everything feel harder. So I’m hating on myself for being so socially inept. Couldn’t wait to go home, then realised I’d booked a gp appointment. I’m glad my gp is amazing but. She told me to just be however I need to be in that space. Wish it was ok to just be however you need to be everywhere.

    I can’t work out if I’m just looking through a negative lens today or if everything is not good. But it doesn’t feel good.

    :(

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  9. Paw Prints
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    1 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    I wish I had an answer to your question lass... I wonder if that with worrying about lunch, it made it easier for you to be thrown off balance even more at work... perhaps with that you have had a day where things weren't ok for you... they do happen... I do get the feeling though that if you started off the day worried then that negative voice in your head would probably have turned everything into a negative...

    I'm glad you managed a talk with your gp... you are lucky having one you like...

    I really hope that without the worry about lunch that tomorrow will be a better day for you.

    Hugs

    Paws

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  10. fortniterealsad
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    1 September 2021 in reply to iamanxiety
    i am the real fortnite and this is cool
  11. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    2 September 2021
    Dragged into a big meeting today to discuss concerns about my ability to pass placement, because of my anxiety. So that was not fun. I’m back in bed. If anyone has a magic wand - please wave it my way
  12. Paw Prints
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    2 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Oh lass... I don't have a wand, but I do have big comforting cyber hugs...

    Did the meeting have a particular outcome or will there be a follow up? (Please don't feel you have to answer)

    Do cuddle Stormy & talk things over with her... dogs are great listeners

    Paws

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Hanna3
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    2 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Katy, when I had severe anxiety years ago I was put on medication which really got me through for a long time. I genuinely needed it to get through my studies and work. Has your psych suggested anything which might help you more? Is it panic attacks or just really severe anxiety? Have you tried medication with any effect? What about your GP?

    I think there are times when drugs are truly helpful.

    Trouble is, this meeting will make you more anxious unless they were able to suggest some things that might help you? Did they have any suggestions to make to assist you to get through?

    Fluffy hugs from Sam. Zoom didn't work this afternoon. I am off to the computer repair place tomorrow yet again.

    Think about things you can do to get yourself through the prac. OK? hugs.

  14. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    5 September 2021

    Hiya

    I wish I could explain more here but I can’t. It felt quite unfair what happened. I’m going to just keep on keeping on and see what happens. I’m now two fifths the way through. That still gives me plenty of time to try and meet the set criteria to pass. Some support would be great, but that doesn’t seem to be forthcoming.

    Meanwhile I also have my thesis to work on. I’m making slow progress as trying to work out how to do research, while doing research is a lot.

    On a cheerier note the day is sunny and we are all having a break in the sun. Stormy’s belly is pink already! Sending toasty hugs x

    2 people found this helpful
  15. Hanna3
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi. Katy

    I'm glad you've decided to keep on going! I think that's the right attitude to have.

    It's difficult here sometimes when you can't explain things the way you'd like.

    I'm sorry they're not being very supportive for you there.

    You'll manage the thesis just keep chugging on with breaks as needed. You'll be ok.

    Glad you've got some nice weather to go out in.

    Keep going! 🙂👍🌼🌿🌻⛲🦜🌴🐚🐳🧚‍♂️

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  16. Paw Prints
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    5 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Oh lass I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need...

    I'm really impressed that you have decided to keep going... yay you!!!

    Good on you taking breaks to enjoy the sun... that is wonderful self care...

    Hugs

    Paws

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  17. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    9 September 2021

    How much worry weight can you carry before you go under?

    Prac is a mess. Really not my fault.

    My car rego is very overdue but no means to pay it. Dog needs a vet for her ear again but everyone on a special diet means I’m the one who won’t be eating again when I take her.

    Housing took five years to replace a water damaged skirting board. I was stoked til I saw they’ve damaged the wall paint, which I did and paid for myself. No money to pay for more paint. It’s ugly and I’m sad.

    All the stress is interfering with getting my thesis done, which adds stress. I feel like I’m going to pop. Kind of wish I would.

    Well, that’s me. I hate my stupid life.

  18. Hanna3
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    Speaking as someone also pretty overwhelmed by problems at the moment I have got some assistance through a local social worker who contacted the salvation army for me and they are sending me a voucher for groceries and for help towards new glasses.

    I wonder if you could contact the salvation army yourself for assistance?

    Does the vet allow you to have an account and pay it off?

    Can you get a centrelink advance for the car?

    I wish I knew what to suggest. Housing are pathetic and our government doesn't care.

