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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Veteran with Complex PTSD,MDD,GAD seriously needing help

Topic: Veteran with Complex PTSD,MDD,GAD seriously needing help

18 posts, 0 answered
  1. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    25 May 2019

    Hello Everyone,

    I would like to apologize in advance if I say anything wrong here as I have never written in a forum before and this is coming out of desperation.

    I am ex military living with severe service related mental health issues and I am constantly being triggered by my neighbours, my street, my estate, my local council and police. I own my home and decided to settle down after years of postings all around australia. Before my home was built I had my new neighbours prying into our lives and being Military we have been very private people and we closed off from these new neighbours upon moving in as they would be at our doorstep before I could open the door to my car upon coming home. Since then they have now become our bullies and not only have they turned the whole street against us, they have turned the whole neighbourhood including the developers against us. We constantly receive complaints from our local council from these people, we constantly have the police at our house. I have been threatened to be raped, killed, had my property damaged, spat on, property stolen, called all names under the sun which has all been caught on our cameras with full audio and shown to QLD police who turned it all back on me and told me I was the crazy one and I needed to go to the psychiatric ward as I was hysterically upset and triggered by my military experiences. No matter what I do I am constantly harrassed and bullied to the point where I severely hurt myself to escape. We have built fences, put up signs to leave us alone, we keep to ourselves and all I need to get better is a safe zone which I dont have and havent had for the three years living here. I am trapped and have no way out!! I am constantly living in fear and reliving the trauma I endured with my military career. I dont know what else to do, we cant afford to sell or rent, DVA dont care!! Please help me!!!

  2. Nurse Jenn
    Health professional
    • Health professional
    Nurse Jenn avatar
    436 posts
    26 May 2019

    Hi Trapped Veteran,

    Welcome to the beyond blue forum. It is great to see you posting here to get some support for the issues you are facing. I am really sorry to hear that you are struggling with the situation with your neighbours and your experiences of living in fear and reliving trauma. This sounds like a really difficult and tough situation. Becoming upset and distressed when reaching out and then being told by the police that you need to see a psychiatrist doesn't sound like what you needed in that moment. Please take some time to acknowledge how difficult trauma can be. Be kind to your self during this time and know that there is help out there.

    You mentioned that DVA (Department of Veterans) were not supportive. I wonder if you have contacted their counselling centre called Open Arms and spoken to one of the counsellors that is available to you? I am not sure this is something you have tried in the past but getting support from counsellors that are trained specifically in supporting veterans cope with past experiences and trauma could be helpful to you in reducing your stress. I have attached a few links for your convenience to this service

    https://www.openarms.gov.au

    Becoming more and more isolated in your home and feeling unsafe in your own home would be very unsettling and I can understand how you would become trapped. If you were able to get some support to build your mental strength it may become easier to tolerate your neighbours and even start look at different strategies to find a way to live in harmony.

    When you have long periods of stress, it can be very hard to see beyond the wall of stress you are dealing with. Tackling small bits and pieces of your stress one item at a time and starting with the things that you have control over (such as your own mental health) can be a good way to start. Once you have reduced some of the stress, then you could start tackling bigger stressors such as your living situation.

    I wonder if you have any support at home or a trusted friend that you might be able to talk with if you are not wanting to talk with a counsellor?

    If you are ever feeling out of control or that you need immediate support, don't hesitate to call the beyondblue support line on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Open Arms on 1800 011 046. Having trauma experiences can be extremely stressful and I encourage you to reach out and get some support soon.

    Wishing you the best possible outcome,

    Nurse Jenn

  3. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    30 December 2019

    Thank you Nurse Jen for taking the time to reply back to me and provide the advice that you did. You do not know how much that meant to me. I am with Open Arms and have used there services often including being referred to a psychologist, which I feel has been the most benefit to me. She has kept me alive and has seen me at my very worse.

