Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / BB Social Zone / Mother's Day 2015

Topic: Mother's Day 2015

  1. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 April 2015

    Hi everyone. Mother's Day can mean so many things to different people. I am wondering how you all think about Mother's Day?

    Do you have a close relationship with your Mum, Nana, Grandma, Mother in law, Aunty or a lady in your life who is like a Mother to you?

    If you are a Mum, how do you feel about that role in your life? If you have never been a Mum due to choice or circumstances, how does that make you feel?

    For me, Mother's Day can be a sad and lonely time, and at the same time I can celebrate with my Mum and my Mother in law.

    Am I a Mum? Yes and no. I have been pregnant 5 times but have no live children.

    I have a Mum whom I try so hard to love and care for but who also has mental health issues so the relationship is often strained and hard to live with at times. It seems often that Mum is not aware of how much pain she causes people. But she is still my Mum.

    So are you looking forward to Mother's Day or are you dreading it?

    If it is the latter, then try to come up with things you can do now to ensure you do not feel too much sadness, regret, misery and pain on Mother's Day.

    We will be catching up with my Mother in law this year and I will phone my Mum as she lives too far away for me to visit unless I stay over night. I will be thinking of my babies with lots of love and may mark the day with flowers for myself, or I may light some candles.

    I will leave this for now and see what replies I receive.

    Cheerio for now, from Mrs. Dools,   Lauren

     

     

     

    3 people found this helpful
  2. TheSteve
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    TheSteve avatar
    281 posts
    30 April 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Happy Mothers Day all of you mums out there. I hope you all get to enjoy it with your families, friends, and people you care about.

    Doolhof, thanks for sharing. Although the conditions present at the time did not ripen to bring you a child, you are very much loved here at BB. Not only this, just like a mother you have given love, empathy, care, and guidance to many here. Like a mother, you have changed and impacted lives for the better. For this, I would like to thank you and wish you a wonderful mothers day also.

    Steve

    2 people found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15594 posts
    30 April 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    dear Lauren, I couldn't possibly imagine the thought of losing each individual pregnancy five times, it must have been horrendous for you, and the support that you needed was perhaps minimal, trying to understand 'why could this happen to me', and then trying to work out why people don't really understand the pain that you are actually going through.

    There is nothing that I can ever say to you that will be able to appease your mind from one year to the next, as I sit here pondering what else I can say to you in total sympathy, but I can tell you that you have friends here that truly understand the pain that you will have to face.

    My sincere thoughts and warmest condolences are always with you.

    (I don't have anyone who I can wish a Happy Mothers Day.) Love Geoff. xx

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    30 April 2015 in reply to TheSteve

    Dear Steve and Geoff,

    Thank you so very much for your lovely, kind, thoughtful and encouraging words.

    Over the years I have had the wonderful opportunity to love and care for many children. Some have been family members, others the children of friends, and I also worked in a playgroup years ago. I am still in contact with some of the Mums and their children all these years later.

    I have been so very blessed in many ways. I have a fantastic relationship with my nieces and they still love to hang out at our home and have Easter Egg hunts even though they are 18 and 22 years old.

    Having faith in God, I do believe that I will see my children when I arrive in Heaven, so they are never lost to me forever. They live on in my heart always. One blessing is that they have never been subjected to the pains and hurts of life.

    Thank you so much Steve for your very warm and tender words.

    Love and hugs to you all from Mrs. Dools,  or Lauren

     

    2 people found this helpful
  5. TheSteve
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    TheSteve avatar
    281 posts
    1 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    You're a special person Lauren and have positively effected the lives of many. Never lose sight of this, as we won't.

    Steve

     

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    1 May 2015 in reply to TheSteve

    Hey Steve,

    Thanks.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    5 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I was very close to my mum, she was a kind and good-hearted person. a great friend. She died suddenly in 2009. Now, I feel a bit sad as Mother's Day approaches, that she is gone, but happy that the tradition continues for others.

    You can't replace your mother, of course, but every now and then, I find, you meet people who treat you with similar generosity. And this reminds you of her.

    A great Mother's Day to you and all.

    from TMB

    p.s. I'm travelling ok, hope you are too.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. July
    July avatar
    243 posts
    5 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I am sorry for your losses, and yes you are a mother, you conceived and carried those  little souls until their journey ended so don't doubt that you are a mother, you will be their mother always.

    I was blessed to have four children but have also had three miscarriages, I will always remember them, how far I was, when they were due, the heartbreak of never seeing their beautiful faces or feeling the warmth of their body against mine, it never goes away, and I don't want it to go away either, they were part of my journey here in this life .

