I guess what’s keeping me here, ironically, is the guilt. As I grew up, I started to hide that I needed things as I felt that I should go without to save my parents money, worked hard to control and hide my Aspergers symptoms as I felt my autism embarrassed my family, and kept quiet to avoid attention. I would feel so guilty for the financial burden, embarrassment and attention my suicide would bring to my family, so I still keep quiet and just put up with it. The idea that depression should be kept quiet was instilled in me by my mother when I was 14. Long story short, I was open about my depression and instead of offering me help or offering to get me help, the first sentence she said to me upon finding out I was public about it, was “you need to stop that, no one wants of needs to hear about it, especially not employers, do you even want a job?!”