Hey everyone ^-^ I've been having a rough time trying to deal with my anxiety lately and even though its quite selfish of me I thought I should share and relieve some of the mental tension that's been eating away at my brain. At one point I'll feel perfectly fine and happy and then my mood rapidly drops and I treat the people I love horribly. I hate that I act like this, even more so because I'm so scared of the way people think of me and the guilt of making them unhappy, and yet it feels like an unstoppable force. Am I just a horrible person? Why can't I stop? Whenever I feel like this I try to stop talking to people but in the end they get offended because of it. I can't let go of things, I regret the things I've done and I'm scared of making mistakes. That my friends will leave me if I don't agree with them, that they'll abandon me for the stupid things I think and say, and once I do say something that they'll know me as the horrible person that I am...THAT ruins me. I'm starting uni this month and the feeling of finally starting a new stage of my life is like a double-edged sword. While I'm excited that I'll be trying out new clubs and hanging out with new people, I'm scared that once I make a wrong move they'll leave me behind. I'm scared that I won't be able to make a truly gratifying, soul-connecting relationship with anyone in my life. I'm scared of everything that is my future and everything that is my past. I made a mistake today to so many of my friends and family, and while I know I should love myself, part of me hates myself with a burning passion. Part of me wishes I never existed(it's selfish I know I'm sorry), I want to live without caring about these things like others too, and yet here I am. I'm getting therapy at the moment, but even with the coping skills I've used I don't think I could ever stop overthinking, or simply stop obsessing over what others think of me.