    I would get whatever financial assistance you can and ask the vet about a payment plan.

    It's horrible to be in these situations as I know all too well. Hang in there.

    When feeling overwhelmed just try to deal with one thing at a time.

    Sending hugs. Let us know how you are going. You know there is support for you here.

    💖🌼🐕🌿🐦🌷🦚

    1 person found this helpful
  19. ecomama
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    9 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Dear Katy

    I'm sorry to hear how tough things are. Hugs.

    Dot points, so it's easier to read:

    * LOTS of Churches have Food Pantries and so many will deliver to your house too! Yes Salvation Army can help with all sorts of vouchers. Seventh Day Adventist Church here has ENORMOUS Food packages full of amazing healthy food for FREE and they'll deliver. A Pentecostal Church here even has dog food with their food packs.

    * FREECYCLE is a great site to join. Once you OFFER something you don't want, you can ASK for something you need or want. PAINT can be gained for free and so many ppl will bring it to your doorstep too.

    * I saw a Community program that gives you money for things like Rego, via an interest free loan.
    PLEASE Call your Neighbourhood Centres and ask. Only ppl in Housing or with Centrelink Cards can apply.

    About your Prac, IDK what they're called nowadays but the Uni I went to in the dark ages had a Psychologist who went in to bat for me twice. Both times I was kept in my Course because of the Psychs support.
    Think about WHO you can tell if you feel your Course work is being threatened.
    You need support and deserve support.

    You're almost THERE.
    Hang in there for the good times coming!

    Love always
    EMxxxx

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  20. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    9 September 2021

    I wish if they’re going to fail me they’d just hurry up with it and that will be that. I feel in limbo. I’m doing what I can do. Just decide already!

    Well I kind of took your advice EM and asked on fb if anyone had some leftover paint. Somebody kindly gave me a Bunnings card so I can buy some ♥️ How amazing!

    Thanks for all the advice. I’m not very good at asking for help as I’m uncomfortable talking to people at the best of times. When I’m stressed out I just want to hide! Im glad to hear you’ve found some though, Hanna. Really glad. Is that a new social worker? Not the young one you saw last time?

    Thanks for your kindness here. I feel slightly less stressed x

  21. Paw Prints
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    10 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    I wish I could think of something wise to say to you lass... the best I can offer is a cyber cuppa & friendly ear to listen...

    It's ok to for now just to put Storm back in her nanna scarf to stop her shaking her ear... if her ear is held secure then she can't make it worse & so you can wait a bit giving you some breathing space before going to the vet...

    Lass have you managed to talk to the uni psych/counsellor... Em is right you shouldn't have to go through this without having their help & support...

    Another week down... you can see this through... remember how often you have thought you weren't doing ok you then got a great mark... I believe you can do this...

    Big hugs

    Paws

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Hanna3
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    10 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    Did you manage to get any help today or did you need to stay under the doona? That would be understandable!

    Is there a student counsellor available to help? Worth a try??

    Hope you're feeling a smidgen better today.

    I asked the same social worker as previously as she's the only one available here. She seems to have found her feet aa bit more and is trying to help.

    Let us know how you're going. Hugs from us here 💖🐕🧚‍♂️🌿🌼😷

  23. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    11 September 2021

    Hello

    It’s prac bothering me the most. Not prac itself but the uni. I feel like last year they wanted me to succeed on prac and this year it’s the opposite. Prac is fine. I like the role and the team are nice. They’re very supportive and accommodating around my MH issues, but the uni aren’t. So as far as I’m concerned, I’m doing my best. But if that’s not enough to tick the boxes, tell me, so we’re done here. Because I can’t be someone without MH issues. Am I making sense?

    I feel quite frustrated by it all.

    But… right now I’m sitting out the back in the sunshine. I always feel happy here. I feel close to my Z. The back lawn is overgrown with weeds a foot high and blooming with yellow flowers which the bees love. All this lovely unkempt nature feels calming.

    Let’s have that cup of tea, Paws. I hope you’ll all join us x

    I just noticed your emojis, Hanna. Quite apt choices - love, dog, nature, and my little sprite girl ♥️ I’m guessing that’s you in the mask, joining us for tea? :)

    Hugs to all x

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  24. Hanna3
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    11 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy!

    Yep that's me in the mask - we're one of the few regions in NSW still in hard lockdown probably until mid October at least. It's a bummer!

    Spent a beautiful spring morning (sunny and warm with a breeze) picnicking by the river where it gurgles over the rocks. It's so pretty!

