Hey empty cup, 😊 welcome to the forums and good job reaching out here...the first step is usually always the hardest, I only just joined this site.... about 1 week back now?? Feels like months ago to be honest, but time always feels like it goes super slow when I'm depressed...
Just know that you're not alone in this journey, and (sadly) there are many of us on the same path as you...many of us on here, myself being one of them
Depression, stress, anxiety, and loneliness are things I have dealt with as long as I can remember being alive...I am only lucky enough that they were very mild and resolved themselves several times over the years.
However after a horrific 2020, not only with the pandemic, but other unrelated factors have thrown me into the longest, deepest, and hardest depression of my life so far, going on about 6 months now...
Looking in the mirror and not knowing who is there anymore, not knowing my purpose in life, feeling forever lonely, these are things I have experienced for so long now as well, so I know what it is like, and it is just the worst feeling....
I know what you are going through because I have been there (some days I still am there) and I am so sorry you are going through it because it is such a tough road..
I've also been (and still am a bit) exactly where you have been, trying to please and help others, and now struggling to care anymore... the last job I had wasn't a particularly good one, but I made it so much worse on myself by withdrawing from everyone and isolating myself, only replying in small polite conversation when spoken to, the downside was making a "not so good job" just sooo sooo sooo much worse, by having virtually zero positive social interaction....something that is very important to us and our emotional + mental health, scientifically as human beings, or so I have been told.
I wish I had answers for you, but I can only share what I think has worked for me, and that I think might work for you.
if you feel comfortable doing so, try reaching out and talking to as many trusted people as you can and get the support you need...this isn't easy I know, but it helps a lot, I can't even describe how grateful I am for these forums here, it has been a godsend for me, though I have to admit and realise I still have a huge journey ahead of me.
If you like, try going out walking, or running, or hiking...though this doesn't work every time, I find it does help at times when my negative feelings are not so great
When you are feeling severely depressed and lonely, I will admit for me at least, and I think for others too, there is almost nothing you can do that will immediately make you feel better...I think in these instances it is important to take note of your mood and realise that it will take a few hours to get back to "normal" ...I think just about the only thing that helps a little in these circumstances, as crazy as it seems, is I go out for a walk where no one is around, and I talk to, and counsel myself out loud...the hearing of my own voice as feedback I find helpful, and I talk and ramble on about whatever is bothering me, and I ask how will this affect me in 20,30,40,50 years? How will it affect my life in the long run? Is this situation permanent? The answer usually ends up being no...and after an hour long conversation I have relaxed quite a bit back to normal...it is quite an odd feeling, but I do recommend trying it if you like.
Anyway I hope you get on to the path of your recovery soon, and just keep trying to take it a day at a time 😊