    You don't have to "give birth" to be a mother, mothering is an "act ", of giving love and  care and nurturing  another, to protect and guide ,that to me is a mother.

    On mothers day have quiet moment for all the little ones who did not stay on this earth, an acknowledgement of their existence is all we ask for.

    My heart feels for you and sometimes this day is painful for people to, it is not always a "happy day" it brings back memories of what could have been , and I hope you have a beautiful peaceful day.

    All the best

    July

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    9 May 2015 in reply to July

    Dear July,

    Thanks so very much for your very kind words.

    I know I have been so very blessed over the years by having so many different children in my life.

    Two of our babies were stillborn, one at 20 weeks and the other at 21 weeks. I had each of them in hospital with me for less than 24 hours before they were taken away and sent to a morgue ready for burial.

    I treasured those few short hours I was able to hold our babies and look at them. They were so perfect. Not a thing wrong with them only they were born so early and could not survive.

    I have special roses in the garden in honour of our children. They will always be in my heart.

    Mother's Day! Yes. It can be a bitter sweet time for so many people. A time of memories, good and bad maybe, filled with what ifs and maybe regrets.

    I will enjoy my day tomorrow, and will try to make it special for my mother-in-law and will also phone and chat with my Mum.

    Thinking of you all, cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  10. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    9 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    I haven't checked out this thread for a couple of days. I am so sorry to read that your Mum died suddenly and you no longer have her with you.

    My Mum is still alive and I do love her even though I find her very hard to understand at times.

    During my life I have been blessed with two other ladies who have been like Mum's to me. One died aged about 50 due to a car accident, the other in her late 80s due to cancer. I so loved the older lady so much.

    Her name was Jo. When I was having a rough time with my husband it was Jo whose shoulder I cried on and whose home I stayed at. I could talk with Jo about anything. We laughed and cried together. I so miss her.

    I will be thinking of you TMB tomorrow as you no doubt think of your Mum.

    Love and hugs to you from Mrs. Dools

     

  11. HA1
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    HA1 avatar
    566 posts
    10 May 2015

    Happy mothers day to all those mums out there!  I hope you have received your hugs this morning - and if you haven't, here is a cyber hug!  Hug :)

    Have a lovely day!

    K

  12. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    10 May 2015 in reply to HA1

    Hi K,

    I am a Mother of sorts, so I will accept your hugs, thanks.

    I had a lovely day with my husband's family and also a friend of mine who didn't have any where to go today for Mother's Day. She fitted in just fine and chatted away all afternoon.

    I phoned my Mum as well as she lives too far away to visit unless I stayed over night. Poor excuse maybe, but it was easier to phone her, send a card and some money so she could go out for lunch with Dad if she wanted to.

    Cheers for now, from Lauren Mrs. Dools 

     

  13. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    11 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I hope you had a terrific time on Sunday (am just reading in your post that you did). Two friends and I visited one of their mothers who is in a Nursing home and that went well... We all had a good time. I thought about my mum at times during the day but it was all good stuff.

    Thanks for telling me about your mum and the 2 ladies that were like mums to you. I can see why you miss them and especially your great friend Jo. Very sorry for your losses.

    All the best to you Mrs Dools 

    Kind thoughts

    TMB

  14. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    12 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    It was lovely you accompanied your friends in visiting in the nursing home. That is not always an easy thing to do in the first place! Guess it depends on the health of the person you are visiting.

    I worked in an aged care facility for ten years. I grew very attached to so many of the people there.

    My dear friend Jo was such a wonderful blessing to me. I do miss her so much.

    I thought of our babies who never managed to live and had a few tears on Sunday. I lit candles on Mother's day in their memory and also for Jo and Barbara.

    Do you have any special way you like to celebrate the life of your Mum or is it all still too raw for you?

    I hope it doesn't upset you too much mentioning your Mum.

    Cyber hugs to you, from Mrs. Dools

     

  15. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    12 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    The lady I visited in the nursing home was fit and healthy which was good. There were quite a few other poor souls who were very old and incapacitated. What kind of work did you do in the aged care facility, if you don't mind me asking?

    I can understand how you could become attached to the people where you worked and to your friends, Jo and Barbara. You must miss them a lot. Lighting candles on the day sounds very appropriate for your babies too.

    I don't really celebrate Mum's life except to think of her at Xmas and Mother's Day and her birthday. I do think about her every now and then as well. She would have been 81 this month. I do have a letter from her that she left for me that I got after she died that I read now and then. It is short and simple but very special.

