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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Gaming addiction has ruined my life.

Topic: Gaming addiction has ruined my life.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Joycey83
    Joycey83 avatar
    5 posts
    10 August 2019
    My name is Peter and i am 36 years old and i suffer with anxiety & depression. I am extremely worried about my future, i didn't do well at school, i have never had a girlfriend or anyone to love or care for apart from family, i have no friends, i am alone. I don't work, i look at family & friends that i went to school with all living life, married with kids and then there is me, a complete mess. I have been addicted to video games ever since i was a kid and they are the main reason i screwed my life up, i am in a rut and i have no idea what to do. I did not think this way when i was younger, this way of thinking has come as i have gotten older, my mistakes and poor choices in life have hit me hard and the reality of what i have become has effected me greatly. I have a lot of fears & worries that effects my daily life. I am not suicidal but my way of thinking now is very negative, i don't know why i was born or why i was put on this earth, i feel worthless & if i found out tomorrow i had terminal cancer i think i would accept it because just thinking about that i might be on this earth for the next 40 to 50 years living like this, no thanks. I even have thoughts that i wish i actually was born a female, i just think i would have been better as a female, my life might have been different. I hate my life and i hate myself for allowing it to happen, sometimes i just curl up and cry.
  2. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
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    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    11 August 2019 in reply to Joycey83

    Hi Peter,

    I felt so much sadness when I read your words. I sensed your feelings of regret, loneliness and pain. Also, I understand you’re struggling with feelings of low self worth, which is very painful...

    I know gaming has been a huge part of your life, to the point that you now feel addicted to it. I’m wondering if you now use it (not necessarily consciously) to escape current feelings of pain and to fill a void of sorts. I’m not personally addicted to gaming, but speaking generally, I think addictions are often about escapism from emotional pain and/or trying to fill a void or emptiness or loneliness.

    For example, I sometimes rely on alcohol as a form of escapism and avoidance from my own pain. I know that’s not the same as gaming, but in terms of reliance and addiction, I think similar principles of pain escapism can apply to both (to some extent at least).

    I wonder if you have spoken to a professional (e.g. phone counsellor, GP, etc) about this. They might have practical ideas to help you, and be able to provide some personalised emotional support. If you haven’t spoken to a professional, do you think this is something you might like to consider? Just a gentle, little idea...

    Also, I hear your conflicted feelings regarding your birth gender. I know you said that you wish to have been born female...I imagine those feelings would be very confusing and painful...I’m here listening and caring if you wish to talk about that more...

    Sorry, I’m not sure if I’ve been particularly helpful, but I still wanted to try to offer some support. It would be lovely to hear from you again when and if you feel like writing. No pressure though, but just know there’s support and caring here is you need it.

    Kindness and warmth,

    Pepper

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Joycey83
    Joycey83 avatar
    5 posts
    11 August 2019 in reply to Peppermintbach

    Hi Pepper, thank you for your reply. Yes my gaming is not just because of my addiction it is also an escape, i have been doing it for so long it is all i know and i was enjoying it but over these last couple of years i am now seeing what it has done to me, i only wish i had seen it sooner, much sooner. My addiction has made me lazy, i have no confidence, my anxiety is so bad i can't even go out anywhere and enjoy myself, i am now so obsessive compulsive i am constantly checking things to make sure i have put things away properly, my mental state has worsened over the years and i am noticing it more now. Another thing that really hurts me is how my parents have had to watch me waste my life away, i had a good childhood, yes my parents had a lot of problems themselves, there was a lot of break ups, i was very close to my Mum, she helped me so much during my really bad times. My Mum and Dad are now divorced and i don't see Mum now as often as i used to and she is now at the age where she can't help me much anymore. I don't blame my parents at all for how i turned out, i made my own choices.

    This what you have written here Pepper is very much me, this is exactly what gaming is to me.

    I know gaming has been a huge part of your life, to the point that you now feel addicted to it. I’m wondering if you now use it (not necessarily consciously) to escape current feelings of pain and to fill a void of sorts. I’m not personally addicted to gaming, but speaking generally, I think addictions are often about escapism from emotional pain and/or trying to fill a void or emptiness or loneliness.

    I also very much need to talk to someone about everything, i have seen my GP and had a talk to him, i am on medication but a Councellor or Psychologist i do need to see.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Peppermintbach
    Valued Contributor
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    Peppermintbach avatar
    4566 posts
    14 August 2019 in reply to Joycey83

    Hi,

    It’s lovely to hear from you again. But I sense your feelings of sadness, loneliness and regret. I can tell you care about your parents, and that they mean a lot to you...

    I think it’s a beautiful quality that you’re taking ownership of your actions. I absolutely don’t mean that in an accusatory or judgmental way. But I’m trying to (somewhat inarticulately) express how I admire you for taking ownership :)

    As I said before, in my own way, I do understand to some extent. You have your gaming and I have my alcohol...not exactly the same, but they are both ways to escape difficult feelings/fill a void.

    I think it’s great that you’re open to the idea of seeing a psychologist or counsellor. I feel that’s very brave. I wonder if you have discussed that with your GP?

    Sorry, I hope that I’m not telling you things you already you know about. But if you book an extended appointment with your GP, you can ask him/her about the Mental Health Care Plan and see if s/he thinks it’s suitable for you.

    The care plan would entitle you to a certain number of Medicare debatable psychologist sessions. Also if you don’t know which psychologist to see, you could even ask your GP for referrals/recommendations :)

    It would be great to hear how you things go. But of course no pressure, only when and if you feel like talking...

    Kindness and care,

    Pepper

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