    Unfortunately I am back on here today as my situation has gone from bad to extremely worse with these neighbours. They have put in a very vexatious complaint to the police and lied on their complaints saying that we threatened them with particular weapons (which we didn’t and don’t own any) and our house was raided by about 14 police officers all wearing riot gear. No weapons were found and then they charged us with stalking these neighbours (which they have been doing to us for over 3 years. My husband who is also a disabled veteran and I were then very violently arrested.
    I self harmed so badly whilst being held in the cells that when the police saw it they shrugged their shoulders and ignored it. The police have also been caught on camera laughing and joking about what they did to us. We are now homeless and we still don’t know what we have done wrong. My psychiatrist, dva appointed crisis care worker and psychologist are just trying to keep me alive right now but I don’t and cant go through this court process based on the corruption and the torment that we have just gone through. I dont know what to do anymore but give up.

  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6594 posts
    30 December 2019 in reply to Trapped veteran
    Dear Trapped veteran,

    You've had some extremely traumatic experiences and we are so sorry to hear this. We understand that it might have been difficult for you to write about these experiences, and so we think you are very brave to do so and to reach out to our community like this. We think it's great that you did and we hope that you continue to reach out to the community, especially as it seems you might have some turbulent times ahead as you go through this court process. Please feel free to reach out when you are feeling low. We have sent you a private message.

    It sounds like you have a good team of professionals and relevant services available to you to assist you. We would strongly recommend that you continue being so strong and reaching out to your support team when you need it. There is always hope, and things can always improve with time and the right support although we might be going through dark times. 

    We would recommend that if you feel the need to self harm again that you instead reach out to someone from your support team or contact a crisis service if you are able to:

    •    Lifeline – 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-4am)

    OR call the workers at Open Arms to talk through your feelings and situation.

    And remember - if you are in immediate danger to yourself, always call 000 (triple zero).


    Sophie M.

     
  5. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    13 January 2020

    Thank you Sophie M for taking the time to respond to my post.

    I dont feel brave or strong at all. I feel weak and trapped. No matter what I do I always have other people destroying me and my life. My Defence career was taken away from me by vexatious and toxic abusive people and I have been dealing with these mental conditions for so long trying to have what happened to me in my defence career accepted all whilst living next to these toxic, low life horrible people who made our lives a living nightmare. No matter what we did they would always complain to higher authorities. The things they would complain about were everything. Part of my rehab was gardening - they complained about that, listening to music - they complained about that - privacy and being safe is all i needed to try to get better and these people denied me of that. Denied me of my basic human rights and made my conditions worsen so much that I tried to end my life on multiple occasions and severely broke my leg in trying to escape of them from stalking me. Everytime I called the qld police they ignored me!!! Everytime!!!!!

    How is the justice system allowing people like these neighbours to do these things to people like us who gave 26 years of our lives for this country and for what!!! We are not criminals, the complete opposite we do anything for anyone and served this country. The qld police admitted they didnt do their due diligence and look into the history of the abuse we have received from these neighbours and have just taken their lies and vexatious “stalking” idea did what they did to us. We live The trauma we experience on a daily basis is extreme from our military careers and living next to these toxic people and now on top of that is the day the qld police violently and abusively arrested us. Both legally disabled veterans!!! I can’t keep living like this. I just wanted these people to stop and they just kept pushing!! I am beyond broken and I dont know how to come back from this. The violent attack on my husband and I from the qld cops is constantly on my mind to where I wont even eat certain foods now that remind me of that day! Why were the qld cops allowed to do what they did to us. We have no criminal history and have done good by this country by dedicating our lives to serving it. I don’t understand and cant overcome this.

