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Forums / Welcome and orientation / Isolated for 25 years...

Topic: Isolated for 25 years...

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. aX7
    aX7 avatar
    7 posts
    26 March 2020

    Greetings earthlings,

    ... and it's only now I begin to feel lonely enough to care. Sometimes, mostly, I don't care..I potentially only have another 30 years of the same to go if family life expectancy is any guide although I may have some points off for previous 'good' behaviour..or accident.

    My life may come to be explained - time permitting, it's long and complicated but the basics now are chronic pain, fights with pain killers, severe loneliness, depression, fights with psychiatrists waving pill bottles and a front door that remains a huge barrier - not to friends, there are none...since about then. Family, ..it's complicated, how unusual, but I shall try to protect the 'innocent'.

    My poisons have included pain killers (up to the max).. they almost worked, (I can't remember I was such a zombie.. likewise), and all the lesser strength but equally 'likewise', and very tempting to the beginner unless the doctor starts with a too highly 'pacifying' dose... been there, hhmmn? I have been told that doctors didn't know enough about pain back than to do anything other than hand out the sweets. Patients back then still did as they were told and took said sweets... you know how you can never eat just one chocolate, and too much ...?

    Who am I?
    Easy ones first, pass awaiting further ..
    What am I?
    Old, white male, but don't really think so.
    Why am I?
    here? For now take what you can get as I may have to/want go.
    telling more people my story? even I'm sick of it.
    Where is the hope and what does it look like? With another 30 years of the same it just looks so bleak.

    I xxx xxx xxx once, but I can't now...
    I used to have xxx, I could xxx x xxx xx...but I can't anymore.
    Apparently I used to be xxx... I can't anymore...
    I xxxx ...but guess what? Correct!
    This could get boring.

    I don't like the mind games spruiked as the latest cure for lost causes.
    I didn't think when signing on to the NDIS that I would end up fighting for the services I had been approved for and the people supposed to provide those services - the incompetence and dishonesty has been depressing. A vital person/agency is missing when one is needed most, but then not one has so far provided any of the supports I need.

    My space is [ ] and not open to fools

    But I know how to self-isolate

     

     

     

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
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    Croix avatar
    10358 posts
    26 March 2020 in reply to aX7

    Dear aX7~

    I'd like to welcome you here, you have found a place where the welcome is genuine, that can be at least a measure of understanding, and maybe interest for you. Everyone here is becuse it helps, at least to some degree. Many get specific advice, some give it, some simply interact, no expectations.

    I'm not sure at this stage what you would like, maybe you do not know either. I'm not going to be able to assist wiht the NDIS, that takes more wisdom and experience than I have.

    I must confess I am a little unsure what your situation has been, though obviously it has been painful in many senses, and the future looks like more of the same -bleak.

    If you wanted to talk about your life I'd interested to listen, if you wanted to talk about anything that does please you, or you might enjoy, I'd be more than interested to listen.

    I'll kick off if you like, ex-cop, invalided with the usual suspects of the occupation. Found another career, enjoy books and old movies/TV shows.

    I hope to hear from you again

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. aX7
    aX7 avatar
    7 posts
    29 March 2020 in reply to Croix

    Croix, my thanks. No new careers for me but reading has been an essential daily activity along with cryptic crosswords. Enjoy doesn't really fit.

    I have no idea what I want and have a fear of having my 'life' out in public like this, I've told my story too often to no avail. But I know that having no practical support is making life harder, especially now.

    Given my prospects, motivation is a problem - why bother when nothing will change...I have been with the NDIS since the beginning but still don't have the supports in place that I need and had been funded, where goes the money - it gets taken away when not used...because my coordinator didn't get it organised etc, etc? And where go the shysters who give such magnificent sales pitches then leave me stranded with no contact, or blame me for not doing things the way they want..Choices? Control?

    How I feel varies from minute to minute, my body can be mean to me, so where I post may change but I've stuck my nose in and said hello. I will look around some more and decide

  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10358 posts
    29 March 2020 in reply to aX7

    Dear aX7~

    I have no influence with the NDIS:) - or the case workers and clerks who run it, which is why I'm asking about other things.

    You mentioned you read, do you mind if I ask what sort of things appeal? I nowadays insist on happy endings, also no more ultra-realist cop shows. Instead fantasy, American Gods was the last major book.

    Yes motivation can be a problem, for a long time after I was invalided out of my job I just sat, then I got nagged into doing something and I found it started to occupy my mind.

    There is no need to say more about your circumstances - unless you want. I'd be quite happy if you talked about the inconsequential, whatever you prefer

    Croix

  5. aX7
    aX7 avatar
    7 posts
    22 April 2020 in reply to Croix

    Leopold Bloom would depress you then, it ends (happily) but not what I call a happy ending, War And Peace, done showing off. Brian Greene, a brilliant science communicator...I followed string theory, until the end got a bit convoluted. Gaiman, is one of the "Gods" methinks and Pratchett an able companion quantum thing. Sailing with Napoleon's enemies is a continuing learning read

    I came to the wrong place or with the wrong questions in mind. But I said a bit, I can be forgotten again like the NDIS has done - "Oh, you need help? Thanks for letting us waste your time by making you think we care and/or will do anything to help you". They knew where I was heading, they gave me the money for the services to help, but prevented the actual spending, then reduced funding because it hadn't been spent. But they will still not help me, so, to find that brick wall.

  6. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10358 posts
    22 April 2020 in reply to aX7

    Dear aX7

    The only people I know who have had an appropriate plan and been able to negotiated approved purchases have had very good case managers/peer support workers/ similar to weave around the bureaucratic obstacles. How you stumble over one I don't know.

    You're right, I'm not a fan of Joyce, though at least Bloom had a mustache. Sailing? - Hornblower perhaps? Gaiman is good though Anansi Boys, a sequel/spinoff a bit of a disappointment.

    War and Peace - have you ever seen the TV Mini-series starring Robert Mitchum based upon Wouk's Winds of War, that's enough for me.

    String theory would have be tied up in knots. I used to enjoy Issac Asimov's explanations of science, plus his fiction books too. Shows my vintage I guess.

    On another tack (Napoleonic nautical term?) have you tried the "Laundry Files", a series by Charles Stross about bureaucracy assimilating old gods -unusual. I do like series. Stross did other series too, I particularly recommend the "Halting State" ones.

    Can't help with the heavy stuff , will indulge in light talk anytime you wish

    Croix

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