Hello, I can see there is a lot of young people struggling. I'm 47 and had anxiety and depression all my life, no one called it that, I was a "sensitive, shy" child. I've been to the place of "it's just not worth it", and what am I hear for. This world isn't for me, I don't fit, cause I am just so different to most people. Thing is everyone here is similar to me, you aren't alone, and who cares if you don't fit. Don't get me wrong, every day I have to get over my fear, pack my lunch bag and go to work. I've worked since I was 15. These days you guys can take a mental health day, if you need it. I want to hide, people are awful and I wish I wouldn't have to face them every day but I need to live, pay my mortgage and put food on the table. I'm a functional anxietist. If you ask yourself what your purpose in life is, don't look at your friends and those huge dreams, look at the day to day stuff, the little things, cause those little things, really do make big things grow. I realised that what I wanted was a house, some land, a horse, dogs, not too far from the ocean and enough money to not struggle. I have all that. Please realise, even with medication you will be dealing with this ALL your life. You have great days and then there are the really black ones, but you come out of it, maybe not stronger, but wiser, with new ways of dealing with it, or the realisation that you can deal with those days. Suicide isn't the answer, it is an easy way out for you, but your actions will destroy the people close to you, no matter how few there are. I've seen it, I've experienced it, it's not a solution.

I've seen counsellors and I've taken medication, I've grown and I understand my parents now and why they did what they did. It's easy to "blame" others for how you may be, but we do have to take responsibility and make peace. Making peace is the most important thing. "Fighting" this isn't the answer, accepting it and working with it as best as you can, is the only way. Seek help, got to the gym, go for a walk every day. You do have to put the hard work in, it's not easy, nothing ever is, I don't know how I do it most days and most days I don't want to,but I do. Try to not listen to the negative people, try not to care what others think of you. Don't use your condition as a reason to not try, EVERYONE has their demons. Learn to live with them.

Chin up, smile, let the sun shine on you and become that functioning person, that tries to make a good day for themselves every day.

Hi Sonnenblume,

welcome to beyond blue.

You wrote an interesting post. I read the whole post, wondering to myself (as I was reading it) what is poster looking for. And at the end you were not looking any for any answer. Sometimes we need to speak with someone, whether that is a counsellor, psychologist or whatever.to work out ways of managing and dealing with their issues. Take me for example, I walk most days of the week, and I see a psychologist every 2-3 weeks and have medication. The "issues" I deal with have been with me since primary school and I am a couple of years older than you. Healing, unfortunately, is not like cooking 2 minute noodles - sometimes it can take a long(er) time that we like. There are also some little gems in what you said, like

tries to make a good day for themselves every day.

that is all we can do each day. I had a saying also, about tiding the highs and lows as taking the scenic view in life. The other thing is the moving and living according to your values.

Tim

Hi Tim,

No I'm not after counselling, answers or guidance. I just wanted to voice how it is, to maybe help a couple of the young ones, or whatever age, that they aren't alone, that this is not something no one understands or that it'll get better, or actually go away. I think of the black dog as my friend, that's what I mean with don't fight it, acceptance and understanding is it. Some days are black and your friend the dog will sit on your lap or shoulders, but on so many more days he can be jumping ahead of you with the sun shining down.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Hi Sonnenblume,

No problems. Are you going to hang around for a bit?

Tim