Im sorry for what your going through, it sounds like it’s turning into a viscous cycle.
sounds like you are already rock bottom. And it also sounds like you’ve given up on helping yourself.
Sorry but I’m going to be blunt with you.
If you haven’t given up on helping yourself than contact the beyond blue help line and ask for help in getting yourself sobre.
I don’t know where you are but There are centres that you can go to and get an assessment done on your addictions. From their with a bit of luck, they can admit you into a recovery centre for a 7 days withdrawal program.
Then it’s up to you whether you want to continue your rehabilitation and move to another centre where they admit you for 2 to 3 months and help you how to manage your life day to day. you will Be giving up time with your kids, but as I sit hear and read your thread, your doing that anyway..
its all up to you though, you have to want to do this for yourself, no one hear is going to Be able to do anything for you other than some friendly support.
And don’t worry about losing your job, save your life first, than think about working again.
i wish you the best