    I have no other family except a twin brother but we don't talk (a long story). So, that's another reason why I don't celebrate.

    It doesn't bother me talking about my mother but thanks for the thought.

    All the best to you Mrs Dools

    Cyber hugs to you, too.

    TMB

  16. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    13 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    I used to enjoy my work in the home for the elderly until I hurt my back quite badly. I worked in what used to be called the Hostel section of the home, now I think it is called Low Care compared to High Care where the more dependent people live.

    My title was aged care assistance, only we didn't assist any one, we were it unless we called the Dr. or the ambulance in. I mainly worked the afternoon shift, so there were two of us for about 60 or more residents.

    In those days we handed out medication, showered, changed dressings, did enemas and so on, even more than an enrolled nurse did in a hospital. My sister who was a RN at the time was horrified at how much we were able to do.

    I enjoyed assisting the residents with dementia as well. As my husband worked afternoon shift and I was only part time, I had plenty of evenings free, so myself and another staff member would take the work van and a few residents and take them for a drive down to the beach in the summer where we would all have ice creams.

    These days you need qualifications and certificates for everything. So even though I worked in aged care for 10 years, f I now wanted to assisted a client with personal care, I need to return to "school" and obtain a certificate to do so.

    Did you want to chat about your twin brother, or is that a subject you steer clear of?

    Hope you have had a good day. I am about to attend the weekly Country Fire Service Training where we will be learning about the Jaws Of Life tonight at a different station.

    Cheers for now and best wishes to you, from Mrs,. Dools 

     

     

     

  17. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    14 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    Thanks for telling me all about your work at the home for the elderly. It sounds like it was a very responsible job with a lot to do. Did you hurt your back at work? Did you have to finish work because of it? Ice creams at the beach sounds like a terrific way to unwind...

    It's a shame how one must be qualified these days with, in a lot of cases, little regard for work/life experience. I worked as a volunteer for a psychiatric rehab. association for 10 years and learned a lot about MI and the mentally ill  but I didn't get any credentials. I think experience is worth something though. Look at mums, they work hard!

    Can you explain? The Jaws of Life? what this means, please?

    I can chat about my twin brother, that's ok. It is a good chance to vent as I don't speak about it very often.

    Being fraternal twins meant we were very close but at times we were a bit hostile towards one another too. I remember we didn't speak to each other for 2 years once, then when I came back from a lengthy overseas holiday, all was forgiven and forgotten. Since that time we have shared accommodation in Sydney, worked together and visited  most of the city's nightspots etc.

    It was around this time, 1990, when my problems with depression began to surface although I think it had been building for quite a while. A year or so later, I had a breakdown and was hospitalized for 2 months. My brother and I went our separate ways but we kept in touch.

    18 or so years later, I was having difficulty where I was living and my brother came to my assistance. He took me to Sydney then after a month or so to my parent's place (mum had just died). Later, I got a place in town of my own and my brother stayed too but we fought a lot. I was still unwell with depression.

    I moved to yet another place, sharing with 2 others. My brother rang one day, out of the blue, at once telling me a tale of woe about the situation he was in. Very depressed, I couldn't cope with what he was telling me and so I said little. A few days later he arrived, took his gear that he had stored at my place, and left without a word.

    2 years passed and one day I received an email. It was my brother. It was a very short note saying he'd like to meet up as he was coming up to my area in a few weeks time. I replied, friendly but a little cautiously, and he never wrote back. That was about a year ago.

    I'd like to be on good terms with my brother but haven't tried to contact him yet. I am waiting for full recovery from my depression. I guess I think in a way it's up to him to forgive me but the whole thing weighs heavily on me at times.

    Well, Mrs Dools, I hope I haven't written too much here. Please let me know if I have.

    It's nice and sunny here today, I'm off for a walk down the street. Wishing you a terrific day!

    All the Best

    from TMB

  18. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    14 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Depression can be a very difficult illness to understand, both from the sufferers perspective and from someone looking at a person with the illness.

    Regarding your twin brother, it seems there has been a bit of misunderstanding. From what I have read in your story he has tried to help you in the past, and when he called out to you, due to your depression, you were unable to be there for him. This may have upset him.

    When we are depressed it is so hard to keep ourselves on track at times, let alone being able to reach out to assist anyone else. Can you explain this to your brother?

    As your relationship has been a bit troubled in the past, it may take a couple of approaches to your brother before he will accept or understand your side of the events.

