So this past year I’ve been feeling pretty lonely. I’m in year 11 and have had some drama in my friend group (and I really just can’t deal with drama). When I’m sitting with my group I feel like I’m not funny enough to say anything or interesting enough to talk. At lunch we often sit in a circle and then sort of pair off into our own mini conversations but I feel like I’m never really talking to someone. I just eat my lunch in silence and then try to walk around and talk to others, to no avail though.
I feel like everyone in the group just clicks and although I have sat with them for my whole school life, I have never felt like this before. It’s almost like I’m just unsatisfied with my friendships with them. Don’t get me wrong, they are great people but sometimes I feel a bit lonely when I’m with them.
A particular moment that got me down recently was that in class we had to go into groups of two on a table to practice social distancing. This seemed easy enough as my friends and I had 6 people in the class, easily able to split into pairs. Yet three of them begged to stay together whilst the other two paired off with each other. My teacher gave in and said it was fine for them three to be together, but that just left me alone.
Ive considered moving groups but I haven’t really found any one that I get along with as well as I did with my current group (before I felt all this).
I’m also really scared of losing friends. This past year, three of my friends have left the group to sit with other people. Each time someone left, I have felt so heart broken and sick to my stomach that I would sit in the bathroom and cry. To be honest, I feel so silly that I react the way I do when I hear someone is leaving, but it’s like I get an overwhelming wave of panic each time I found out that someone is leaving the group.
Sorry that this was so long, I honestly needed to rant :)