  6. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    117 posts
    13 January 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran
    I connect ed so much with your situation. No I am not military, but a survivor of childhood trauma and domestic violence. I have exactly the same diagnoses and I have evil neighbours to boot. I wish I had an answer. All we want is calm and privacy and there are those with horrid intention willfully invading with malicious and harmful acts. I am at a loss to know how we get away from such ugly, nightmarish situations. We have been living here 8 years. If the local police are so horrid My only thought is perhaps explaining what has gone on to the AAAC. The people at Synapse in Sydney may be able to refer you, or take you on if you are in their coverage area. Synapse helped my partner through the AAAC against the NDIS ... they are very skilled advocates for those with neurological and mental health issues, even though their main focus is brain injury.
    Just know ... you are not alone
    1 person found this helpful
  7. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    24 January 2020 in reply to Lady Nova

    Thank you Lady Nova for taking the time to reply to my post and I’m sorry if it bought up memories from your childhood. I am sorry that you had to go through trauma like that and you are a survivor. It sounds like your neighbours are horrid to and you are right, I don’t know why people do the things they do and cause horrific harm to others. The Qld police have done nothing to help us from these neighbours even though we have video evidence to proove everything, but everytime these horrid people put in their false complaints with no evidence just a statement of “he said she said” to council and police we are immediately guilty of it.

    The days are getting worse for me. I am going into a deep depression where I just take my prescribed drugs to sleep just so I am not awake anymore and thinking about how horrid this situation is. I just want to be free from this.

    My psychiatrist recently gave up on me so I have lost their support now and I am just becoming “a problem/burden” on people now. I didn’t ask nor want this to happen to me but I am not the one in the wrong here. These neighbours just kept stalking/harrassing/stealing/baiting/perving and Queensland police did nothing!!!!

    I am really right now at a massive loss and really don’t have any faith in Australia anymore. Our lives that we worked and sacrificed so much for were taken away within seconds all because of these bored/horrid/pathetic neighbours and the Queensland police not doing their due diligence to look into the history of what these horrid neighbours have done to us over the past three years. I just want justice and for this to go away. This is not fair and i regret serving this country and breaking myself for it

  8. Lady Nova
    Lady Nova avatar
    117 posts
    25 January 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran

    No regrets mate! Some of us are worth it, just as you are worth more than you are getting.

    I might suggest a call to the police assistance line to explain what is happening and your dissatisfaction around how it is being managed. This gets it logged outside of the local area and a resolution is followed and assessed from a central place. You deserve better.

    Otherwise seeking assistance from the AAT might be an option.

    I know how hard these processes are for anyone hurting like this, but an advocate could be useful.

    I wish our country was a nicer place when it proves itself unworthy like this, too many yobboes and not enough common decency has become du jour, and it is sad.

    I do hope there is a silver lining for you, best and kindest regards.

  9. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    10 February 2020
    I really need some help please. Our whole lives are a living nightmare and my thoughts are becoming acts. I dont know how to end this nightmare we are living and it just keeps getting worse.
  10. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran

    Hi Trapped Veteran

    Things sound really off for you. Neighbours that cause so much pain, difficulties are hard to live next door to. I've had similar issues myself recently with PTSD from my childhood abuse been triggered and living next door to their ongoing abuse for many years. I'm lucky - they finally moved. But the anxiety, pain, distress that it caused was awful, the last few years I've survived on very little sleep as my anxiety levels were through the roof. I'm only now almost fully recovered.

    It sounds like you need both practical support as well as emotional support.

    If the Police aren't being helpful, or even discriminatory - have you tried making a complaint to the Queensland Police Headquarters (https://www.police.qld.gov.au/reporting/compliments-and-complaints) for the Queensland Crime and Corruption Commission (https://www.ccc.qld.gov.au)? Do you have other family members who can help to go through this arduous process? It won't be easy, but you might find some justice.

    It is concerning though that your psychiatrist has given up on you.

    I see from the other posts that others have given you some good contacts to make. I really urge you to call the Emergency Services 000 if you think you are going to harm yourself in anyway.

    Until you can make alternative arrangements for a new psychiatrist, perhaps call -

    LifeLine on 13 11 14 or https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat available 7pm-4am.

