... and it's only now I begin to feel lonely enough to care. Sometimes, mostly, I don't care..I potentially only have another 30 years of the same to go if family life expectancy is any guide although I may have some points off for previous 'good' behaviour..or accident.
My life may come to be explained - time permitting, it's long and complicated but the basics now are chronic pain, fights with pain killers, severe loneliness, depression, fights with psychiatrists waving pill bottles and a front door that remains a huge barrier - not to friends, there are none...since about then. Family, ..it's complicated, how unusual, but I shall try to protect the 'innocent'.
My poisons have included pain killers (up to the max).. they almost worked, (I can't remember I was such a zombie.. likewise), and all the lesser strength but equally 'likewise', and very tempting to the beginner unless the doctor starts with a too highly 'pacifying' dose... been there, hhmmn? I have been told that doctors didn't know enough about pain back than to do anything other than hand out the sweets. Patients back then still did as they were told and took said sweets... you know how you can never eat just one chocolate, and too much ...?
Who am I?
Easy ones first, pass awaiting further ..
What am I?
Old, white male, but don't really think so.
Why am I?
here? For now take what you can get as I may have to/want go.
telling more people my story? even I'm sick of it.
Where is the hope and what does it look like? With another 30 years of the same it just looks so bleak.
I xxx xxx xxx once, but I can't now...
I used to have xxx, I could xxx x xxx xx...but I can't anymore.
Apparently I used to be xxx... I can't anymore...
I xxxx ...but guess what? Correct!
This could get boring.
I don't like the mind games spruiked as the latest cure for lost causes.
I didn't think when signing on to the NDIS that I would end up fighting for the services I had been approved for and the people supposed to provide those services - the incompetence and dishonesty has been depressing. A vital person/agency is missing when one is needed most, but then not one has so far provided any of the supports I need.
My space is [ ] and not open to fools
But I know how to self-isolate