I'm a year 12 who keeps to herself and focuses hard on studies. As of lately, I'm unable to react to social situations, entertainment or just anything that people say to me. I don't find joy in this stuff and lost interest in my old hobbies (video games). These days, I'm studying hard, watching stuff or asleep. I can't even remember the last time I laughed genuinely (I smile politely or fake my laugh) As a result, people find me very awkward and boring or fake and so it became difficult to socialise with new people. Previously, I've been called out before for having no personality but dismissed it since I'm naturally quiet. However, I realised other quiet people react to stuff and have better social lives, which made me reflect upon myself. Now, I'm concerned that I'm incapable of reacting, having no personality and just having fewer emotions as a whole.
This was a problem I always had but failed to notice it until HSC started. I believe this has happened since year 9 though, my old friends commented that I changed in that year. Examples of me not reacting: A person claimed my crush liked me and I replied with an "oh" (she even asked why I'm not reacting). Another example included a person talking to me about a problem of hers, in which I listened with a blank face (she even muttered 'that was boring'). In general, I don't react to videos or topics people try to talk about with me. The only topics I actively engage in would be HSC or school stuff (another reason why I feel like a robot, I mostly inform people)
Since then, I've become super self-conscious about the way I converse with others which worsened my social anxiety (I was already shy and self-conscious). It came to the point that I even actively try to minimise my interactions with acquaintances, simply because I'm scared of being judged for my robotic type of personality. I have always been judged since chilehood for my introverted nature, I don't want to risk worsening their impressions of me.
Sometimes, I ask my best friend for reassurance that I have a personality. He says I have a silent type of personality, but I feel like there's a deeper reason for this. I'm scared there's probably a mental issue hidden but it's honestly difficult to tell. Moreover, the way people judge me makes me feel like it's a huge flaw, which doesn't help my self-esteem at all.
I'm sorry if this is all over the place, but I just wanted to voice out my thoughts and i'm feeling so confused about this.