    Open Arms on 1800 011 046

    You're not alone Trapped Veteran.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  11. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6594 posts
    10 February 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran
    Hi Trapped veteran, 

    We are sorry to hear that things have not been improving for you. Please know our community is here to support you through this difficult time. As we’re concerned about your wellbeing we’ve asked our Support Service to check in with you to ensure that you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe.  We’d ask if you could please respond to them.
     
    As PamelaR has mentioned, you’re not alone in this. The Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467 / https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/need-to-talk/) is also available to talk things through with you.
     
    Keep reaching out whenever you feel up to it.
     
  12. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    9 December 2020

    Hello Sophie M.
    thank you for your support and assistance during the worst time of my life. Everyone’s guidance and help has given me the support i needed and still do need to this day.

    unfortunatly my situation is still dire and nothing has changed regarding the legal side of things. It has been over a year now and it doesn’t look like it will end anytime soon.
    this is playing on my mental health and intrusive thoughts that I keep having.

    fortunately I have a really good support network around me now with monthly stakeholder meetings and medications that have been able to help me. I have a good psychiatrist now and one that really does care about their patients and is proactive with my recovery. My psychologist is my life saver.
    i have been to hospital for rehab after i tried to commit suicide

    Veteran support has definitely opened up for me since this dark day was upon me.

    life doesn’t seem so dark as it did in my previous post, however I owe this to all the support i have received. I would not be here today without it. Thank you Beyond Blue, Thank you Open Arms, thank you.

    although things are about to get darker in the new year, I have been able to see a glimmer of light in the last couple of months.
    i really hope that I have these supports there for me when my dark future unfolds

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6594 posts
    9 December 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran
    Hey Trapped veteran,

    We are so grateful that you have reached out here tonight to update the community on how you've been going. We're really sorry to hear that your situation is still feeling incredibly stressful, but it sounds like you've taken some big and important steps in finding helpful supports. We can hear that it's been a really painful journey for you, but we are so glad to hear that you have a range of supports around you, including a psychiatrist and psychologist who you connect with and who understand you. 

    We hope that you keep reaching out to your supports, whenever things are feeling difficult to cope with, including the kind counsellors at the Beyond Blue Support Service who are there for you anytime, day or night, on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat 1pm-12am AEST at: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

    Our caring and supportive community are here for you to offer as much advice and conversation as you need through this, and we hope that you continue to update us on your thoughts and feelings, whenever you feel ready. You're never alone in this.
     
  14. Guest_1643
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Guest_1643 avatar
    4854 posts
    9 December 2020 in reply to Trapped veteran

    Hey Trapped veteran
    I am so sorry for what you're going through

    thank u to PamelaR and othres for sharing their own experiences, with empathy for what another user is going through. It helps to know you are not alone.

    Trapped Veteran I have also found my neighbours have triggered my PTSD. I think for some of us with PTSD, in order to recover and heal we need to have a home that is 100 percent safe and secure - whatever that means. A place we can recharge and recouperate after the stressers and triggers we deal with in the real world. To have that threatned is too painful.

    I just wanted to comment Trapped Veteran that you are free to use this space to vent, share, and be here if things are good or bad, through tough times or through your successes. It is okay to use this place if you need to. There is absolutely no pressure but we are here for u to listen without judgement if you feel that would help you.

  15. Trapped veteran
    Trapped veteran avatar
    7 posts
    8 January 2021

    Hello.

    Im sorry to have to write doom and gloom but i need to.

    im going down hill again and this time really fast. I feel like I can’t breath. Im having suicidal thoughts again as my situation just doesn’t want to end. I dont know how to make it stop. I can’t do anything and im spiralling out of all self control. I dont know what authority to talk to to have my say. I want to the media with my situation. How do I make law listen to my cries of help when they have let me down every single time I’ve needed them. How do i make the courts listen to my calls for help. They don’t take my mental illnesses into consideration, these neighbours have won in every aspect and they are still controlling how i feel, do and say. I am more trapped then ever. I cry myself to sleep every night just not wanting to wake up. I hate life.