    Relationships are difficult at the best of times. My husband has recently been very depressed and I have tried to be very supportive, loving and caring. If I tell him I am really struggling and having a bad day, he will just say: "that is no good dear" and just walks away.

    Some days I want to yell and scream at him and ask him why he can't see or accept my pain and try to help.

    Forgiveness, love and care...sometimes it doesn't work both ways.

    Try to contact your brother now rather than later. Not wanting to dampen your spirits regarding kicking depression, but it might be around for a long time. I would not want to miss the opportunity to say "I am sorry if I have hurt you, I was not in the place to assist you at that time due to my depression. Can we catch up?"

    At least you will have made an effort and it will make you feel better inside.

    Regarding work, I was ordered to lift a resident out of a wheelchair and into a bath. I was told if I didn't do so I could look for a job else where! At the time our home interest rate was 18 percent. I stayed at work and messed up my back big time.

    Work Cover kept pushing too until I ended up in hospital having an operation on my back. Now I live on Morphine patches and various pain killers so I can work and support my husband who has been out of work for two years.

    I will be a bit cheeky and start another post to explain the "Jaws of Life"

    I hope that chatting about your brother has helped a little. It benefits me to chat about some of the stuff in my life.

    Thinking of you, from Mrs. Dools

     

  19. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    14 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi again TMB,

    Jaws of Life are part of a group of heavy duty tools and equipment used in Road Crash Incidents.

    I try to assist the local Country Fire Service when I can. We had training at a different station, as they have a special truck fitted out with equipment for Road Crashes, where as we don't.

    We learnt what all the equipment was called and where it is stored in their truck so if we attend a road crash along with them, we will know what they require off the truck.

    The Jaws of life is device you could jam into a door frame and with pressure it opens up and will force the door open.

    They also have a large pair of "scissors" that works like a can opener. They can cut through any part of a car frame.

    I've only attended one road crash so far and that was mainly to just help clean up after the guys had been airlifted to hospital via a helicopter.

    We have just as many women in our brigade as guys, and people aged from just over 70 to 18.

    We all do it voluntary at our level.

    Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

  20. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    15 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    Thanks for helping me with your very useful feedback regarding my brother.

    What you said about the nature of depression and relationships made perfect sense to me. It is very hard to help others when you are so depressed you can hardly look after yourself (much to one's dismay).

    I agree with you that it could take repeated attempts in order for my brother to understand exactly where I am coming from but that's ok. I am willing to try. I will think about what you have said about contacting him now, rather than later. I am a bit reluctant to contact him straightaway, my illness is still pretty bad but I realize I need to act as soon as possible. It would be good for him, I trust, and for me too.

    Very sorry to hear of your husband's depression. I can identify with his behaviour and I really feel for you in this situation. It must be extremely frustrating for you at times.

    Also, I am very sorry to learn about your back injury. How dare your boss threaten you like that! What a hide! And since that time you have had an operation and are now on morphine patches and pain killers!! It's a wonder how you cope. As well you have to work and support your husband! A superhuman effort Mrs Dools. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of work do you do? On top of this you volunteer with your local Country Fire Service and your work, for lack of a better word, with Beyond Blue.

    I am not working at present. My first job was as a metallurgist working in the steel industry. My last was as a Residential Support worker for people with a mental illness. The last few years I have studied with Open Universities and with Open Colleges. Now, I am trying to learn all about scriptwriting. I can study for a few hours a day, my concentration is not the best but it is getting a lot better. Actually writing posts etc at Beyond Blue is helping.

    I imagine attending a road crash scene could be pretty horrific but it is such admirable work, I think. Satisfying too. Best of luck with it and your brigade and thanks for explaining about "Jaws of Life" etc. to me.

    Once again, thanks heaps for advising me about my brother. You have great insight and wisdom. Most of all, I appreciate your non-judgemental stance and the excellent advice you gave.

    Bye for now and all the best

    TMB

    1 person found this helpful
  21. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    15 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Thanks for your wonderful post. I do try to be non judgemental in all areas of my life. I try to live a Christian life style and I am the first to admit that I mess up often. It is not for me to judge anyone...it doesn't mean that I don't ever do so, I just don't voice my opinions.

    I grew up in a family where there was very little love or care, and I wanted to change that in my life.

    Regarding your brother, depression, people not understanding and struggles in general, my in laws just don't understand depression or long term grief. I have learnt to realise they are not there for me in that sphere of life, so I have to let go of my expectations. They are just unable to provide the support I need from them.

    As I mentioned earlier, I worked in an aged care facility, I have worked in shops and in child care, now I have returned to aged care. Now I work in the elderly person's home and I do what ever they need done to help them stay at home.