    Now cooking a chicken and mushroom casserole in the slow cooker - smells wonderful!

    So I don't understand. If the prac people are happy what's the problem with the uni? Any way you can explain here?

    Sorry you're having problems. Any support from someone at the uni?

    That cup of tea sounds nice. Can we have a bikkie with it?

    Would be nice to chat over a cuppa!

    Hugs from us here 🐕🐾😷🎶🐚🐳🎸

  25. Paw Prints
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    11 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Katy,

    Well Woofa & I have just got back from buying milk & we have sat ourselves down on the couch (I'm sitting he is all snuggled up next to me) with a cuppa... so pull up a comfy chair & we can watch all the wildlife buzzing, flying & hopping around our gardens... As there is rain fast approaching I will need to watch through the window...

    My yards are overgrown & I have been loving how many different critters have been visiting all the flowering weeds & eating the seeds... I agree letting it run wild & watching all the life that uses it is very calming. However Woofa will be happier when I mow it because at the moment it is far too wet for him to play.

    Lass you have made perfect sense about what the problem is... given they knew you have mh issues when they offered you the choice to do honours I can understand your frustration... I know you might find it hard to do, but whether or not the uni likes how you are doing... could you try to just focus on how doing the prac you are getting wonderful experience & gaining more skills you will always have. Try to think of the uni approval as a bonus not an essential.

    I currently have a fairy wren pinching bugs from the spider webs on the outside of the lounge window... the ferocious guard dog is already snoozing.

    Hugs

    Paws

    1 person found this helpful
  26. Hanna3
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    14 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hi Katy

    I thought you might be interested in this. Don't know if you remember I had a tenancy advocate help me when I had the dreadful gas leaks here and was in a struggle with Housing about the cost. She was great.

    We'll I found an article by her online about her terrible struggle with her life long anxiety. She would be about your age I think.

    She's had a terrible time so she took up the advocacy role. A lot of her work is by phone.

    We'll she was an enormous support to me. So just shows there is a role for you despite the anxiety you just have to find your niche. I couldn't have got through without her.

    Hope this helps encourage you!

    Hugs 🙂🌼🧚‍♂️🎶

  27. Katyonthehamsterwheel
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    15 September 2021

    Thank you both as I am feeling rather depressed tonight. I like the idea of focusing on what I’m learning and the skills I’m developing, as I’m actually really enjoying many aspects of prac and Ive enjoyed uni too. I’ve always known I may not graduate. I guess it just feels harder now I’m actually facing it.

    Caught up with a uni friend after prac tonight. She’s already been offered employment at her placement. I’m happy for her of course, but deflates me a little too. I’d love to find an employer and a role that would be a good fit for me. Something in a “helping” role, even if it’s not with a degree would be just fine.

    I wish I could stop hating myself for being so inadequate. I’m sure it’s not in the least helpful.

  28. Sophie_M
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    15 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need as we know it hard going through this alone.
    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
    If you’d like there is always support which may be helpful and your always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline  They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. In addition there is Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.
     
    1 person found this helpful
  29. Sophie_M
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    15 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel
    Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need as we know it hard going through this alone.
    If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.
    If you’d like there is always support which may be helpful and your always welcome to get in touch with Kids Helpline  They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. In addition there is Headspace. Headspace is an organisation specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including group programs which are a great opportunity to meet people. They also have a group chat on their webpage.
     
  30. Ggrand
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    15 September 2021 in reply to Katyonthehamsterwheel

    Hello Dear Katey,

    You are so right in saying that hating yourself..it’s not helpful...

    Katey, It’s hard when we see people who are doing the same uni degree..move ahead of us...but in reality everyone learns at the speed that they can...Although I don’t think speed is the word I’m looking for.,,,There are always going to people that can do things better then us...and always people who are a bit slower in doing/learning things...

    The thing is..to never give up on your dream...Keep pushing forward lovely Katey...you can only do your best, and that’s all that counts...

    It sad that you feel that you hate yourself for being inadequate...What is being inadequate?...Its only when we start comparing ourselves with others and our expectations of ourself...thinking we should be as good as them...When we are being the best person we can be...and we can’t do better then that..

    Be proud of yourself Katey..you are doing a good job...the best job you can..,,How about taking a bit of time for yourself today...have a nice bubble bath...sit in the sun...give yourself a yummy snack...give yourself time to just breathe and enjoy being the wonderful person you are..and we can see..l

    My love, care hugs n pats precious lady..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful

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