Hi all, I would really appreciate some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together about 18 months now. He was up front and honest about his depression from the start. Throughout the relationship, I have seen glimpses of his struggles; he would often get down due to feeling as though he has a lack of career direction and the pressure of having 2 kids to 2 different (demanding) mothers. During those times, he has gone quiet for a few days but it never really affected our relationship.
Around 4 weeks ago I began to notice he was started to isolate himself. Sex was lessening, he stopped texting me throughout the day, after dinner he would get straight on to his phone and watch netflix with headphones in until it was time to go to sleep. Obviously this concerned me greatly and I asked if he had had a change of heart about our relationship. He said no, but that he had a lot going on in his head at the moment and struggling to pinpoint the cause. He said he just needed to work through these struggles on his own.
I struggle with this as I am an extremely affectionate person and love being intimate and love when he says he loves me. Now it's like pulling teeth trying to get anything remotely 'boyfriend-ish' out of him. I can see that my constant pestering wasn't helping and I've pulled back to give him his space. We are currently living with his parents while we renovate our new place - I offered to go stay up at the house on a mattress on the floor for a few days if he wanted me to, but he said no.
I'm at a complete loss as to how I'm meant to act or what he wants from me. I love him so much but it feels so one sided at the moment. I've since done some research on depression and know it's common for one to isolate themselves and that I should lower my relationship expectations for the meantime. It such a struggle though, because the insecure side of me still wonders if this is just a lead up to him breaking it off. I'm in a constant state of anxiety and feel like I'm walking on egg shells.
He's already on anti depressants and has been for years. I suggested that perhaps he should seek out therapy, and he just brushed it off. I think the hardest part of all this is not knowing when (or if) this depressive episode will end, and when the man I know and love will come back to me.
Thanks in advance