    Sometimes I take the elderly shopping, to the chemist, the Dr. and that sort of thing. I generally do cleaning for them.

    One of my friends actually asked me the other day if I found my work satisfying, and I told him that yes I do. For example, I cleaned for a lady for the first time, and when I had finished she was actually crying and told me how beautiful her home looked! To me that is worth more than a huge pay packet!

    To be honest, some days I do wonder what the heck I am doing and wish I had taken a different path in life, but then tell myself that "What if" and "regrets" are a waste of energy and happiness.

    I've prattled on about myself and my character limit is just about used up! Ha. Ha.

    Do you have a passion for any particular type, style or topic for script writing? A friend of mine is very involved in the local theatre/play productions. I am hoping to go and see one of his plays soon.

    All the best with your studies. Are you studying online? Would it be possible for you to say study for three hours, go for a walk then return to your study. A walk helps me to clear my head.

    I admire you for having worked as a Residential Support Worker for the mentally ill. That must have really opened your eyes to the struggles some people go through.

    A few years ago I spent two weeks in a mental health unit as a patient and that really opened my eyes! Ha. Ha.

    Thanks again for your wonderful words, encouragement and kind thoughts.

    Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

     

  22. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    17 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I'm just going through your great post once again...

    I too try to practice non-judgement with regards people. It helps me to not judge myself! which is very desirable since I unhealthily did a lot of that in my youth. Have you found this to be true for yourself?

    My childhood was very happy although my brother says I just blocked it all out, the bad stuff that is. You can tell me more about your childhood if you like. I agree with you that very few people do understand depression and therefore the average person with little to no experience often can't help a lot. I have found solace in several friends who had a MI but even then the closest understanding I've found has been at BB just by reading the posts etc. There's a recent post in Inspirational Quotes to do with loneliness by Jung that nails it for me! You may have seen it.

    What a reward! priceless!...the gratitude from your aged care work. You can't beat that. And to do with alternative life choices I say, I am what I am and that's me. I can't be any different to the way I am. Nor would I want to be. In other words I try to accept myself as is.

    Prattling is perfectly ok! Ha! It's a good way to learn more about you. But now, it's my turn...lol

    That'd be great to watch a play by your friend. Does he have a specific genre? I have a passion for writing a script about some of my experiences with MI. I guess you may be thinking "Now, that's a tall order", I know it is. But it's something I really want to try. I have this need to tell my story and I love films and would love to write a proper screenplay. The task is daunting but it's there. I don't really care if it's not successful. That would be nice but just writing it would be phenomenal and would give me great satisfaction. A real challenge! Do you have any other passions?

    I have finished studying online. I got my Certificate in Professional Screenwriting a while ago and now I am self-taught. I've purchased 10 or so "How to write a screenplay" books from the internet and I'm going through them 1 by 1. I find them very interesting with lots of practical exercises to complete. I'm learning!

    I agree with you and try to get out for a good walk each day and it does clear the mind.

    How's this for prattling? Ha Ha. Just a bit more...

    Yes, being a Residential Support Worker did open my eyes to others struggles. However, doing 10 yrs voluntary work at a psychiatric rehab organization was even more so. I met people with all sorts of mental illnesses and from all walks of life, many suffered greatly and some didn't make it. It was a real education!

    Only if you would like to, please tell me more about your 2 weeks in a mental health unit and why it was an eye-opener?

    Thanks for your very interesting post and for giving me the opportunity to talk about my passion. It feels great to express myself to someone especially someone who understands.

    All the Best

    TMB

  23. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    19 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    There are so many points in your last post that I could chat away about for ages!

    I think it would be wonderful if you were able to write a screenplay about MI. You could certainly use your own experiences and those you have witnessed while caring for others.

    Would you want it to be  a serious screen play, or would you swerve more towards it being  a type of comedy, dark or not?

    I have a dreadful time now and then with my memory. A friend just sent me an email thanking me for sending her a card. I didn't even remember I had sent her a card! Ha. Ha.

    I have a great laugh with my nieces when I forget things. One niece was wearing a necklace I really liked and I asked her where she got it from. It ended up I had given it to her for her recent birthday! Same with a scarf I made my sister, I asked if she had made it and did she have the pattern?

    Just one of those things. So if I was to write a screen play about my mental illness issues, I think it would have some comedy in it.

    My two weeks in the mental health unit were an eye opened in many ways. Firstly when I phoned and told my husband I was actually in the Emergency Dept of the hospital, he asked me why. I told him I'd had a mental breakdown and I was taken there by ambulance with a police escort.

