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Forums / Welcome and orientation / New here, old anxieties :)

Topic: New here, old anxieties :)

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Emmy47
    Emmy47 avatar
    1 posts
    15 November 2021

    Hey!

    Not sure where to start, but Ive had issues with anxiety and depression for awhile now. I was closer than ever recently to seeking help but the office didn't have any openings so I kinda just stopped. But I just finished my first year of uni today, yet I feel worse and so unsure of what I will be doing for the summer. Yesterday this guy at my college asked me out, I panicked and said I would get back to him. Then I felt bad and today told him I would go out with him. Since then Ive been avoiding him and I just feel horrible. Im not in the place to date right now but I feel horrible for telling him I would. Everyone keeps telling me to just go on a date but I feel like I can't breath. I don't think I can date a guy I don't know well.

    I just don't know what to do, I want to just run away I feel like such a horrible person.

    Well I hope everyones having a good day

  2. HappyHelper88
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    HappyHelper88 avatar
    169 posts
    15 November 2021 in reply to Emmy47

    Hello Emmy47 Thankyou for posting,

    Its not easy to start but thanks for taking that first step, Im so sorry you weren't able to see someone I have heard a lot of places have become full recently and its been hard to get appointments

    Congratulations on finishing your first year! I think you deserve a break and time to relax
    I have always had trouble saying no and had similar situations that caused me so much anxiety, I found it hard to say what I really thought in person but would do it over text, was the only way to be able to tell someone my thoughts.
    No one wants to be messed around or led on and maybe he could sense your reluctancy too....the best thing to do would be just to straight out tell him (over text if you want) you really appreciated him asking you out but your not in the right place to date now and you need time, he should understand and if not he's not someone you want

    Be patient and kind with yourself and listen to your mind and body :)

    Your not a horrible person at all and definitely not the first person to feel like this
    I hope this helps, feel free to reach out at any time....I know you couldn't get in to see someone but If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Mishmo
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    Mishmo avatar
    50 posts
    15 November 2021 in reply to Emmy47

    Go Emmy, first I'd love to say congrats on finishing your first year of your uni degree. Go YOU!!

    Seeking help is always the best thing to do... and knowing you need to do so is awesome. We all struggle at times in doing just this. I hope you find the right help soon.

    I am sure you are having many uncontrollable feels for sure, you have done so much and now trying to find your feet?! Thats never easy. But how lovely yo have been asked on a date. But I definitely can understand the 'not in a place to date'. I feel like I never have been and never will be haha. But trust your inner self and if it doesnt feel right, or not the right time for you, just tell him this. And if he is willing to wait and happy to just be a friend for now then thats great?! Someone who is willing to wait would be worth my time, and gives you time to get to know him more on a friendship level? I dunno, just my thoughts anyways, what I would do.

    I too am unsure what I will do for summer, just glad me may be able to actually do something here on Victoria. So needing it, get out and enjoy some nature. What do you normally enjoy at summer times?

  4. smallwolf
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    smallwolf avatar
    5897 posts
    15 November 2021 in reply to Emmy47

    hello and welcome.

    well done for getting through the first year.

    are there any counseling services you can access at Uni?

    I have conflicting views here and only because of something my psychologist told me. My initial thought was to tell him that you are not looking for a relationship.

    And that was when the voice of my psychologist (and psychiatrist) came up and said and suggested otherwise. Their logic is that by doing something where you can be around others can be helpful to reduce effects of depression even if temporarily.

    with that said... I would still bail as I would not want to be around others when feeling low.

    You said that you don't know him that well... going out with him will allow you get to know him a little better. And you might find that (a) he is a nice person you might want a relationship with or (b) you have different ideas and values and therefore no relationship. A person might go from group (a) to group (b) after 2 dates?

    He seemed to want to get to know you more and sees something in you. On the other hand, you feel you are not ready.

    If you decide to go out there is uncertainty with what will happen. If you don't go out, you know the outcome.

    Is it the uncertainty that concerns you?

    There are no right or wrong answers here.

  5. geoff
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    16 November 2021 in reply to Emmy47

    Hello Emmy, and a warm welcome to the site.

    When someone asks you out it's easy to say yes because you're caught up in the moment, but before you actually make this commitment, say 'let's have coffee first' or agree to have lunch when you are limited for time, like in a couple of hours you have an appointment for something, then you aren't tired up with them if you don't want to.

    Remember it's up to you to feel comfortable and not under any pressure.

    Geoff.

  6. Petal22
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    1549 posts
    16 November 2021 in reply to Emmy47

    Hi Emmy47,

    Wellcome to our forums!

    Im sorry you have had difficulties with anxiety and depression I understand they are difficult to deal with.

    Have you thought about speaking to your Gp ? you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist who can give you many strategies for anxiety. Having these strategies are really useful through out your life….

    That’s nice you were asked out but if your really not wanting to go out with this person just be honest with them and let them know that your not ready and that’s ok! It doesn’t make you a horrible person sometimes when we are put on the spot we don’t know what to say and sometimes to please someone we say yes.

    But you don’t have to be a people pleaser…… just say no if that’s your decision……… just say it in a nice way 😊

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