  16. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6594 posts
    8 January 2021 in reply to Trapped veteran
    Hi Trapped veteran,

    We are so sorry to hear how much your mental health is deteriorating at the mmoment and are so grateful you reached out to us for help.

    As you know, the peer support available on these forums is often quick, but it is not immediate. For immediate support please reach out to your friends at Open Arms day or night on 1800 011 046. Please remember if ever you are at risk of harming yourself or others, it it an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

    If you're looking for further support dealing with government agencies and the like you might want to contact your local RSL or get in touch with RSL Defence Care here: http://www.defencecare.org.au/services/services

    Please keep checking in with us here whenever you feel up to it.
     
  17. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    6176 posts
    8 January 2021 in reply to Trapped veteran

    Hi,

    I saw in your post from Dec (just passed) that things appeared to be on the up. And now things seems to have gotten worse again. :(

    While I don't have much to say about the situation with the neighbours, I have some ideas for coping that worked for me and my thoughts... Can I ask what tools you have to help you cope with these thoughts. I am aware of an app called "Operation Life app" developed for serving and ex-serving Australian Defence Force members. I found it here...

    https://headtohealth.gov.au/supporting-yourself/support-for/veterans

    It won't remove the issue with the neighbours but will hopefully help cope. (As an aside, I use an app called "Virtual Hope box" which Ifound useful for myself.)

    You said you ... "dont know what authority to talk to to have my say" - what did you want to tell them? On this matter you might also want to chat to the people from the Defence Family Helpline (1800 624 608) who might be able to give you advice about what to do.

    I assume you are stilling seeing your psychologist? Will you be seeing them soon? And do you talk about your suicidal thoughts?

    Please remember that here you are part of the larger family of people who support each other. I know it seems you are alone where you are, but in this space we are with you. I know it is not the same.I hope you will come back to chat some more.

    Peace and comforting thoughts to you,
    Tim

  18. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10917 posts
    8 January 2021 in reply to Trapped veteran

    Dear Trapped veteran~

    I feel greatly for you, not only for the illnesses caused by your service, but also the fact the the things you need to recover -safety - peace -tranquility and support have all been taken away by neighbors, the police and the law.

    I can only look to my own experience, invalided out suicidal with PTSD, depression and anxiety, ironically from the police (no, not the Qld ones). There are two worlds, the one outside you, in which all those factors, neighbours etc are present, and the world inside you which as to try to cope with them.

    Reading all the above, you have probably been given most of what we have to suggest in terms of resources for the world outside you, and I doubt many would be news to you. Been there and done that, then having it suggested as a new idea can make one feel more helpless than usual, and more isolated.

    The other is inside you. That one is difficult to control and often - I found - dumped me back in scenes, feelings and events without my expecting it or even knowing why. However the word is difficult, not impossible. Gradually over time -with decent psychiatric help - I became better. I'm not 'fixed' but recovered to the extent my life is not one I want to give up, and my coping skills vastly improved.

    I'm OK

    One thing that made a big difference. I was hospitalized and a kind nurse went to his home, got some books and came back. He was not even one of the ones that was supposed to look after me, but noticed my hard time and acted -though kindness.

    They were adolescent fantasy and although my concentration was terrible I managed to loose myself in a world of princes and princesses who married and lived happily ever after, and villains who got their just deserts.

    I still read today, although I read books intended for adults I still insist on a happy ending.

    What am I trying to say? Your therapists were right in gardening and music being therapy, however if these place you in harms way what else have you got in your inventory to take your mind out of the stress, upset and danger for a while each day?

    May I ask if your husband is a able to support you at all, or some other relative or freind, even if far away? They do not have to 'fix' anything, just listen.

    You are welcome here anytime

    Croix

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