    I spent three days in the emergency area waiting for a bed in the mental health unit to start with. When I was told I would be there for two weeks, my husband asked who would be doing his washing, ironing and cooking while I was in there!

    I didn't find the staff to be very helpful at all. I was able to see a nurse for 5 minutes each morning and that was it. My fellow patients were more helpful.

    We had to make our own beds and the shared bathrooms weren't all that clean. I was given the wrong medication a couple of times.

    Some of my fellow patients had huge issues. Anger wasn't tolerated. One lady was a bit verbal, she was dragged to her room by 4 to 6 men and was apparently jabbed with something that made her like a zombie for the rest of the day.

    If you needed to talk, you talked to your fellow patients, they cared, they were there for you. We organised our own distractions and entertainment. At least those of us who were capable participated.

    There were some very shattered, mixed up, damaged and broken people there.

    I had a bed. I was fed. There was a washing machine we could all use.

    Run out of letters!

    Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

     

  24. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    20 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    Since I had so many last time, this time I am trying to keep my questions etc down to a minimum...ha ha!

    Thanks for your encouragement re: writing my screenplay. I must admit I'm a bit short of time lately because of my "BB work". I need to get faster!

    Re: my screenplay, I have yet to decide whether writing about my time in hospital will suffice or if I will need to include other events throughout my life. I have already written a book (not published) which I will use for material. I am starting with a "serious" screenplay but the inevitable funny bits will emerge, I suppose.

    I had to laugh at some of your stories about your memory (sorry) but funnily enough mine has been playing up lately too. I mentally grasp for a word or a name and though I should know it, it evades me. This has happened several times lately. Old age eh?

    Thanks for telling me about your 2 week stay in the mental health unit, your grand entrance there plus 3 days in emergency. You poor woman, it must've been very, very serious! In contrast, I thought it was very funny, your husband's reaction regarding his ironing and cooking etc.

    It was the same for me in my stay in hospital. The nurses and patients rarely mixed, the fellow patients were helpful, those that could be, but never did I get the wrong medication! At least, as far as I know! lol

    There were plenty of incidents, patients being subdued by force and then medicated, escapees were brought back, there was screaming and crying, yelling, laughter and silence. There were a few zombie-like patients and every now and then a shrieking alarm would go off.

    Yet the patients formed a tight band, most rallying for each other. Some, brought in by the police, against there will, were firmly against the hospital establishment while others were too sick to care.

    Though full of unwell people, it was a safe place to be!

    Cheers

    TMB

    P.S. Take your time  responding (that's if you want to!), I am away till the 25th..

  25. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    21 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    I will respond now so I don't forget to do so in a day or two! Ha. Ha. I try to laugh when I forget things, it makes life a whole lot easier.

    Yes my dear husband. When he discovered there was a washing machine in the mental health unit he seriously said he would bring his washing in for me to do and did he need to bring in an iron?

    One of the guys in the unit one day came and gave me a kiss on the cheek one morning. I asked him why he did that, and his answer was "Because the voices in my head told me to." I told him I was very thankful they hadn't told him to whack me!

    So you have written a book? What is that about? I have started a book too about the loss of my babies, but I seem to have come to a point where I forget I have even started it, and when I do remember, I just don't seem to have the time to write any more of it. I am thinking of taking a week off soon to just do what I would like to do.

    You mentioned escapees being brought back. I enjoyed looking after residents with dementia except for when they wandered off. Way back when we didn't have secure areas for residents with dementia, so we often had to go and look for them.

    A couple of ladies decided to have a "sleep over". One lady was in a double respite room and invited another confused lady to share with her. One day another lady with dementia invited one of the men to her bed. She was sitting outside of her room saying no, she hadn't seen "Jo" at all. I used to work the afternoon-evening shift. One lady used to head to the bus stop so she could go into town...problem was she was usually in her dressing gown and slippers, had no money, and no idea as to what she was really doing.

    That will be me! Ha. Ha.

    I am really enjoying a bit of light hearted banter here on the forums! Will be looking forward to reading what you have been up to.

    Cheers form Mrs. Dools

     

     

  26. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    25 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools

    I hope you had a very pleasant break.

    It's good to have a SOH about our illnesses etc. It helps one to cope, I think. I sometimes go looking for my mobile phone and after a few minutes of frantic searching realize I am on it! You gotta laugh! That's a good one, your husband wanting you to wash his clothes etc. while you're in hospital!

