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Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Topic: Just joined

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. The Black Meeple
    The Black Meeple avatar
    1 posts
    11 April 2020

    Hi Folks,

    I’ve just signed up to this forum and have been reading some of your stories. I am amazed with how supportive and wonderful everybody is here.

    I’m a 41 year old guy who suffers with depression. It’s particularly bad at the moment due to the very recent break up of my marriage and the fact that I am now stuck at home with my ex and we are in each others faces 24/7. I have no income due to the covid-19 situation and nowhere else to go. I mean I have extended family but I I don’t want to be far away from my children. Admittedly, I initiated the break-up but that doesn’t make it any easier. My marriage was making me incredibly unhappy for a very long time and it was an incredibly difficult decision to make.

    I am so sad all of the time now and am struggling to see what the point is with any of it. I am not a suicide risk but I can honestly say that’s only because I have children; I could never do that to them.

    Anyway, I look forward to chatting with you and getting/giving advise and support.

    Peace,

    Meeps

  2. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15291 posts
    12 April 2020 in reply to The Black Meeple

    Hello Meeps, and a warm welcome to the forums, I'm sorry your thread has not been replied to, but this could be because the site has been busy, so your comment passes over to the next page.

    The decision by you to break up with your wife is something I'm sure you had thought about for quite away but not expecting the circumstances we are all in, so you're still under the one roof.

    This makes the situation awkward, but I wonder whether the two of you still 'talk' to each other, I say this because a roster of when you are able to cook could be made, compared to the time she's allowed in the kitchen.

    Can I also ask whether or not you can contact or if you are having counselling?

    I'm sorry for the situation you're in, but try and get the two of you away from each other, but would like to hear back from you.

    Geoff.

  3. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2182 posts
    12 April 2020 in reply to The Black Meeple

    Hi Meeps

    I truly feel for you so much as you face the challenges that have come your way.

    It sounds like you have made an incredible breakthrough - identifying your marriage as that which keeps you down or brings you down. No one really discusses how we're supposed to face the breakthroughs in the way of ongoing positive action or higher consciousness. Without direction, we can be left feeling our way blindly through such breakthroughs, unable to see any significant light.

    Sounds like your focus is very much on your kids. Being Mum to a 14yo boy and 17yo girl, I know how truly amazing kids can be. Took me many years (better late than never) to realise how much my kids have been raising me, in so many ways, over the years. We have a mutual appreciation society happening between the 3 of us. Not only have they helped raise me out of depression either directly or indirectly, they continue to raise me and help me raise myself well above and beyond my depression.

    I believe it's easy to see who we are, through our children. When we raise them to a smile, we are someone who instills joy and happiness. When we raise them to excitement, we are an exciting person (someone who excites). When we raise them to a sense of self love, we are someone who gifts them the ability to see their true value. There are times when they will also give to us, in their efforts to raise us to joy, excitement and a sense of self love. Needless to say, our kids certainly raise us to many great challenges which can just about lead us to tear our hair out. In this case, the challenge is to open our mind, experience understanding and work on a way forward together (raise each other).

    Is it possible to focus on a number of ways you and the kids could raise each other? Could you become a walking team (getting 'outside the house' time)? A benefit to this may be found in taking the time to recognise a lot of the finer details on your walk, even stopping to smell the flowers (metaphorically and literally). This sensory exercise can also be a welcomed distraction from that self defeating voice in our head. Do your kids have certain gifts which can help you open/change your mind? One might be a bit of an artist, another might be a passionate gardener (who's been hassling for a vegie garden). Perhaps there is an eager young chef.

    If you can see this time as your kids helping you to further break through a mindset that tortures you, you may come to gradually feel forever indebted to them.

    :)

  4. Lazlo
    Lazlo avatar
    25 posts
    12 April 2020 in reply to The Black Meeple

    Hi Meeps,

    Your situation is so much like what I'm going through at the moment. You have made a big, positive step in joining the forum. I've only been around here for a about a week but seeing the level of support that is provided is very reassuring. I hope you find the help you're looking for.

    Take care

    Adrian

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