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Topic: How do I help?

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. just.me
    just.me avatar
    3 posts
    10 December 2017

    My sibling has been battling with depression for as long as I can remember. They have made attempts on their life before but none quite as bad as the most recent.

    This has had them put into a mental health ward which I am sure is scary but hopefully is doing a world of good.

    I am so scared that when they get out they will attempt again and succeed. After this attempt they told me that it was their time to go because they were tired of battling. They not seem more positive however I don't know if this is just a face to get out of the ward.

    I haven't been able to sleep, I cant turn my mind off and my whole body aches with the thought that they may not be here in the future. How do I help? How do I show them how much they mean to the world? How do I not lay awake at night praying for the phone not to ring with dreadful news?

  2. Bush resident
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Bush resident avatar
    81 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to just.me

    Hi just me

    Ive battled depression for decades. I can't say what works for me,as everyone is an individual.

    When I'm not on medication I write poetry. It comes from my depression.

    Maybe if you read 1 or 2 it mite give a very small insight of my depression.

    As many refer to hope and never giving up. I'm still here

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10547 posts
    10 December 2017 in reply to just.me

    Dear Just.me~

    Welcome here, coming is a good move and will help. A fair number have been in your situation, you might be able to see that just from reading their posts

    I guess the first thing is you. There is a sign in aircraft that says

    Put oxygen mask on self before others

    Its a pretty clear message you have to be in good shape and not at risk yourself before trying to help other people

    Having a brother or sister who is suicidal is an enormous load for you to bear, and actually could you at risk too. I'd strongly suggest you see your doctor and see about support for yourself, possible with counseling to help you get through.You need to pay attention to your lifestyle, with breaks, exercise, and the normal things that make it a healthy one

    Importantly you need time out for relaxation and enjoyment, this is not being selfish - just practical

    Now it is most important to realize that nobody keeps someone else alive by themselves. You can do your part, but if there is more family they have a similar part to play. As well your sibling's medical team play a pivotal role. It can be a team effort with care and communication between each other too

    OK, you asked what you can do, well there is free a smartphone app called BeyondNow

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

    This is part of a 'safety plan' which your sibling should have. I'd suggest that when you get together with you sibling you see if they will fill it in with you. When made up it is something easy to reach for when overwhelmed or frightened. It really does help.

    Filling it in together has a couple of benefits. For a start it will allow the two of you to talk about suiicide, and secondly the content of the app ends up with the knowledge of two people that know each other very well inside it, much better than just from one person

    Being in hospital away from he pressures of real life can make a huge difference. I kept going down until then. Afterwards my improvement started

    How you talk with your sibling is going to be mostly instinct, perhaps you can ask them what they would like you to say and do? Letting them know you are there for them and including them in your activities is probably as much as you can hope to do. It takes practice, you are not going to get everything right every time but trying counts

    A short post one cannot cover a lot. Please use this place as a resource. You should also receive an email with numbers for your sibling & yourself

    Croix

  4. just.me
    just.me avatar
    3 posts
    12 December 2017 in reply to Croix

    Thank you for your reply and great suggestions.

    I apologise that my first post was so short. I had a million things to say but couldn’t express it without bursting into tears and I was at work at the time so was trying to avoid that.

    Although not a pleasant place to be, having the support of the mental health ward appears to be doing some good.

    its extremely frustrating that it took this to get help. Prior to this episode they were on a 3 month wait list to see a psychologist (if that’s the medication one?)

    Our family are close and are great at providing support however that doesn’t appear to be enough anymore. Although seeming to improve at the moment my biggest fear is that they are going to try again and be successful. But I understand I cant live thinking of that each minute of everyday - it’s just so hard to turn the thought off.

  5. just.me
    just.me avatar
    3 posts
    12 December 2017 in reply to Bush resident
    Thank you Bush Resident.
  6. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10547 posts
    12 December 2017 in reply to just.me

    Dear Just.me

    It is just about impossible to be realistic about this, love takes over and worry increases in leaps and bounds, as do feelings such as guilt and even despair.

    To combat that the lifestyle methods I mentioned do help. Another thing I use when the mind is going it's own way round and round is a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. This takes practice but certainly does work.

    Talk here whenever you like, we do care

    Croix

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