    When I was in hospital, I met a young woman who thought she could fly and had to be closely supervised. Another man was extremely manic, words locomoting out from his mouth at express speed. I met several people who thought they were Jesus. Sometimes this had rather serious consequences as in the case of one poor, deluded man who burnt both his hands for some religious reason.

    So, you're writing a book about the loss of your babies? Have you written much so far? Do you have a date when you want it finished by? I imagine it would be very painful writing it. Tell me more if you like. All the best with it.

    I wrote my book about 10 years ago. It's about my life (a bit) but mainly about my time in hospital and in recovery. It's not as good as I would like it to be as I was still quite depressed when I wrote it but it will do as a reference book for my screenplay which is more important.

    Wow, some of your stories of ladies with dementia are funny and a little scary too. "That will be me" you say, Ha Ha! I know what you mean. When I visited the nursing home on Mother's Day and saw all the old folk, I said to myself, "This is one possible future!"

    As you were in such a serious state in the hospital, if you don't mind me asking, did you have any help when you left hospital? I luckily had my parents to look after me until I found a Rehab. Organization that provided me with somewhere to live, a place to work and people to mix with. I was extremely  fortunate!

    I had a very quiet and restful weekend. Bought a movie called "Interstellar" and my team won in the rugby league. Had Indian twice!

    Cheers TMB

  27. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    27 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    My weekend wasn't so crash hot in the end, thanks to a huge misunderstand at CFS that was thankfully sorted out over the weekend and on Monday. There was a huge miscommunication that caused myself and others a few problems.

    I will be attending the CFS training tonight and no doubt there may be further discussion. I am so thankful the situation is being resolved and sorted in a very amicable way.

    To answer your question, after my time in the mental health unit, I returned home. My husband was very pleased as I was there to catch up on the washing, ironing, house work and what ever else needed doing. Ha. Ha.

    For him, it was like, okay so you have had a holiday in hospital for two weeks, it is time for you to get back into everything again.

    I returned to work and really struggled with the boss who was a large part of the problem. I was working in a Community House running a playgroup. The Mums and Dads were very supportive. We had comical conversations about "One Flew Over the Cookos Nest" (Have no idea how to spell that!)

    A few psychiatrist appointments later and it was decided I was suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder as well as Depression, Stress and PTSD. I think I was and still do suffer from "husband overload" as well at times. Ha. Ha.

    Regarding my book, as I mentioned I often forget I am trying to write it! I would have liked to have had it finished by now. I need to get started again. Maybe your encouragement and questions about it will get my motivated again.

    Some of it has been really tough to write, but it has also been amazing therapy and is so healing. I have a friend who is helping me with suggestions and said he would like to edit it for me when I have finished.

    He has been my dearest friend since I was 10 years old. He is like a big brother to me.

    My weekend wasn't all bad. My husband and I went for a nature walk and saw 5 kangaroos, so that was lovely.

    Cheers to you as well. By the way, what does SOH stand for? My mind is blank on that one!

    From Mrs. Dools

  28. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    28 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hi Mrs Dools,

    I'm glad your problems with CFS are being sorted out in a friendly manner.

    I hope your husband appreciates all the hard work that you do!

    Wow, you certainly had a wide ranging diagnosis, "husband overload" being the main culprit no doubt! lol.

    I'm sure you could finish that book (Yar! yar! (encouragement!)) you mentioned. You definitely have advanced communication skills as demonstrated on the BB forums. You're intelligent and full of compassion, you can do it!

    That's great you have a long lasting friend to help and I can see, partially, what a therapeutic benefit it would be writing it. I felt the same way  writing my book. It took me 5 years  of mostly late night work to finish. Maybe you could try writing for 1 hour a night. It soon adds up.

    Seeing the kangaroos would have been nice. I used to live in a small village on a bay. When first there, years ago, there were heaps of koalas  inhabiting the nearby trees. Occasionally one would walk up our driveway, we could hear him grunt as he made his way slowly to another tree. Unfortunately, the numbers dwindled quickly, due to dog attacks and more urbanization. They are indeed lovely animals.

    Oh, while I remember, SOH is shorthand for "Sense of humour"

    You have certainly had a few different jobs. Is what you're doing now what you want to do . From what you've said before about loving your job, I guess you might say Yes. I'd say some significant others might see your vocational future as being in the home maintenance field! ha ha!

    Well I might talk about my illness a bit. I hope you don't mind. If you do, let me know please.

    I have been going quite well lately, improving all the time. I spend a lot of time on the forums here reading and writing posts. I enjoy "talking" to others and feeling a part of the community. My concentration is pretty good  though I tend to avoid long posts because of it.

