Hello all, I am new to this forum. I have been a perfectionist throughout my life and cannot stand it when things are not done my way. I recently had a baby who turned 6 weeks old today. I have a LOT of family help, as both mum and mother-in-law live with us. However, recently I can't seem to stand anything that my mother-in-law does. Everything she does gets on to my nerves and I have the deep urge to redo things. It is partly because I feel like I can do things better, e.g. in the kitchen or baby stuff and partly because she is adamant and set on how she wants to do things despite knowing that I dont like it. Also both mums seem to get into arguments all the time, which also annoys me. I constantly keep feeling that I cant live my life the way I want and that I am being ruled in my own house. I want to have my own space which is also impossible as the mums stay with us permanently. I don't know how to move on and ignore these issues and to make the time with my newborn more enjoyable.

Hi Curiousmind and warm welcome to Beyond Blue

So pleased you've found your way to our forums. How difficult things are for you? I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to live with both my mother and mother-in-law. The mind boggles.

It would seem you and your partner are very generous to have both living with you. That is very good of you. How supportive is your partner? Are you able to talk to your partner about what is happening? There are a few things you may need to consider -

• do you have external support for yourself, e.g. a doctor or health professional who you can talk to about your perfectionist mind?
• with the support of your partner are you able to set house rules for both the mums?
• do you know about - PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia) - phone 1300 726 306 and Parentline phone 1300 301 300? Both these organisations give support to new parents.

Hope some of this helps Curiousmind. You're not alone. Keep reaching out here, if and when you want. No pressure.

Kind regards

PamelaR

curiousmind,

I too want to welcome you to the forum.

Pamela has written a supportive and helpful reply .

I have been a mum with a young baby coping with a mother and mother in law but not permanently and now I am a mother in law.

You are coping with a trick situation that has both mums staying with you. I am wondering if you could get both of them to help you doing things you are ok with them doing. maybe all four of you may need to sit down and work out a plan with guidelines and boundaries with everyone listening . . As Pamela mentioned working out house rules is a good idea.

I thinking having the two grandmas argue is not good for you or for your baby. Maybe if you can explain to them how their arguments affect you but you know they love you and your baby.

How do you think you can make this work ?

Does your mum and your mother in law help with cleaning and cooking?

Having a baby makes one tired and sometimes nervous, you have a lot of support you just need to communicate with them to work out how you can all live together.

Quirky