    Today was a bit of a downer, I woke tired, having been on the computer till 3:30am! I just am so productive at this time of the morning. I was cranky (a pronounced symptom) and low on energy later in the morning and I realized I'd been pushing myself too hard of late and that I needed to have a break. A couple of times I have been traveling along nicely only to fall back in the trough. I can feel the depression at times but am making good progress.

    Better go Mrs Dools,

    Hope you're traveling well

    TMB

  29. Doolhof
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Doolhof avatar
    8810 posts
    29 May 2015 in reply to the_motorcycle_boy

    Hi TMB,

    Thanks for the explanation to SOH. Yes, we certainly need one of those. Mine is okay most of the time. I have a client who suffers from depression, I soon have her laughing and we both feel so much better.

    Thanks again also for the encouragement with my book. One problem I have is the new AD my Dr. has given me has chilled me out so much all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to have a chat to him about it soon as I am even struggling to keep awake enough some days to drive home from work safely!

    An hour a day would certainly help, or even every second day. I just need to work out this wanting to sleep and tiredness business and find more motivation and enthusiasm.

    Regarding my work, I sometimes wish my life had taken a different path and I had gone into nursing/psychology/social work or something along those lines. Life didn't quite happen that way, so I will make the most of what I have now.

    My husband hasn't worked for two years and I don't really think he is looking too hard for work right now. It has only been about the last 6 months he has been helping out a little around the house.

    Koalas are so cute! My sister had them on their farm. They do make a weird noise during mating season though!

    Hey TMB, I certainly don't mind you talking about your illness at all. I too enjoy being part of this community. My husband doesn't talk much, so this is a great place to communicate with others.

    Hang on, this was going to be about you, not me! Ha. Ha.

    It is fantastic you are making progress with your depression and that most days you feel okay. I think if you were to ask any one here at the forums, they would all tell you that they too have bad days for no reason what so ever other than for the fact they have depression.

    Without going back over your posts, are you working at present (if you don't mind me asking.) Apart from writing books and screen plays, what else do you enjoy doing?

    When we know that we might be about to fall into the trough, it is beneficial to have tactics and helps available so we don't fall in and submerge.

    I believe it is okay to sometimes float around in the trough, to recognise life sucks for a while, then to think about ways to get out again and make the most of new opportunities in the future.

    I'm travelling okay and looking forward to the weekend, hope you are too.

    Cheers for now, I'm usually around for a chat most days, From Mrs. Dools

     

     

  30. the_motorcycle_boy
    the_motorcycle_boy avatar
    264 posts
    30 May 2015 in reply to Doolhof

    Hey Mrs Dools,

    That is a concern, the nodding off. I know what it's like, I have felt very tired from taking AD meds before. Driving is definitely a danger! but once you are sorted out, you will have more energy etc. and will be able to get stuck into that book!

    I can really picture you as a psychologist or a social worker, you have the talent but the path you're on is where you oughta be, I reckon. Me too, for that matter.

    Good to see your husband is helping you now.

    Koala grunts. lol

    Thanks for encouraging me to talk about my MI. You'll be sorry! (Just kidding). Actually, you can watch my movie a few years from now. haha! Really it's a long story and mightn't be worth digging up. Maybe bits and pieces here and there. Perhaps I need to deal with the present, me thinks.

    I'm not working right now, maybe in the future if my recovery continues. How do I enjoy myself? Well, I enjoy spending time with 2 friends I have who live out of town. We take turns staying at each other's places. We go for drives in the countryside, have bbqs and generally enjoy ourselves.

    I like to watch movies and have a big collection of dvds and blu-rays. I would like to get a new tv one day, a UHD (ultra high definiton) model for an even better picture. I also like music, my favourite band is called "The Fall". Punky sort of music. They've just got a new album out which I am about to order.

    Another thing I love is eating out but I have to watch the expense and the ol' waistline! I like all types of food but especially Thai but any Asian food appeals. Would love to travel again. Have been to Singapore twice . It was great! Do you like to travel much Mrs Dools?

    Well, that's enough about me for a while. I like your thinking re: being in the trough of depression, very wise and very productive. I felt a bit stressed and anxious today. I'm not used to stepping out of my comfort zone. But I reckon the more I do the better I'll be (within reason). Do you get bad anxiety?

    Weekend going well but have lost all lights! never mind. Off to do shopping have a good weekend! Thanks for being a friend.

    Bye for now,

    TMB

    P.S. many congrats on your 1000th post!

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up